u/Wide-Audience4255

Hi everyone… this is a continuation of my previous post. In my life, I’ve only ever been in one serious relationship which is the one I’m in now. We’ve been together for a little over a year and half and for the longest time I thought I wanted a partner, happy life, live together. But the more this goes on the more I start to think if this is truly the life I want right now. I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to lose him but I also feel like we both need our own space to figure out what makes us happy. I’m not talking about sleeping around, no. I’m talking about trying new things, going on adventures and seeing what I do like and find out alone the way what I don’t like. Idk myself rn idk what I like or what to do and I feel so isolated from my friends. Again I love my boyfriend there’s nothing wrong with him but I just want to try living on my own, cooking my own food, going for a drive bc I feel like it. For a little more context we moved out recently together to roommate with his cousin and her wife. When we were getting everything together, she offered to cook for us and we just all split groceries and while I do appreciate that, sometimes I feel weird. I’m a grown man I want to learn to cook even if I do mess up and have to get McDonald’s instead but my bf doesn’t see that.. idk we just don’t feel on the same page..

How do I end a relationship where I’ve been nothing but the problem? My partner though has some flaws, he basically is flawless when it comes to relationship. For a little context, I’m the younger one and growing up I thought being in a relationship would bring happiness/ solve my problems. (Idk American dream maybe) but we’ve been together for a year and a half and I do love him, he’s perfect and I know he’s the one I want to be with but I just don’t feel like I can be in a relationship right now. I don’t know what makes me happy and I don’t know what makes him happy and I don’t think he does either. I feel like I’m in a terrible situation bc we recently moved out together with some of his cousins as roommates and blames me for the move saying he’s only here for me which I don’t think is fair to him or I. I feel like we both obviously want different things in life rn which is okay I just don’t know how to communicate with him. I’m going to be honest I’ve been a shit partner and he’s giving me more chances than I should. I never cheated but we’ve gotten into physical arguments a lot and all of them my fault. I’m changing and trying to be different I hate the person I was but I also have to accept that it was or maybe is a part of me I have to learn to live with and control. But bc of my past though now I’ve changed and handle things differently, he’s still stuck on that idea of me so whenever we have a conversation I feel like he’s already on defensive mode… idk what to do.