r/romance

I’ve had time to reflect and I’m sorry for the way I handled the ending, especially the silence after I shut down. You didn’t deserve to be left with that hurt and uncertainty. I’m not sending this to reopen anything or ask anything from you. I respect the goodbye you gave me and your life now. I just wanted to acknowledge that I was wrong and say I’m genuinely sorry. I won’t intrude further. I wish you peace and happiness.

(M37) I’m not getting the intimacy I need and feel like I’m bugging her to be intimate. I crave closeness and feeling on the same page. It’s not just sex, but feeling wanted. I’m open to exploring an affair to get that excitement in my life. I have a lot to give and I feel sad I’m not getting that back. Dm me to start a conversation. I’d love to get to know you and feel excited once again.

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I am virtually always in love with or have a crush on someone. It can be anyone with a personality (or my perception of it) that I find attractive. Men, women, all types of appearances, younger, older, friends, coworkers, celebrities, YouTubers, even a few times fictional characters.

Most of the time I don't even need my feelings to be reciprocated, as I enjoy the experience of being in love in itself. It gives me joy, comfort and meaning. I have had several stable relationships, it's just that when I don't have one and I don't want one, I always have some romantic interest. In the few time periods I don't have any, I feel bored and like something it's missing, it's almost unnatural to me.

No it's not limerence before anyone suggests it, nor is something that makes me suffer, it mostly makes me happy, my only problem with it is the embarrassment.

I feel so different and weird for being like this and often I feel embarrassed about it, I don't know why. Like it's somehow wrong or pathetic or childish to be so centered on romantic love (I'm over 35).

If anyone can relate please let me know, I would appreciate it

And you know I know. I just want you to know I know exactly what the games were about. I know your whole situation and what your triggers were. I knew why you'd be warm then cold. When we made deep eye contact, you knew I saw right through you and being seen like that was so intriguing for you that you couldn't look away in the moment even though you would try to lock yourself down after the fact.

Love isn't a big deal for me. I love everyone, and I'm not embarrassed that I felt something for you. You trying to destroy my reputation after I asked about our vibe was cute and totally predictable and didn't even bother me. Because there's nothing you can do to hurt me.

It's not that I have moved on, where I am isn't a place you leave. I'm just basically ok with whatever happens because I am taken care of no matter what happens. And I can sense your guilt, your dreams, and your nightmares, and I'm just wishing you peace because I can't expect you to behave better for me or anyone else until you can accept yourself for who you are (even the dark parts) and accept me and others too. To stop competing for power and get real about what you really want and are able to give.

I am not going to contact you first and am not sure if the door back to me is even open anymore, and while I might make fun of your immaturity for my own amusement from time to time, I really truly will always love you no matter what. I just don't need to be with you to hold that warmth, and my love for you belongs to me, not you, and I'll hold it until I decide to set it down.

I feel like I like her but I'm not sure I really do.

When I fist started at my uni I saw this really cute guy and got an instant crush he was tall, Russian and mysterious, I then was a bit of a stalker and found out that he lived in the first floor of our student home. The first floor had a study room and a tv room. I decided I would go and study in the study room and maybe “accidentally” run into him. It was just my luck that as I finished studying I saw he was in the tv room, so the next day I decided to study in the tv room. Aaannnd guess who came!!! My crush!!!!! Let’s call him Dick, and his friends, I then sat in the tv room everyday and I became friends with all of them. One night I got really drunk and we hung out and we had sex (I was a virgin). Long story short he didn’t want anything serious and I got another crush on his best friend ( what a bird I know😭😭) let’s call him Franz. So me franz and Habibi( this is my other friend) were a threesome (that is what I call best friend groups of three). And I had the biggest crush on franz and I thought he liked me too. One day he asked our friend Maria if he should ask a girl to go ice skating which I overheard. And the next day he asked me to go ice skating. I thought he was probably asking about me. I said yeah but I told him I had to leave later in the night cause my friend was setting me up with her boyfriend’s friend :((, maybe that was wrong. So we went together to the city and we had wine and we looked at thrift stores, we didn’t go ice skating as planned?? It was really fun until habibi called and asked what we were doing. Franz then invited him to come, which really upset me cause I kinda thought it was a date, I have never been asked on a date before so I was really excited and nervous. Anyways me habibi and Franz hung out and then my friends came and Franz found these girls and he was flirting with them and he left with them and I cried. Anyways we still stayed friends, then came my birthday, I told Franz about my guy best friend that I had in school that had taken me to prom and I took him, I was in love with him and then when I moved countries he started dating my best friend, I told him how much it hurt me. On my birthday party the next day he went and flirted with my friend in my face. From then on he always told me how he wants to just fuck my friend and if she was gonna be there at the function. Then May came around and there was a joint uni party, me and Franz got very drunk and we had sex in the forest. He asked what we were gonna be after but I said it didn’t matter anymore cause I was planning on moving cities. We then fucked in my room but it hurt and he didn’t want to stop and then he broke the condom and came inside me, nobody had ever came inside me. And I hadn’t had much experience in sex. Afterwards he asked if he should stay or go but I said he can stay, but he left first thing in the morning, and came back just to give me a morning after pill after I begged him to. He then didn’t really speak to me for two months. Then we started talking again and he would ask me what I was up to in the middle of the night and where I was at, when he was done going out and partying, but he knew where I was at cause I live above him and he knew where I was cause he had seen me in my room, anyways. So then me Franz and his friend from school drank together me and and his friend made fun of Franz, so Franz said he’s going to bed and the friend can sleep with me, the friend was a guy mind you. So the friend came to my room and we talked until 4 o clock and then I told him to call Franz, and Franz asked if him and” did you fuck her” and I was shocked he would think that, because all I could think about was Franz and all I was asking about was Franz, so I sent the friend to Franz out of my room. Then I didn’t know what to do and I sent him some texts the next day and he said we should be friends with benefits and we came up with the conclusion that that was a good idea, then that same day I flew back home. When I came back I asked when he wanted to hang out and he said that weekend and then I was like nah I want to go to Czechia that weekend what about the next one, so he said yes and the I called closer to the time and he was like what do you wanna do, we probably aren’t gonna leave the room bla bla (hinting at sex stuff) whatever and I was like idek maybe we can go to Linz or whatever we will see. So he comes on Saturday and guess what he has asked his other friend to come with us to the pool and he decides not to sleep over after that was the whole plan cause he was drinking the day before. And then we all get Döner and he says how he’s been trying to get with my same friend and like that stuff. So when he goes home I call and I’m like do you still wanna be friends with benefits and he’s like yeah I just was tired today. And then I call him again and I’m like can you get tested and he’s like okay but like when are you getting tested and I’m like I already got tested cause I got an iud and you have to get tested for that and he said okay he will, but condoms also help, (its free to get tested where we live) and he was like is that all you called for and I was like yeah and he was like oh I thought you wanted to call for something else and I was like what are you on about? But he didn’t say. Do you think I should fuck him one more time and then end things, or end things completely?? Am I kinda in the wrong??? I don’t really feel like I am though, he really hurt me a lot and I love him.

...and It's not that I don't love you, I do, I just don't want this to be my full stop.

Beautiful Creature, Impressed are you? In being greatly honest, I almost gave in last Friday and disconnected my heart from each of its valves to place it in a box to store it away into the catacombs of the forgotten. Don’t think of me as being overly poetically dramatic. Things were really building up and were getting the best of my emotions. I could not help but let my emotions take over me for the moment I was feeling them.

As strong as I look and portray myself to be; Yes, I do cry heavenly. I felt the strong urge and needed to. I felt a little better after I cried and fell asleep. It has been said that crying is healthy. I’m a person that can usually hold back my tears. But, I think because I am getting more wiser; my emotions have gotten stronger. I even cry when watching certain movies, television shows, and listening to music that’s overly emotionally dramatic that I can’t help the feeling…

Do you cry like I cry?

I could be wrong, but I screened shot a photo profile of another person’s face that looked identical to your’s only difference… is this person put’s their war paint on. I’ve taken notice that you don’t wear any war paint. And that’s fine with me. I love your face. Don’t be bashful to show it off. I look at that picture on the day’s that I don’t see you. Although, I do see you when I look at that picture. It helps me coupe a little. Bear with me that I do feel and hurt.

I just look back and think that if we had kept going like the way we were going before when we only knew that we secretly had feelings for each other. I just wonder from your perspective if you would have continued to talk me face to face? You had distanced your self for a bit completely almost hiding from me. You thought that you were being too up front with the way you felt in my presence. You didn’t want to lose the communication we had progressed to have as well not losing my presence, either.

But now, I hope that we will try to work on talking to each other face to face, again.

I’m actually proud of myself for initiating that I have feelings for you. I am happy that I communicated back with the few small gestures that I gave to you in order to acknowledge your subtle hinted gestures. Really…No time could be better for us. Acting on what we feel is perfect instead of going silent and standing still for all the wrong reasons.

I’d rather that we both be on an understanding that we have LOVE for each other than the thought being “Lost in Space.” To Be Continued… -DK

What’s with that feeling of wanting to reach out to someone who was once special but you definitely moved on from (at least what you think) even tho you are the one who cut them off and told them to leave you alone (I meant to push you away so that you would be closer) and now I’m torn between reaching out and looking once again like a bipolar-can’t-make-a-choice girl or just keep thinking of you from time to time wondering if you think of me, maybe we think of each other at the same time who knows. I don’t believe in chance or pure coincidence so I’ll just tell you what there is.

Checked our birthcharts and guess what (you would probably tell me it’s bullshit) butttttt my sun is your moon and my moon is your sun and other stuff that you probably don’t give a fuck about but it says we have high chances of marriage🥹 okay I’ll just stop the bullshit

I’ll throw a coin and if it falls into a gutter I will text you

It felt like that's the way we were headed. There were obstacles, but they'd mostly been moved out of the way and we'd finally be together.

And then, just when I sensed there would be an opening, you made your decision. I don't blame you for going in a different direction. It's just that I really hoped it would be us. You know how sometimes you meet a person that makes all your prior pain and setbacks make sense, so you don't feel bad about them anymore? You were that person for me. You made the past make sense. And now you're part of it, and I have even more emotional wreckage.

I'm just rambling now. But there's one particular day I keep going back to that was the last time we saw each other, when I feel I had an opportunity to make my feelings known. And yet, I hesitated. Why? I can't fully explain. Would it have made a difference or was your mind already made up at that point? Again, I don't know and I never will. But it's something I regret sorely.

It really feels like you were my last chance to get things right. People say that after every missed opportunity or relationship, but at this stage of the game it seems to ring truer than usual for me, on some level at least. In any case, I just wish it could have been us. I really, really wish it were us.

Lalo,

My friend the goofy one. The one who I call My future husband....

I've been here for a while now, thinking about you. Wondering what happened. Wondering how you're doing. Honestly, I really believed you would've messaged me by now.

You haven't.

So tell me something real.

Tell me I'm not alone in how I felt about you. Tell me you think about me. Tell me you miss me. Tell me that some part of you still wonders what would've happened if we'd both been a little braver.

Tell me you want to start over—not necessarily jumping straight into anything, but maybe finding our way back to the friendship we had before. Tell me you finally chose yourself. Tell me you've come to your senses. Tell me you're sorry about Mother's Day weekend and that you wish you could make it up to me.

Tell me it's some truly, madly, deeply type shit.

And I'll tell you something real too.

I'm sorry I wasn't brave before. I'm sorry for pushing you away when maybe what I really wanted was for you to stay.

And yes... it was me on Reddit. Writing to you. My friend. My future husband. 😂 It was me who said, "Why so silent? Cat got your tongue?"

Because the truth is, the first time I saw you, I was stopped dead in my tracks. I still think you're the most beautiful man I've ever seen.

And after all these months of not talking, somehow... it's still you.

When I close my eyes, it's you. When I hear certain songs, it's you. Especially when "Back to Friends" by sombr plays.

I still think about you.

And as crazy as it sounds, I'd still choose you. Over and over again.

Not because I think you're perfect. You're absolutely not. 😂 But because I'd rather have something real, complicated, messy, and meaningful with you than something easy that doesn't make me feel anything at all.

I'm ready to be brave now.

I want the truly, madly, deeply kind of love.

And I want to know if you're ready for that too.

So...

What do you say?

Maybe we stop being afraid of what this could be.

Maybe we both finally get brave.

XOXO- JAI

What was the thing they said that made you look at them differently? What made you fall for them? What made you know they cared?