AITAH for telling my friend I don’t want to hangout after she ghosted me?
Throwaway account. I (26 f) have been friends with Amanda (fake name) since we were in 3rd grade together. We were always fairly close, attending the same after school program and being in the same class and we continued to stay close even after she changed schools. We stopped talking a lot around the time she was in college and I had moved out of my parents house and started working. Life got busy and we went on separate paths.
Recently we started talking again through Snapchat. She has since graduated college and is doing well from what she’s told me and I always tell her I’m proud of her. I asked her if she’d like to come over sometime and make cookies with me and she said of course. We planned a Sunday when my boyfriend and his son would be with his parents so we could be as loud and chatty as we wanted without disturbing anyone. We planned for 2:30 pm since my boyfriend would be leaving at 11am and Amanda had planned to take a trip out of town the day before. I mentioned to her that I was really excited to see her again and she said she was too.
I texted on Saturday asking if we were still good for tomorrow and she said yes and asked what time because she cancelled her out of town trip. I reiterated that my boyfriend was leaving at 11am so she could come by anytime after that. She responded saying “that sounds cool! I was hoping to see a boyfriend tomorrow afternoon, as I've been tripping most of this weekend; I wouldn't ask to invite him to cookies, but I may be occupied for some of the afternoon leading up to.” I responded and told her I was totally cool if she wanted to bring her boyfriend with her as I’d love to meet him and we could make it a group hangout. She said she’d check with him to see if he was ok with it, but then never responded. I spent the whole day Saturday cleaning and making sure the house was ready for company and my boyfriend and his son even helped by making sure all the blankets on the couch were folded and the vacuum was ran.
I woke up on Sunday and saw my boyfriend off and then waited for Amanda to text me. I hadn’t heard anything so I texted her at 1:30pm to ask if she knew what time she might be coming. I let her know my boyfriend’s son had school in the morning so I couldn’t be up super late. She said “I understand, not super late, but I'm still waiting on my boyfriend. This mid-afternoon.” I responded “Oki I’m sorry I’m not trying to bug you.” She didn’t text me again until 5:00pm to let me know she was grabbing dinner and asked for my address.
By that time my boyfriend was home and I was about to make dinner for us so I let her know she was welcome to join us for dinner and sent her the address. She heart reacted my message but didn’t respond. She then texted me around 5:30pm saying she was feeling sick since eating and we’d have to reschedule. I said ok and she never opened my message. I talked to my boyfriend about how I was hurt that all day it felt like she was inevitably going to cancel on me. I messaged her later in the evening and said this:
“Hey so I need to be honest with you. I don’t think I want to reschedule our hangout. I know you didn’t know this but I was really looking forward to hanging out with you and I honestly really needed it because I haven’t been feeling myself lately. That’s not on you because I didn’t communicate that, but I did tell you I was excited to see you again and I feel like you knew the whole day that you were going to cancel. It seemed like you kinda ghosted me today because I usually receive multiple snaps and messages from you and today I only got something when I reached out asking what time you were coming, which felt like I was begging for your attention. I would much rather things be clear and upfront and not to sit around waiting all day when I could have been with my family. I don’t want to feel like this again so for now I’ll hold back on scheduling something with you and I’m sorry if that upsets you.” She responded the next morning and with this:
“I have no words? I got sick & tried to communicate that; please don't take it as any more than it is.
I threw up in the parking lot, I felt that unnecessary to include initially but\~
I had been tripping this weekend, leading up to Sunday, but was fine during, just less textable. it wasn't about you”
I feel bad for accusing her of flaking on me, but I had to let her know how I felt. She hasn’t texted me since and I feel like our friendship has fallen apart. Was I the AH for telling her how I felt?