r/CouplesTherapyShow

I've just finished watching Couples Therapy and found it completely fascinating.

One thing I kept wondering about is whether the show features a higher proportion of couples whose relationships involve things like consensual non-monogamy/open relationships, or people exploring or questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity, compared with what you'd expect in the general population. That was my impression, but I don't know if it's actually true.

Has Orna or anyone involved with the show ever commented on how participants are selected?

If not, what do you think explains it? For example:

Is it self-selection?

Does Orna have a particular clinical interest or expertise in these areas?

Is it influenced by being located in New York?

Or is it just a production choice for more compelling television?

I'm asking out of curiosity, not criticism. I'd be interested to hear what others think. Maybe it's just the bubble I live in, but the couples I know mostly seem to be navigating things like mental load, parenting, communication, money, and sex. Watching the show, it felt like those everyday issues took more of a back seat.

This pissed me off, a bit. I get the kneejerk superficial ick within Sam's comment; but also it's major surgery and if you have a loving and supportive family member or friend who wants to and is able to support you in a caregiving capacity, then it's not Weird for them to be by your side for a major medical procedure, if everyone can be mature adults about the fact that it's on the genitals. It's not a sexual act simply by the nature of the parts of the anatomy. "Your parent can't be confronted with the medical reality of you having junk" feels on par with an "your lover can't know you fart" levels of immature engagement with the complexities and functions of people's bodies. It reduces part of Lauren's body to something for her romantic partner to claim as theirs, alone, and for sex, only. It's like when some weirdos get jealous of seeing their partner breastfeed their child or see any breasts exposed for feeding as irredeemably sexual in every context.

And Sam being in their early twenties and in a weeks-old relationship at that point, it's kind of crazy to me to be like "oh I'm taking on this role now as your partner", because there's a kind of intimacy and vulnerability in post-surgical care and recovery that I feel is WILD to lock in to with a new romantic partner. I understand why Lauren allowed it, for practical and emotional reasons, but Sam should not have insisted on stepping into that role, even if they felt comfortable saying "I love you" that quickly. I understand the U-Haul jokes have a basis in reality, but watching these two take it to the extreme of rushing headlong into almost creating an infant together after setting landspeed records at every other relationship milestone thus far had me pulling my hair out.

I have a family member who was coerced into a caregiver role for someone she'd only been seeing a short time who had a life-changing traumatic injury, when it was framed as a beautiful and loving and selfless thing to do for someone she DID genuinely care about to some degree...but realistically, had barely begun to know, and who changed significantly after their injury. And then at some point, because she'd already stayed through the initial trauma and rehab, there didn't seem to be any 'good enough' reason thereafter to end things, so eventually there was a marriage, and there were kids, because she wasn't able to leave in the window of time when she wanted to be married and have kids; and it's messy and complicated and came to a bitter end many many years later.

It feels like a sad cautionary tale of what the Instant Spark/Honeymoon Phase can do, especially when combined with some kind of trauma bonding or dramatic beginning phase. Having stuck that out, it feels like the bond forged has already been tested, but a marriage is an endurance race, not a sprint. Surviving an initial dramatic and tense period as a team is no guarantee that the long-term relationship can and must be kept limping along.

Why was Marjorie was seen by Orna and seemingly everyone here as the one contributing the most to the dynamic in this relationship? Jason was not just rigid in his own behaviors, he was trying to push his rigid standards and behaviors onto her as well.

For example, he picked a specific time of day to scoop the cat litter, and she said that's fine for you, but it doesn't have to be quite that strict for me. And the most flexible he wants to be for her time is for her to have a one hour window?

A bigger example: He changes his eating habits and starts telling her "how much protein a 44 year old woman should be eating" and asking what gym she's going to join and who she's going to go with. Excuse me? She never asked him to be her personal trainer. That is controlling and inappropriate. This is never acknowledged; he merely says that she has feelings about it because she tried to to do the same "and failed." Bro! That is really unkind. When the weight watchers story finally comes up and he says OH, if I'd known that I would never have said anything... but dude, you should never have said anything to begin with. That was always out of line. I was really confused as to why Orna never called him out here.

Orna's advisor point to Marjorie's "sharp and shaming way of dealing with his rigidity" as the issue here. Ouch. I'm not saying she gets a gold star but if you step back, she was just trying to hold the line between what he was allowed to control (himself) and what he wasn't (her).

Also, with the cat litter thing, Jason volunteered the idea of taking turns, proactively picked his own day, and then came back the next week and rewrote history, saying he never signed up for a particular day and "got roped into it." I was shocked Orna let him off the hook there.

Am I truly alone in seeing this dynamic through a different lens? I'm mystified.

Unpopular opinion incoming: I think the real exploitation in the relationship was by Shay. Clinton was to all intents and purposes a kid: he had never lived independently before. For all we know, he had never been on a date before. Since his autism diagnosis was recent, I think it's likely he was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated to allow him to focus on whatever adaptive education he got, but he was most likely considered of subpar intelligence. I don't think we know how they met, but it seems logical he would be drawn to a person in the drag community who was expansive about femininity and sex. It's also logical that as he got therapy for his autism and met others with his diagnosis, he would meet women his own age and with his own frame of reference to date. He's also meeting himself as a competent, grown man who can date in his peer group. Shay should not have begrudged him that, especially after she was the one who asked for an open relationship so she could have sexual activity with others.

Just curious to know who made it and who didn’t.. some of those relationships were complete train wrecks and just needed to end but some of them had beautiful dynamics and just needed some repairs. Hopeless romantic speaking lol

i've seen there is an australian version with therapist Marryam Chehelnabi. has anyone who is a viewer of the US version watched it? is it worth watching? i'm curious what others think, and unsure if i want to give it a watch...

So I just finished season two and I’m kind of appalled by some of the comments here in favor of Michal and excusing her behavior. I am actually a therapist and I found her behavior abusive and pretty disturbing. Had she been a man I’m sure the comments would be totally different! by the end of episode nine she showed some growth thankfully. I mean, she literally yelled at her husband and said she wanted to punch him in the face and that his existence was worthless— that doesn’t come from anxiety. That’s abuse. She was even rude to the therapist on several occasions. I really hope she has therapy on her own because she definitely needs it.

So far in season one there’s either (in my opinion) a problematic person or two problematic people. There’s yet to be two stable individuals working through an issue. It’s always one person just causing absolute chaos.

The problem people are

Fucking first and foremost MAU: no need to elaborate

Elaine: has major attachment issues and is deeply insecure

Sarah: I genuinely don’t think she’s that into Lauren (anymore)

I feel like they are creating issues that don’t exist- which I get. No one is perfect but these people need individual therapy before they worry about couples therapy.

Now- If Alan genuinely isn’t cheating him and Evelyn are the only couple who might just genuinely have different lifestyles that don’t mesh & that’s okay even if it ends in divorce. However he’s just a tad bit too sneaky. I need more info but for the rest I feel like I’ve seen enough…good lord

Elliott Sang is one of my favorite youtubers. Lot of politics and critical thought in his videos. Couples Therapy is meeting my need to laugh and judge people. Recently Elliot dropped a video going over orna’s leash stance and her career in the iof. I loved it. Let me know if any of y’all saw this video too?

Oh lord, so I was on the phone talking to my mom about this show (because honestly she can learn something or two 😂) and she told me that she used to work with one of the patients. It was Elaine! Tbh I was actually thinking of my mother while watching her because they seem like they grew up similarly (AfroLatina from nyc, moved out young).

She told me she saw a clip of her on Tiktok and Elaine was always “hard to work with” and whiny.