u/Various-Town5636

What is a schema?

Schemas are deep, relatively stable patterns that are usually formed in childhood and adolescence and can influence our feelings, decisions, and relationships into adulthood.In schema therapy, 18 main schemas have been identified.

One of them is the abandonment schema.

The abandonment schema is the deep fear that the important people in our lives will leave us, be lost, or no longer be with us.

So sometimes a small behavior from someone we love can activate this old fear. For example, our spouse acts just a little colder than usual, but our mind immediately says:

Sometimes our reaction today is not just about today's event;

it may be an old wound that has been reactivated.

Has a small event ever caused you to have a big fear of losing someone?

Schemas can be changed and improved.But this improvement doesn't happen overnight. It takes time and practice.

بو

What is a schema?

Schemas are deep, relatively stable patterns that are usually formed in childhood and adolescence and can influence our feelings, decisions, and relationships into adulthood.In schema therapy, 18 main schemas have been identified.

One of them is the abandonment schema.

The abandonment schema is the deep fear that the important people in our lives will leave us, be lost, or no longer be with us.

So sometimes a small behavior from someone we love can activate this old fear. For example, our spouse acts just a little colder than usual, but our mind immediately says:

Sometimes our reaction today is not just about today's event;

it may be an old wound that has been reactivated.

Has a small event ever caused you to have a big fear of losing someone?

Schemas can be changed and improved.But this improvement doesn't happen overnight. It takes time and practice.

بو

What is a schema?

Schemas are deep, relatively stable patterns that are usually formed in childhood and adolescence and can influence our feelings, decisions, and relationships into adulthood.In schema therapy, 18 main schemas have been identified.

One of them is the abandonment schema.

The abandonment schema is the deep fear that the important people in our lives will leave us, be lost, or no longer be with us.

So sometimes a small behavior from someone we love can activate this old fear. For example, our spouse acts just a little colder than usual, but our mind immediately says:

Sometimes our reaction today is not just about today's event;

it may be an old wound that has been reactivated.

Has a small event ever caused you to have a big fear of losing someone?

Schemas can be changed and improved.But this improvement doesn't happen overnight. It takes time and practice.

بو

Sometimes we really don't realize how much emotional damage, time, and expense we pay for a flawed relationship.

Why do you think we keep doing this? Maybe this is how we say we are in love?

Or are there other reasons?

Well... I know a series of factors called schemas.

When you stay in a toxic relationship, the presence of schemas can prevent you from leaving.

A schema is a persistent mental pattern that is usually formed in childhood and continues into adulthood. Schemas are actually the way a person views the world...

Stay with me… we’ll get to know these schemas better in the posts to come.

Sometimes we really don't realize how much emotional damage, time, and expense we pay for a flawed relationship.

Why do you think we keep doing this? Maybe this is how we say we are in love?

Or are there other reasons?

Well... I know a series of factors called schemas.

When you stay in a toxic relationship, the presence of schemas can prevent you from leaving.

A schema is a persistent mental pattern that is usually formed in childhood and continues into adulthood. Schemas are actually the way a person views the world...

Stay with me… we’ll get to know these schemas better in the posts to come.

These are the Social emergency phone numbers for several countries.

🇮🇷 Iran — 123: Social Emergency (Behzisti) / Crisis Intervention & Social Support �

🇺🇸 USA — 211: Social & Human Services / Community Resources

🇨🇦 Canada — 211: Social & Community Services

🇫🇷 France — 115: Samu Social / Emergency Social Assistance

🇦🇺 Australia — Centrelink Social Work Services: Social & Family Support

🇬🇧 UK — Local Council Social Services: Social Care & Support

🇮🇪 Ireland — Community Welfare Services: Social & Financial Support

🇪🇺 EU — 116 123: Emotional Support Helpline in participating countries

When we don't yet know why the other person is upset, defending ourselves only leads to internal anger and silence from the other person, as they gradually come to the conclusion that raising the issue is pointless. And my partner is ready to defend herself.

Why do I prefer to remain silent?

Freud In one of the most important Discoveries raised that we are more influenced by the unconscious than by the conscious. He believes that man does not remember the past, he relives it.

A mother who is only physically present and not avaiable mentally، child does not understand this process and conveys That I can't be seen not lovable And acceptable This is where a person's relationship with themselves begins.Years later, he doesn't believe when someone loves him, and if he succeeds in something, he thinks it's not enough.Not because it really is, but because the subconscious has recorded an image of the first relationship. One of the profoundest exercises of Freud's concepts lies in this sentence: "What is repressed does not disappear, but is transformed from one form to another and returns." Perhaps anxiety is one of these returns...

Short Story

Tehran. The year 1976.

My father's voice echoed in my ears:

Nara, Naraa!... Get up! Hurry up! Don't you want to go to the airport?

It was my father trying to wake me up. I stretched and sat up in my bed. I was still sleepy... drowsy. I remembered that we had to take Mom to the airport, and I jumped out of bed. I splashed some water on my face, brushed my long hair, and went to the kitchen. Mrs. Aghdas had already made me a cheese and ham sandwich, which was on a tray on the table. I took it and went into my parents' room.

The room smelled of powder and perfume. I felt a pang of sadness. "Isn't my mom going on a trip? Why isn't she taking us? At least she could take me!"

My mother's room was simple but spacious. The orange and pink wallpaper and a black-and-white poster on the wall depicted a semi-nude woman with her back turned. The king-sized bed had a pink towel bedspread that was common in homes at that time, and there was a large window with blue shutters overlooking a lovely yard and a garden full of night-blooming jasmine, starflowers, and roses. She would go to the yard every day to pick flowers for the living room. The large balcony in front of the room, with a metal table and chairs, was where we held our summer parties.

I threw myself onto the bed and looked at my mom. I knew she liked compliments, and usually, when she was going on a special outing without us, she became very cheerful:

"You look beautiful!"

"Thank you, dear; how does my outfit look, do you think?"

She had chosen a sporty and stylish outfit, light blue jeans with a faded pink fancy t-shirt.

"I wish you were wearing a skirt."

"No, I'm more comfortable in pants."

My mother was exactly 30 years older than me; she was 40 at the time of the trip. She was 165 cm tall with a well-proportioned figure, which she always took pride in, and she believed that only women who were tall and had a fit figure were stylish and prestigious.

"Are you ready?"

"No, I'm going to get ready.... Maaaamaaan! I wish you would take me too!"

"You have plenty of time to go, dear; you will grow up and go by yourself. Go on, get dressed."

I got up and went to put on my clothes. A white dress with red flowers and white summer sandals. Finally, my mom was ready, and the three of us got into my dad's car and set off. At 9:30 AM, Mehrabad Airport. The international departures area was filled with passengers who were either saying goodbye and crying, or happily searching for their gates, or sitting further away in the restaurant enjoying coffee and cake while waiting for their flight to be announced.

My mom, shining with happiness, smiled at the other passengers. It seemed like she wanted to shout out loud: "Look at me! How beautiful and happy I am! I want to be free from the kids and my husband for two months." Just think about it... not two weeks, not a month, but two months!

The passengers smiled back. On the couch opposite us, a relatively older woman was sitting with a girl about my age. I looked at the girl; she was so stylish! With dark navy blue bag and shoes and a white top and shorts. She had pinned several hairpins in her hair, alternating between pink and white. Every now and then, she would take out a small mirror from her bag, check her appearance, and put it back in her bag.

The woman with her smiled and asked my mom about her destination:

"I'm going to London, dear. Where are you off to?"

"We're going to Rome."

"Have a great time."

"Same to you."

After some small talk, my mom's flight number was finally announced, and she jumped up like a firecracker, hurriedly hugging and kissing both of us very warmly. In my dad's ear, I don't know for how many times, she was giving him instructions, and then she set off. Of course, she turned back a few times and waved until I could no longer see her.

A thick lump formed in my throat. I wanted to be alone and cry my heart out, but I didn't. The girl who was with the older woman looked at me in surprise and asked:

"Hey? You didn't go with your mom!"

"No, I'm growing up; I'll go by myself."

"Ah...."

The older woman, whom I had realized was her grandmother, said: "Well, this little lady has to take care of her father until mom comes back." I gave a faint smile. I wanted to get out of the airport as soon as possible. Why should I take care of my dad?!

Dad gestured for us to go, and we headed towards the airport parking lot. The weather had warmed up, and I was complaining about how hot it was. Dad turned and looked at me:

"Who wants Italian ice cream?"

I shouted, "Me... me...."

And for a while, I forgot about Mom leaving.