AIW for blocking off my high school BFF because her BF is terrible?
Am I wrong for blocking my high School best friend after 14 years of friendship. first off, she constantly asks me for money/ food/ a ride somewhere or send her and her BF a lyft. she has tried to use me countless times over the past 14 years. she never has anything to contribute back to the "friendship".. I can count on half of my hand the number of times she's paid me back. I stopped helping as much over the past few years. I truly believe 9 times out of 10 she used the "$20 dollars for diapers" on we*d. Every time I've come over, she had some on hand. so how do your children not have diapers, but you have WE*D?! she's clearly spent more time smoking than potty training her 5 year old! not to mention both her kids are B.A.D! As a preschool teacher, I've tried to help with tips and tricks I've learned, but I guess someone with a decade of experience dealing with children doesn't qualify as having "sound advice"
NOW on to the main problem: she has had a "boyfriend" for about a year now. the guy is literally a walking RED FLAG! I'm going to now list off everything that has happened since he showed up.
He basically came over for sexy time the first link and NEVER LEFT! I know this because I visited and asked how long he has been here? she said, "umm well he came over last week and we've just been chillin since then". I told her BACK THEN she needs to ask him to leave before he gets Squatters rights. she ignored it, of course, claiming it wasn't that serious. (it's not serious having someone you just started dating come live with you and your 2 small children) oh okay!
(same day mind you) she asks me to use my skills to look him up to see if he had criminal history or if he was on some type of list. he 100% has a criminal history (shocker I know right). charges include but not limited to: 4 counts of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, 3 counts of DRUG RELATED charges, and 1 STALKING charge. her response: "Well I really just wanted to make sure he wasn't a child predator, plus you know I like em a little rough! my man can't be soft, he gotta know how to put me in my place cause we all know I got a smart mouth". I was dumbfounded and tried my best to talk some sense into her. it obviously didn't work.
One day I came over to chill and about 30 minutes later, he comes downstairs in his signature wife beater under shirt and saggy pants combo, to sit with us. at the same time her kids were getting unruly, and this man took it upon himself to grab the oldest one and whoop him like it was his job. he yelled at the child stating he had been loud all day, and he was tired of it. (It must be hard to sleep all day because of "lack of job - Itis".) My Bff said nothing, just continued smoking.
(same day) this guy starts asking me disrespectful questions about my relationship (apparently, she had been filling him in on some details of my life) for context, me and my boyfriend are long distance, and he is a travel nurse. for some reason nurses get a bad reputation for being "unfaithful" Our relationship hasn't had any problems over the past 3 years so at this point the guy is just pulling statements out of his a*s to make himself feel better.
(still same day) at this point I'm irritated, so I change the subject and ask him why he feels like it's okay to physically discipline children who aren't yours? his response "I don't see you doing anything about their behavior. I be here every day with them! where you be at? why do you never come get them? " Sir you CHOSE to be here! and that still doesn't give you the right to beat children! especially if they DO NOT BELONG to YOU. we went back and forth for a few minutes as I tried to reiterate what I've been through as a teacher, and he completely belittled my profession simply because I don't have any children of my own (which means nothing BTW). At this point I'm pissed and start gathering my things. I asked my BFF to come outside with me so I could try ONCE AGAIN to speak some sense into her. Here he comes following behind still talking SH*T like he won the argument. I exploded something along the lines of "Go the F*ck on somewhere, this doesn't concern you, Blah blah blah". Bff and I talked in my car for a few minutes and looking back I now know her "caring" was completely fake.
(2 weeks later) I get a call from her, and she is freaking out because her 5YO found a CR*CK PIPE while "playing too much" (her words) kid emptied out his backpack and there it was. Bff went to clean it up and couldn't believe what she was seeing. she claims she put it back and went outside to call me. she didn't know what to do and was already making up excuses like, "well maybe it's not for crack, maybe it's not his and maybe it's old and he doesn't use it anymore cause I've never seen him use it." DUHH B*TCH OF COURSE HE WOULDN'T LET YOU ACTUALLY SEE HIM DOING CR*CK! THEY USUALLY DONT BROADCAST THAT TO EVERYONE!
Once again, IM dumbfounded! she has already told me how gets attitudes for seemingly no reason, he spends long amounts of time in the bathroom and sleeps all day. these things don't automatically mean dr*g use, but they certainly do NOT help his case! she claimed she was going to ask him about it, meanwhile im explaining to her all of the ways this could end badly for her and her KIDS! Did she ask him about it? NO... did she kick him out? of course not!
(some random day) Bff calls me saying she found "cheating messages" on his phone, and they just got into it so bad that he left. I said, "good riddance, cause everything that's happened thus far is ridiculous and it's not worth it." she goes on and on about how they have ups and down like every other normal relationship and she still loves him. I Blurted out, "Ma'am! normal relationships do not involve cr*ck pipes and abusive behavior. did she listen to me? NO, he came back the same day!
(SpongeBob voice: A few Days Later) ... I got a text from HER phone: this was the exchange word for word.
him: "You dating someone that cheating on and you worried about the next ni*ga"
me: "Sir get off my phone"
him: "You to sensitive for me and you cry too much. Get off my phone I pay for"
me: "Like I said sir get off my phone"
him: "lol and you still stay with you're parents"
me: "I'm not arguing with a crack head who mooches off whoever he's with bye!"
him: "Lol Im not r*****."(her Baby daddy)
me: "K bye"
him: "Ion know what she tell vou but if you staying with your parents you shouldn't be worried about me"
me: "k bye"
him: "Right. She tell me all about you"
I stopped replying and waited to see if the messages would continue then I planned to call her and ask her wtf his deal is. the messages stopped and the next day I called her. I asked her did she know he was texting me BS from her phone yesterday. she said she looked and of course our messages were gone (but I still have the screen shot.) the entire 3 minute conversation she was very dry and I could tell she just didn't care that he disrespected me again! she went Silent and I asked her did she even care? she responded with some sort of mumble that I couldn't make out. so, I hung up and we hadn't spoken anymore until a few days ago (5 months of ghosty energy).
- she called me out of nowhere complaining about this guy. she just picked up the conversation like she hadn't been MIA for 5 months. I did say "I thought she didn't want to talk to me anymore". she avoided the question and said she didn't remember what happened. but anyways, she started going on about how they always argue, he sleeps all day and has random attitudes about little things such as her watching a movie in the bedroom while he's asleep. she even FULLY ACKNOWLEGEDED knowing that he's on something other than we*d because his whole mood changes when he doesn't have that substance. she also explained how crazy he really is. several guys have tried to message her, and HE replies every time cursing and threatening to *pew pew* them. he has her passwords, but she doesn't have his! (ABSOLUTELY NOT). she claimed he has left several times but keeps coming back. she said she's going to call his mom to come get him while spilling the beans on what's been going on.
the next day she texts me saying he still hasn't spoken to her and I asked did she call his mom? of course she didn't! at the same time she's telling me how she really likes another guy who she dated in the past. I said "good! anyone is better than this P.O.S." I also suggested a petty action of " just getting on the phone with one of the guys and make plans in front of him and maybe he'll just leave for good". her response was, "oh you tryin to get me beat up?!" I yelled; "d*mn he's been beating on you too!? you need to call the police to get him out of there! this is just too much!" she tried to back petal saying, "no he hasn't, I don't play that sh*t, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH." I asked, so why are you acting scared of him then?" she had no response.
- (yesterday) she texts me the following: "Hey you got anything I can borrow till Wednesday so I can feed my kids. I've been buying parts trying to get my car fixed. Or can you get me a Lyft to and from Walmart whichever u want if you can't it's ok..." at that moment I blocked her. because it's clear that you only started back talking to me because you missed asking me for help!
I just got tired of her never listening to my advice despite always telling me about her drama and constantly trying to use me even though I don't have money to be giving away myself. she has a whole grown man at the house that loves to act like HE is the ONLY reason she and her kids aren't De*d. So, if she is so insistent on staying with this Manipulative, criminally abusive, cr*ck head. then she can! AM I WRONG?