Wife avoids intimacy since the start, married her nearly a year ago
I’m honestly at a breaking point and need outside perspective.
I am in a marriage with my wife (24). She is an Aalima (very religious, prays 5 times a day strictly) and she may be asexual(means a person with no interest in intimacy at all). May be?
From literally the first week of marriage, there has been a major issue with intimacy and physical affection.
She tells me she loves me and says I'm attractive, but in reality she avoids any kind of physical closeness. Even simple things like hugs or basic touch — she pulls away or gets irritated.
I give her gifts, take care of her emotionally take her out to eat and support her financially.
I have been extremely patient. I’ve always tried to respect her comfort,
and I’ve focused on caring for her emotionally and in every other way like going down on her every other day which she never rejects and enjoys completely and she has never complained about that side.
But when it comes to me just wanting basic intimacy and affection or closeness, she PLAINLY REJECTS me and it feels like I hit a wall every single time.
She has no work, stays at home by choice, no cooking load everything the maid does it, she's happy about it
I’ve tried multiple calm conversations. Every time I ask what’s wrong or why she feels this way, her answer is just “I just don’t know.”
She's very intellectual and very intelligent in front of people and becomes a 5 year old with me (keep in mind she's an highly educated person)
The only other honest thing she has said is that
"she didn’t really have the urge or desire to get married and her parents made her get married which she then accepted was happy and rooting for it" which is news to me and honestly is confusing and disheartening..
So I’m stuck in this confusing situation where:
She says she loves me
She says I’m attractive
But she avoids physical intimacy completely
And avoids even basic affection
And can’t explain why
It’s been like this from the beginning, and it’s slowly destroying me mentally and physically..
I feel hollow piece of nothingness, it's like a nightmare where it doesn't ends,
i had dreams to love my future wife to fullest kind of like hopeless romantics,
I feel rejected, I'm emotionally alone, i cry most of my days and night and like I’m stuck behind a wall I can’t break no matter what I do. It’s affecting my mental health, my sleep, my work — everything.
I don’t know if this is asexuality, emotional blockage, compatibility issue, or something that can be worked through with time and communication, but right now I feel lost and stuck in my own head trying to understand it.
She says it's your choice if you want to divorce me because it's your right, and she doesn't want to work on herself, But keep in mind i can't divorce her since I'm stuck in a complicated situation where it'll be much harder to get married after this,
Talked about this with someone older and they say you have two choices
1.Leave
Or
2.Live in hell (here in dunya)
Now i need honest advice from people who have been in similar situations. What do I do in a marriage like this?
TL;DR: Wife (24, Aalima, may be asexual) loves me verbally and says I’m attractive but avoids all physical affection and intimacy since the start of marriage. No clear reason given (“I don’t know”). I feel emotionally rejected, stuck, and mentally drained and feel hollow Need advice.