Tired of being the youngest but the oldest
Sorry in advance for how absolutely jumbled up everything is, I wrote this in my notes app after an argument with my sister which left me pissed off and crying for a bit. I just really needed to get this out.
I'm (19F)just so fucking sick and tired of having to be the older sibling compared to Beth(25F) and Tyler(24M), who are 5+ yrs older than me. They're just so fucking spoiled and they haven't changed a bit and they never try to make any type of effort to change or help themselves.
Beth has just been nonstop calling mom lazy and shit just because she won't take out Roxy, which my mom literally *cannot* fucking do because of her leg, which is still technically in recovery from surgery, and my mom is also stressed *because* of Beth and Tyler, also me but at least I'm trying to help or at least fucking do something, anything to make things easier for her. Without complaining or calling her lazy or a piece of shit. Especially when my mom is constantly trying to clean up their own fucking mess, and she never gets so much as a thank you. For anything.
We're all spoiled, trust me I am far too aware of it, but at the very least I acknowledge it and if I'm acting like a spoiled brat, then I at least try and do something to help and show that I'm grateful.
Beth just keeps going on and on about her being lazy, when all she's asked to do for Roxy, is take her to the bathroom, because I'm in so much pain that I can barely do it once much less multiple times a day, and feed her and give her water. Roxy recently had a cyst that burst so that was a whole thing getting it taken care of.
Now that Roxy's burst cyst is getting taken care of, all we have to do is wipe around the area twice a day until it's fully closed up for a bit to make sure. And Beth is too fucking scared to do it, so is mom, mainly because she's really nervous about hurting her especially since my mom doesn't have the best eyesight. Which I wouldn't really care about but the problem is is that they both just start going at each other and I just hate how I feel like I have to do everything around the house and especially with Roxy when sometimes I just wanna break down and cry, but if I do that, things will just get worse, my mom will get extra overprotective and worried, and then she'll feel all guilty and just spend 99.9% of her time trying to make me feel better, and then start saying to Beth "oh stop yelling, she doesn't need this today, she's in pain and sleep deprived stop yelling." And sometimes Beth or usually Tyler lately will just start yelling at Mom until she cries, which upsets me a lot because I'm basically the only one in the family (including her own parents) that's grateful and making an effort and not just expecting her or someone else to fix everything.
It just makes everything a shit ton worse because Beth doesn't understand how fucking hard it was for me when Roxy was having a tumor removed every 3-6 months, while I was in school trying to make up credits and graduate, while also trying not to have a psychotic break and trying to have some form of fun without feeling guilty about it. And then on top of that, after every surgery Roxy had, I had take her to the bathroom because she couldn't fucking walk on her own for a while, so I had to leave early from school, basically sprint walk down to our place get up the stairs and carry Roxy downstairs to the grass so she could piss, sprint with her up the stairs and and then speed walk as fast I could back to school so I could have a fucking lunch break after getting home in the span of 3 minutes(it's 9min walk at a "normal" pace for me which is already speedwalking) and lifting 55lb dog up and down the stairs. That was my day every single time Roxy had surgery. 4 days a week, I had to focus on that because my mom wasn't able to do it because of her leg and shoulder, and Beth refused to even try to help me. And after the first time she got that surgery everyone was telling her that it was too much for 17yr me to handle, and the she needed to go to the fucking gym so I wouldn't injure myself, but no she didn't listen to them, or me, not at all.
A full as year of this rodeo where it would take me months to physically and mentally recover because I had to do that daily despite school, and then I was going to school super early just so I could be away from the house and work on school stuff, and then I had to deal with my fuckin teachers looks of concern, which I appreciated a lot, but I just felt so bad for it whenever my favorite teacher would always try and talk to me about how I am or offer me coffee or food or anything like that, whenever I had to leave in the middle of class to take care of Roxy, when I wasn't able to eat much during lunch, or anything at breakfast because I was in so much pain because I would barely sleep at all because of the pain, depression, and worry for Roxy that I'd be lucky to get 2 hours of sleep a night.
I told all of my frustrations to Beth, and the same response every time, "well how am I supposed to help if I can't pick her up?" And every single fucking time I tell her to "just practice picking her up around the house and then when she trusts you enough then she won't care, but please for my sake, go to the goddamn gym, at least once a week."
She never did practice picking her up, or go to the gym.
Then when Roxy's tumor grew back a 4th and it was so big that was basically bursting at the seams and tearing her paw apart, Roxy couldn't walk. At all. She could barely circle to get comfortable anymore.
For background info, my mom had torn a ligament or something in her leg and they found that had zero cartilage in her knee, so they scheduled her for a total knee replacement on July 21st.
Back to early July where my dog's tumor was huge, we had the option to amputate or put her down, she was really young and the vet basically said yeah I would definitely recommend cutting leg off because if we don't, it's gonna spread to the heart lungs, etc. so we scheduled her amputation for July 16th(earliest they had).
My mom was freaking out because her surgery was 5 days afterward and she wanted to be there to help because she knew damn well Beth wouldn't help much.
Leg gets chopped off, terrible first 3 days, Roxy was just screaming and crying for literally 2½ days straight, almost non stop except for the 5 minutes she'd pass out, she kept trying to move all of her paws and then she'd cry because she didn't have her front one.
On the ass end of the third day, Roxy got up all by herself, and walked to get water, while I was passed out on the couch(we had made a giant ass landing pad for her, and I had to sleep on the couch because I was the only one who could do anything to help her at the time).
Skipping to my mom's surgery, hers went well, Roxy was still learning how to walk and still really depressed but was getting better. On the 23rd, I got my first tattoo which I was really excited about because it means a lot to me, about 3-5 minutes after my grandpa picked me up, we got into a car accident. It was the other drivers fault, I had a concussion, some major whiplash, and a very very small blackout, which was most likely an absence seizure, and my rib got misaligned. My grandpa was okay, he scraped up his hands pretty bad but he was okay.
I had to go to the ER afterwards because my symptoms were fucked up enough that the paramedics decided to rush me there.
My mom was in the same hospital and I wanted to go see her because she was freaking out since I called Kenya and told her about the crash.
Then after I got home from the hospital, I shockingly had to be the one taking care of my recently amputated dog who was still visibly depressed as all hell, and it didn't help that my sister was quite literally just watching YouTube or playing some random game, and not giving Roxy an ounce of attention.