r/romance

I (36f) took the question, “Why do you think you love me?” as, “how do you know you love me?” and I replied “*because it is unconditional and because I make sacrifices for you”*.

My partner (38m) replied “I do too” in a defensive tone and I took it to mean his POV was, *“I make sacrifices and I don’t love YOU, so why do you love ME*?”

This took place right after doing the deed on the same night he had finally said “I love you” to me outside of sex. (Although fwiw he was half asleep at breakfast when he said it).

I’m now thinking I took the question and his response the wrong way.

I’m afraid he was seeking validation as to WHY I love him.

I’m afraid I messed up a special or vulnerable moment by misunderstanding his question making love seem like a competition when all I wanted to do was give a mature answer. What do you guys think?

Coming from a woman herself, I’m curious because I rarely see men yearn these days. I’m not sure if I’ve been in the wrong areas, not really looking for a man either but wondering if they really are out there.

Do they find it annoying too?

i am having the hardest time in my dating life nowadays. i just have a hard time grasping the concept of loving someone completely new (or to some degree) and having to start over.

i yearn for the times i had w my first boyfriend, even if i was the one who carried the majority of the relationship on my back. i just miss him. or the idea of him. i miss knowing that there was a person who listened to me and i can have at any moment. he didnt really answer my phone calls, so i heard from him only on his terms. it was an addiction. i admired the beauty of him. i miss listening to him share his latest nerdy muse. i miss soaking in his presence. His aroma. i felt like i gave him my all. so much time and energy went into that relationship. most likely because i couldnt bare being alone, physically or mentally. i felt like his life and what he had going on was far more interesting than what i had in front of me. i gave him so many gifts as well, probably the best gifts he could've ever had, and they were expensive too. he didnt get me many, or any but that was fine at the time because i just loved being in his presence.

but mother was right, beauty doesnt last forever. and he had nothing really going on his life. he wasnt interesting. i downplayed a lot of what i had going on but not to make him feel better but because i tricked myself.

he didnt give me much of his attention or time but when he did, oh man that was a ride that i clung onto. he didnt show me off or showed me how or why he loved me. very minimal effort so of course the spark started to fade away, hence why i ended things. but man i gave him my all.

and i am afraid no one will experience that type of love from me again.

the thought of beginning a new chapter with someone else leaves me feeling jaded. Its exhausting to think about how much effort i would have to put into someone new.

anyways i dont need advice really just sharing this to leave my chest because i feel so alone with moving on. we broke up 6 years ago and i am grieving. I am grieving how i poured so much into him when he wasnt even my person. the person id spent forever with, but at the time i thought i wouldve. im aggravated because i wish i could take back my love and have the energy to give it to someone different. someone more deserving. someone who could pour back into me through ways that would leave me feeling refreshed.

just one day. lets see. wish me luck and ty for reading this far. LOL