r/relationship_thoughts

Am I wrong for blocking my high School best friend after 14 years of friendship. first off, she constantly asks me for money/ food/ a ride somewhere or send her and her BF a lyft. she has tried to use me countless times over the past 14 years. she never has anything to contribute back to the "friendship".. I can count on half of my hand the number of times she's paid me back. I stopped helping as much over the past few years. I truly believe 9 times out of 10 she used the "$20 dollars for diapers" on we*d. Every time I've come over, she had some on hand. so how do your children not have diapers, but you have WE*D?! she's clearly spent more time smoking than potty training her 5 year old! not to mention both her kids are B.A.D! As a preschool teacher, I've tried to help with tips and tricks I've learned, but I guess someone with a decade of experience dealing with children doesn't qualify as having "sound advice"

NOW on to the main problem: she has had a "boyfriend" for about a year now. the guy is literally a walking RED FLAG! I'm going to now list off everything that has happened since he showed up.

1. He basically came over for sexy time the first link and NEVER LEFT! I know this because I visited and asked how long he has been here? she said, "umm well he came over last week and we've just been chillin since then". I told her BACK THEN she needs to ask him to leave before he gets Squatters rights. she ignored it, of course, claiming it wasn't that serious. (it's not serious having someone you just started dating come live with you and your 2 small children) oh okay!

2. (same day mind you) she asks me to use my skills to look him up to see if he had criminal history or if he was on some type of list. he 100% has a criminal history (shocker I know right). charges include but not limited to: 4 counts of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, 3 counts of DRUG RELATED charges, and 1 STALKING charge. her response: "Well I really just wanted to make sure he wasn't a child predator, plus you know I like em a little rough! my man can't be soft, he gotta know how to put me in my place cause we all know I got a smart mouth". I was dumbfounded and tried my best to talk some sense into her. it obviously didn't work.

3. One day I came over to chill and about 30 minutes later, he comes downstairs in his signature wife beater under shirt and saggy pants combo, to sit with us. at the same time her kids were getting unruly, and this man took it upon himself to grab the oldest one and whoop him like it was his job. he yelled at the child stating he had been loud all day, and he was tired of it. (It must be hard to sleep all day because of "lack of job - Itis".) My Bff said nothing, just continued smoking.

4. (same day) this guy starts asking me disrespectful questions about my relationship (apparently, she had been filling him in on some details of my life) for context, me and my boyfriend are long distance, and he is a travel nurse. for some reason nurses get a bad reputation for being "unfaithful" Our relationship hasn't had any problems over the past 3 years so at this point the guy is just pulling statements out of his a*s to make himself feel better.

5. (still same day) at this point I'm irritated, so I change the subject and ask him why he feels like it's okay to physically discipline children who aren't yours? his response "I don't see you doing anything about their behavior. I be here every day with them! where you be at? why do you never come get them? " Sir you CHOSE to be here! and that still doesn't give you the right to beat children! especially if they DO NOT BELONG to YOU. we went back and forth for a few minutes as I tried to reiterate what I've been through as a teacher, and he completely belittled my profession simply because I don't have any children of my own (which means nothing BTW). At this point I'm pissed and start gathering my things. I asked my BFF to come outside with me so I could try ONCE AGAIN to speak some sense into her. Here he comes following behind still talking SH*T like he won the argument. I exploded something along the lines of "Go the F*ck on somewhere, this doesn't concern you, Blah blah blah". Bff and I talked in my car for a few minutes and looking back I now know her "caring" was completely fake.

6. (2 weeks later) I get a call from her, and she is freaking out because her 5YO found a CR*CK PIPE while "playing too much" (her words) kid emptied out his backpack and there it was. Bff went to clean it up and couldn't believe what she was seeing. she claims she put it back and went outside to call me. she didn't know what to do and was already making up excuses like, "well maybe it's not for crack, maybe it's not his and maybe it's old and he doesn't use it anymore cause I've never seen him use it." DUHH B*TCH OF COURSE HE WOULDN'T LET YOU ACTUALLY SEE HIM DOING CR*CK! THEY USUALLY DONT BROADCAST THAT TO EVERYONE!

Once again, IM dumbfounded! she has already told me how gets attitudes for seemingly no reason, he spends long amounts of time in the bathroom and sleeps all day. these things don't automatically mean dr*g use, but they certainly do NOT help his case! she claimed she was going to ask him about it, meanwhile im explaining to her all of the ways this could end badly for her and her KIDS! Did she ask him about it? NO... did she kick him out? of course not!

7. (some random day) Bff calls me saying she found "cheating messages" on his phone, and they just got into it so bad that he left. I said, "good riddance, cause everything that's happened thus far is ridiculous and it's not worth it." she goes on and on about how they have ups and down like every other normal relationship and she still loves him. I Blurted out, "Ma'am! normal relationships do not involve cr*ck pipes and abusive behavior. did she listen to me? NO, he came back the same day!

8. (SpongeBob voice: A few Days Later) ... I got a text from HER phone: this was the exchange word for word.

him: "You dating someone that cheating on and you worried about the next ni*ga"

me: "Sir get off my phone"

him: "You to sensitive for me and you cry too much. Get off my phone I pay for" 

me: "Like I said sir get off my phone"

him: "lol and you still stay with you're parents"

me: "I'm not arguing with a crack head who mooches off whoever he's with bye!"

him: "Lol Im not r*****."(her Baby daddy)

me: "K bye"

him: "Ion know what she tell vou but if you staying with your parents you shouldn't be worried about me"

me: "k bye"

him: "Right. She tell me all about you"

I stopped replying and waited to see if the messages would continue then I planned to call her and ask her wtf his deal is. the messages stopped and the next day I called her. I asked her did she know he was texting me BS from her phone yesterday. she said she looked and of course our messages were gone (but I still have the screen shot.) the entire 3 minute conversation she was very dry and I could tell she just didn't care that he disrespected me again! she went Silent and I asked her did she even care? she responded with some sort of mumble that I couldn't make out. so, I hung up and we hadn't spoken anymore until a few days ago (5 months of ghosty energy).

9. she called me out of nowhere complaining about this guy. she just picked up the conversation like she hadn't been MIA for 5 months. I did say "I thought she didn't want to talk to me anymore". she avoided the question and said she didn't remember what happened. but anyways, she started going on about how they always argue, he sleeps all day and has random attitudes about little things such as her watching a movie in the bedroom while he's asleep. she even FULLY ACKNOWLEGEDED knowing that he's on something other than we*d because his whole mood changes when he doesn't have that substance. she also explained how crazy he really is. several guys have tried to message her, and HE replies every time cursing and threatening to *pew pew* them. he has her passwords, but she doesn't have his! (ABSOLUTELY NOT). she claimed he has left several times but keeps coming back. she said she's going to call his mom to come get him while spilling the beans on what's been going on.

the next day she texts me saying he still hasn't spoken to her and I asked did she call his mom? of course she didn't! at the same time she's telling me how she really likes another guy who she dated in the past. I said "good! anyone is better than this P.O.S." I also suggested a petty action of " just getting on the phone with one of the guys and make plans in front of him and maybe he'll just leave for good". her response was, "oh you tryin to get me beat up?!" I yelled; "d*mn he's been beating on you too!? you need to call the police to get him out of there! this is just too much!" she tried to back petal saying, "no he hasn't, I don't play that sh*t, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH." I asked, so why are you acting scared of him then?" she had no response.

10. (yesterday) she texts me the following: "Hey you got anything I can borrow till Wednesday so I can feed my kids. I've been buying parts trying to get my car fixed. Or can you get me a Lyft to and from Walmart whichever u want if you can't it's ok..." at that moment I blocked her. because it's clear that you only started back talking to me because you missed asking me for help!

I just got tired of her never listening to my advice despite always telling me about her drama and constantly trying to use me even though I don't have money to be giving away myself. she has a whole grown man at the house that loves to act like HE is the ONLY reason she and her kids aren't De*d. So, if she is so insistent on staying with this Manipulative, criminally abusive, cr*ck head. then she can! AM I WRONG?

​I just need to type this out because I feel completely numb. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years. I stood by him through financial ruin and I was his rock when his brother passed away.

​A few months ago, he cheated. I forgave him because I was in love and believed his promises. But a few days ago, during a stupid argument, he hit me. He knew everything about my past, that I grew up in a violent household and that my biggest goal in life was to escape that chaos. He always swore he’d never hurt me. Now, looking at him just makes me sick.

​I am done. I’m packing my things and leaving, but the financial reality of it is terrifying. I have a job and I’m looking for a second one, but saving up for a deposit and rent on a single income feels almost impossible right now.

​I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. I guess I just needed to say it out loud to realize it's real. I am starting over from zero.

I want to start a GoFundMe or anything that can help me raise some money, anything helps, even the smallest amount.

And i also want that everyone that reads this, to be fully aware of a situation like this, because this...this is something that no one should experience. Thank you for reading my story and empathize with me.

Not really sure which subreddit this post belongs in. I’m 18f and my partner is 20m, we’ve been dating for a little over a year now, we are long distance at the moment. About a month ago I converted to Islam after being raised Christian, there were initially no issues as my boyfriend believes in Islamic values and follows the faith loosely. Recently the topic of sex has been coming up a lot, we were intimate before I converted, he said he’s “scared of things drying up between us.” While I agree with him I want to continue this relationship in the most halal and respectful way possible. Marriage had been brought up countless times and both of are families are aware, but I feel like I’m already making such an awful choice by going against my faith. I don’t want to lose him, he is genuinely such an amazing fit for me, but I’m scared of making the wrong choice. How do I balance a new commitment to Islam with a loving long-distance relationship that used to include intimacy? I don’t want to compromise my faith, but I also don’t want to lose someone I genuinely see a future with. How do you know whether to set boundaries, move toward marriage, or step away? Thank you for reading, may God bless you all.

My 21f girlfriend wants to go on a 14 day “girls trip” to Bali, with her very single friends.

We have been dating for 3.5 years and she doesn’t seem to get why I’m not comfortable with her going. Does anyone have any advice to get her to see where I’m coming from…

She keeps asking if I don’t trust her (which I do trust her)
She has been out of the country once and that was with me which is mostly where the problem stands (as well as going with her very single friends)

First ever reddit post of my own 🥳! Thank you ahead of time for listening to anyone who sees this. Its a mess but I’ll try to keep it brief. For context, I (33F) have been in a committed long distance relationship with my boyfriend (37M) for over 2 years now. This is a very long distance relationship, talking west coast to east coast of the states. Not across the globe or anything, but still a pricey direct 6+ hour flight ya know? Due to his job, he travels for work fairly often and is able to do some work remotely, which is super helpful in our situation. We met in person while he was on a work trip a few years back. My job is much less flexible than his but with some advance notice, I can take time off to fly to him. Because of the natures of both of our jobs/lifestyles, he does far more flying than I do and sees me on my coast much more often than I do on his. (I should note that he makes significantly more $ than I do, the company pays for a huge portion of his travel costs, and he doesn’t suffer from any lost wages due to travel. He’s salaried. I work hourly in hospitality, so when I’m not physically at work, I don’t make any $. Plus begging someone to cover me to take time off is like pulling teeth.) I am grateful for his job’s flexibility and he is usually fairly understanding about the differences in our situation and gladly comes to me, most of the time*.
Before we met, we had both been in long-term traditional relationships. He was engaged, together for 10 years, and I lived with my Ex and were discussing marriage, together for 7. I moved to a new city following my last breakup and have been struggling with social isolation and depression quite a bit since.
Also, We talk on the phone A LOT, of course. Over time, we have argued much more and experienced imbalances in our conversations. We are at the 2 year mark- so naturally, as relationships progress, people start to reveal their true colors and become settled in their dynamic with one another. He’s becoming increasingly irritable with me going to him less often, and me being the more talkative one, venting, talking on the phone for hours, etc. Admittedly, I have been less patient with several of his behaviors and less excited to hear from him over time. I have been in a stressful customer-facing job for several years now and I’ve always been a venter/ranter. So I have a lot to say about work at the end of the day and I don’t necessarily have a lot of other people to talk to about it. (I am working on going back to solo therapy soon lol.) Him and I have talked about having a serious future together and were planning on me moving to him in the next 7 or so months. We have been in couples therapy for a few months now, with the goal of strengthening our relationship enough where we could move in together, and to lessen arguments.
Only a few months into our relationship, an incident happened where he was drinking with his friends. We talked on the phone after his friends left and he drunkenly said hurtful things and brought up breaking up with me. Apologies and regrets after. I forgave him. That was the first time.
Over our relationship, he has brought up breaking up one way or another, fairly routinely. Usually when he’s frustrated or a stressful event occurs. Its honestly about every couple of months. At this point, I can count at least 6 major arguments because of these “breakup talk incidents”. Every time, he regrets it, apologizes, doesn’t mean it- it’s a whole charade. Here are some examples:
“You are not the right person for me.”
“Do you want to break up?”
“Why are we together?”
I could keep going. Anyway…
He does this whole routine where he gets really upset and feels his big feelings, does the breakup bs, then calms down eventually and apologizes. He often simultaneously defends himself and his reasoning for using that language. But every time, he wants to be together still, swears that he loves me so much and doesn’t mean it. Not only is he threatening our relationship during half of his emotional tantrums, but he also gets pretty insulting and disrespectful towards me when he’s upset (calling me a B***h, accusing me of cheating, calling me goalless in my career choice, weird racial comments, you name it. It’s quite wild sometimes, truly). And for those insults, will also eventually apologize and say he shouldn’t have done it.
A few weeks ago, I went out with coworkers after work. We had an argument earlier that day (I could write another post about that one alone lol). I was in public and wanted to just chill while I grabbed late night apps with my coworkers. I was texting him but didn’t answer his call, I just wanted to decompress after a long day. He sent me a text message saying “I think we should break up.” There it was, really putting the axe to it now. Who sends a breakup text at 2am to his girlfriend of 2+years (that he claims he’s “madly in love with”) while in your late 30’s ????
Since then, he has flip flopped between defending himself saying it wasn’t a real breakup text because he said “I think” and because we talked after, then saying he meant it and he should have followed through with the break up, and then apologizing 2 minutes later. My head is spinning with all of the twists and turns. So which is it? Do you want me or not? The only thing consistent is his inconsistency here. In therapy, we’ve talked about meaning what you say and saying what you mean, and him not defaulting to breakup talk as a coping mechanism when things get tough, like to actually talk about his real feelings instead. Maybe I’m a more literal person or a more mature person than he is, but if I wanted to break up with someone I would do it and stick to it. When people speak, I tend to take them seriously, although I probably shouldn’t take him seriously anymore. To be extremely clear, I DO NOT USE BREAKUP TALK LIKE THIS. This is a one-sided issue of his. Needless to say, there has been no progress in this department, things have only gotten worse.
Either he truly does want this relationship to end and is finding difficulty expressing it, or wants me to end it for him, or this is the most chronic case of emotional mismanagement I can think of?
Either way, it’s extremely disrespectful and confusing for me. I’ve already drawn a hard boundary of not accepting it in the past. Also, I said last time was the last time, and that I was done giving out chances. I really do love him and all of the amazing parts of our relationship. I’ve cried and pleaded with him to change and stop the back and forth. Promises he will, but hasn’t yet after almost 2 years of this behavior. I know I deserve better, this is just sad. So Im at a crossroads. Do I choose my self-respect and end it? Or do I stay? I feel like complete garbage and so conflicted. Thank you Obi Wan Reddit users, you are my only hope. 🙏💕🤞

Hi everyone, I hope whoever reads this can either relate to it and share their experience and how they navigated this feeling and over came it. Or, I hope someone who’s been secure can offer productive advice not just for me but for anyone else feeling similar as well. Recently I’ve started a new relationship. One that is truly different. I feel seen, heard, and valued as an individual for once. It’s with someone I’ve known for a long time but we lost touch and reconnected earlier this year (2026). She’s honestly become my closest friend and an amazing partner. I always thought highly of her when we were in college and even now I think she’s an incredible person. I’m very lucky and grateful she’s chosen me to be her boyfriend and for her to call me her partner I feel very honored. Yet, it’s so intimidating because it’s the first truly healthy relationship I’ve been that my anxious attachment style has been popping up more. Comparing myself to past people she didn’t even date, trying to find flaws in what I say or do, because I feel like an incoherent mess because of my anxiety. I feel like weight holding down an amazing person. I’ve expressed this to her and she says she still loves me and has no intention of leaving. Yet I feel that’s too good to be true. I fear she will and I fear she’ll think about it more and decide that I am not a great partner like she thinks I am. But these are all hypotheticals in my head, hypotheticals that she’s never once said or even shown to actually consider. So, I write this hoping that someone who’s experienced this or is experiencing this can offer advice for me to help navigate this anxiety and to help me just focus on being in the present and how to remain in the present without spiraling about hypotheticals or shoulda, woulda, or could’ve. Any productive advice would be appreciated and I hope anyone who’s feeling the same can take solace in knowing they’re not the only one, and I hope the best for you. Thank you for taking the time to read this, whomever it is.

Hi I need advice, my bf and I are in a fairly new relationship we’ve only been going out about 3 months now. Recently I noticed anytime anything about my past relationships is brought up he shuts down and gets very short/dry with me over text.

I have had one serious ex who was my first everything and was honest with him about that before we started dating. I have also kissed 2 girls in the past and he knew this from the beginning but hates that fact. His previous ex cheated on him with a girl so I understand where his insecurity with that comes from, but at the same time my past situations all happened before I even knew who he was.

I just confronted him and asked if I had done something wrong and he said no just that “I learn new little things about you sometimes that I wish I knew earlier and sometimes I wish I didn’t get as invested as I did so fast”. That statement obviously really hurt as I cannot change my past and I have been nothing but good and loyal to him since we got together.

What he said makes it seem like he regrets being with me even though he knew all of this before asking me to be his girlfriend. Is there a way to fix this rift in our relationship cause now it seems like he regrets being with me just because of people I’ve been with before him. What do I do?

I’ve been thinking about trying Tawkify because their matchmakers basically handle the whole process finding matches, setting up dates, planning everything. If anyone here has used Tawkify before how was your experience with the matchmakers?

Okay this is more for my black women dating black men because I need some help 😭. But really this can apply to different races.

My bf and I were playing a dating game and one of the questions was who our celebrity crushes are. I said “I don’t have a celebrity crush so I will start naming some run of the mill men”. Mind you, I’m not lying, I really don’t have a celebrity crush and I haven’t since maybe I was a teenager? Anyways he started naming some white women and I said “okay I am starting to sense a theme here.. “. This has been eating away at me and I’ve heard him mention liking music by Sabrina carpenter and Taylor swift. In my mind there is no way that’s why he likes them.

So I let my curiosity get the best of me ( which if you are in a relationship, I wouldn’t suggest this) but I went and saw who he was following on Instagram. And let’s say I wasn’t surprised to see that the women he was following were mostly white and Asian women. You know, those lustful profiles with pictures of boobs and butts and what not.

Again, I am a black woman and compared to these other women… I just want to know why he is with me? Because I look NOTHING like what his preference seems to be.

I want to hear from men and women please. I need honesty because I’m comparing myself and it’s making me depressed. I know people may ask if I love myself and I do, it’s not that I don’t like my image. It’s more of will he end of leaving me for a white woman?

My boyfriend (24 age) and I (25 age)have been long distance for all most a year because of our careers. We love each other and communicate well overall, but lately the emotional side of the distance has been really difficult.
I think the hardest part is that small relationship moments disappear — no casual hugs, dinners together, or simply existing in the same space. Arguments also feel worse over text because tone gets misunderstood easily.
We still make time for calls and online dates, but sometimes I feel emotionally exhausted from always missing someone instead of actually building a normal life together.
Sometimes I feel guilty for struggling because nothing is technically ‘wrong’ between us. But the distance creates this constant low-level sadness and frustration.
The hardest part is that feeling disconnected during stressful periods because we can’t just sit together and talk naturally.”
For people who’ve been through long distance relationships, how did you manage the emotional fatigue?”

Dating apps are starting to wear me down honestly. Lots of swiping, conversations that go nowhere, and the few dates I do get usually end up feeling like a total mismatch in person. I’ve been looking into matchmaking because it seems like people are more serious and intentional there and i also heard Tawkify uses actual matchmakers who help set up and coordinate dates instead of just leaving you on another app. Has anyone here tried it and was it a better experience than dating apps?

Me 25M and She 27F

My girlfriend and I officially got together in 2025, but we had known each other before that as well. During the time before our relationship, she had a very complicated past and was involved with other people. Some things I later found out hurt me emotionally because I felt she was not always fully honest with me about who she was talking to and what was happening in her life.

There were times in the past when she blocked me, pushed me away emotionally, or said hurtful things during arguments. I also supported her emotionally and sometimes financially because I cared deeply about her.

Despite everything, I chose to accept her past because I genuinely love her. Since getting together officially, things have become much more peaceful between us, and she seems more caring, understanding, and serious about the relationship now.

The problem is that sometimes I still overthink the past and wonder if I ignored too many red flags because of my feelings for her. Part of me believes people can grow and change, while another part of me worries about getting hurt in the future.

For people who have experienced difficult relationships before — can trust and stability genuinely be rebuilt after a messy past, or is this a sign that I am too emotionally attached to think clearly?