Life may throw a lotta shit at you, but you do not need to let it define your life.
The River that Flows in You
The river that flows in you never stops until you take your last breath. That river is your life.
And the thing about rivers is that they are surrounded by the boundless possibilities of nature—the possibilities of beauty, growth, and adversity. When a river encounters hardship, whether it's rocks, fallen branches, or unexpected turns, it can feel like it's being forced in the wrong direction.
It can feel like something is pushing against the current that was always meant to carry it forward.
This year, I learned that there will always be reasons to be sad. There will always be reasons to make yourself sadder. You can paint yourself as a victim. You can convince yourself that you've spent your whole life swimming against the current, living a life harder than everyone else's.
But I learned that the world is not out to get you. And even if it sometimes feels like it is, you don't have to live as like it is.
In the last 6 months, I lost both of my grandmothers, leaving me with no grandparents. I lost two vital pieces of my childhood, and I'll never get them back. I don't think anyone truly understood how much that loss affected me. If I'm being honest, I don't think I understood it either.
The losses came at times when there wasn't even room to process them. Life was still moving. A few days would pass, and everything carried on. No one was waiting for me to pick myself up, because even though my world had fallen apart, everyone else's was continuing from one thing to the next. And I felt like I was being dragged by the current.
The thing about being dragged is that you're moving at everyone else's pace but your own. You're getting pushed along whether you're ready or not. You bump into rocks. You crash into things. Sometimes you're just trying to keep your head above water.
For me, I was struggling to stay afloat while being carried by the force of life: family, friends, responsibilities, school, clubs, career plans, classes, meetings, eating, getting out of bed, existing.
Because I never truly gave myself time to process my feelings, I fell into an endless pit of sadness. I was sad all the time. Every little thing bothered me because I felt like I had been dealt a terrible hand. Or at least, that was the story I kept telling myself.
What I realize now is that you can keep swimming with the current even after you've been hit. Bad things happen. They always have, and they always will. But you get to choose how you live with them.
You get to choose how you respond to them.
You get to choose how they define your life.
And look, I get it. Some things are incredibly difficult to deal with. Some losses and hardships are far worse than others. But you still have the power to shape your life into what you want it to be. Sometimes even a small shift in perspective can carry you farther than you think.
As someone who became a little too familiar with negativity this year, I don't recommend it. It's not a fun place to visit, and it's an even worse place to stay. For me, it felt like a year-long vacation that I couldn't escape.
My biggest takeaway from all the loss and sadness I've experienced is this: life is too short.
Life is too short because anything can change in an instant. The people you love won't always be here. The moments you take for granted won't always be waiting for you. You have to cherish them while you can.
But life is also too short to convince yourself that you deserve to be sad. It's too short to believe you're destined to be miserable. It's too short to spend your days obsessing over things that don't matter when you could be focusing on what does.
When I say, "You get to choose how they define your life," this is what I mean.
I took the losses I experienced this year, processed my feelings, and turned them into something I could learn from. Something I could grow from.
Now I know I have a choice.
I have the power.
And I've learned that the only thing truly holding me back is myself.
There might be rocks, fallen branches or sharp turns in my river, but it doesn't mean I have to stop moving forward. And even if I do need to stop for a while, I never have to go backward.
I can rest.
I can catch my breath.
I do not need to be dragged by others. It’s okay to say “you guys go ahead, I’ll catch up. I’m right behind you” because your loved ones will never leave without you.
So focus on swimming at your own pace and remember you don’t have to go back.