r/Soft_Introverts

I always thought of friends to be on the same radar in any matter (like music, movies, series, any place.... basically anything). But what I have noticed (quite persistently) is that friendships like this fizzle out over time. It's very energetic at first, almost like a high. But it all vanishes once you see their true nature hiding behind these interests. And they leave once the conversation bores them.

Surprisingly, the friendships that came with laughs and fun of our own stuff in life, without any of these influences, stays true even now. Even after a decade. That's something really astounding and ironic in a way.

We have always chased the idea that friends should just be like us, sharing the same braincells. But the ones who stay even through the roughs and highs are mostly the ones who don't share the same braincells.

I could be wrong, but it's from my own experience. Would love reading your thoughts (and the things you learnt) here <3

What is your " i wanted so badly to be seen" story?

Yesterday I went to a family dinner and I found myself being extra talkative. I’m not used to being that way and it caught me off guard. It made me realize how truly alone I am on a daily basis. I admire the few friends I have, the conversations and relationships are meaningful, but I think on some level I miss the opportunity to just talk to people.
Just having meaningless conversations just to have the interactions.

If something hurt me, I would talk about it. If I cared about someone, I made sure they knew. I would explain my feelings, try to fix misunderstandings, and keep giving people chances.

But after a while, I realized that being expressive means very little when your feelings aren't valued.

So I became quiet.

Not because I stopped caring.
Not because nothing hurts anymore.

I just stopped explaining myself to people who had already decided not to understand me.

My silence isn't a lack of feelings.
It's what happens when you've felt too much, explained too much, and been unheard too many times.

I didn't become less expressive.
I just stopped giving people access to the parts of me they kept taking for granted.

Autistic helplessness is when, because of the way your brain works, you see a problem that neurotypical people around you simply don’t see. You point it out, you try to help, but they genuinely don’t see it as a problem at all.

Then the situation gets worse, and when everything finally hits the fan, they suddenly see the problem and try to fix it, but by then it’s already too late.

And at that point, there’s not even any point in saying, “I told you so”

Have you ever experienced this kind of helplessness?

This is for all of you introverts who have places they would like to go but think it would be too overwhelming for them. You don't have to stay for the entire event. You don't have to see everything at the places you visit.

Having a day of downtime or introvert time afterwards is also helpful if you can do it.

This weekend, I went to a SF convention. I only went to half of it, but I feel okay only having gone to what I wad comfortable with.

Rather than push myself, I leave when I feel like I might be getting close to my limit.

I treat myself with compassion rather than criticize myself for needing to leave early. It is about recognizing when I am starting to reach my introvert limit and respecting that.

I have noticed that I feel like attending part of events still feels satisfying. My mind registers it as having gone to the event, not as having only gone to part of it.