Confusing situation with avoidant friend / possible relationship — need advice
I (23M) have been dealing with a really confusing situation with a girl I’ve been talking to (33F). When we have misunderstandings or arguments, I tend to try and explain myself in detail because I want to fix things and be understood.
But she often says she feels overwhelmed, tells me to leave it, or asks for space. Then she withdraws or doesn’t reply for long periods (sometimes days). During those times, she may still be active on social media but not responding to me, which makes me feel ignored.
When I stop reaching out and give her space like she asks, she sometimes says my “attitude has changed” or that I’m being distant. So I feel stuck — because when I communicate more, it’s “too much,” and when I step back, it’s also an issue.
I care about her a lot and I’ve been trying to improve my anxious/reactive behaviour (like not spamming, not over-apologising, giving space when needed), but I feel like nothing I do is landing right.
She has also compared me to her ex in arguments before and said I might have a “crazy side,” which really hurt because I’ve never been aggressive or disrespectful — I’ve just been trying to fix misunderstandings.
At this point I feel emotionally exhausted and confused. I don’t know if this is an avoidant/anxious dynamic, incompatibility, or just unhealthy communication overall.
Has anyone dealt with something like this? What’s going on here and is it fixable?