Don’t know what direction to take with grandparents
My grandparents on my dad’s side immigrated to the US to move in with us ~12 years ago. My dad passed ~10 years ago and they have been with us ever since.
My mom hasn’t had the best relationship with them since then, a large part of due to my dad’s passing. My grandpa is really defiant/hard headed and chooses to do what he wants when she isn’t here and this puts a lot of stress on my mom. We think he’s starting to show signs of dementia but he will never get checked because he was a doctor before so he thinks he’s fine. My mom isn’t the confrontational type, she just rants to us about these issues instead. She’s tried to set boundaries on what they should and shouldn’t do as they live in her house, but they never listen.
I’ve pretty much watched their relationship slowly fade. My uncle (their other son) is practically a deadbeat when it comes to helping out with his parents and the entirety of the burden has fallen on my mom ever since my dad passed. He’s only visited us once after my dad’s passing and we had a huge conflict because he wanted to bring his entire family over to our house to stay here when we were on vacation, my grandparents pulled the “they are family” card on us and that was a big situation that has pretty much fucked up our relationship since then. He doesn’t help my mom with anything regarding his own parents which is probably the worst part. It’s hard for my siblings and I to be close to our grandparents because of how much stress they have caused my mom, my sister has basically cut them out of her life already.
My grandparents live off of government assistance, are basically in the house 24/7, and whenever things come up my mom has to deal with them (cleaning their room and their bathroom, buying their plane tickets when they want to go back home, dealing with their government check ups). It’s getting to the point in time where I’m about to graduate college, and my siblings are moving out and already working full time careers. I’m worried about how my mom is going to be able to deal with them when we are all gone. She’s dealt with too much over her life and she’s almost at retiring age, but still she has to worry about my grandparents when the only thing we want for her and what she deserves is to relax and enjoy the rest of her life after retirement.
Has anybody else dealt with a similar situation to mine? What’s the best thing I should do to help my mom? Any advice is appreciated.