u/AlternativeMany2109

I'm 24, I'm relatively new to Anthroposophy, but been practicing some of the exercises.

I'm a "late bloomer", lots of family trauma that I was numbing myself from. So i'm a very shy, people pleasing, introverted kid, I only really started trying last year to do something with my life (aka a sales-career).

Everyday I dread working - making sales calls, getting rejected, swore at. etc... In my everyday life I avoid confrontation and apologize first. I try my best to remain conscious and enjoy the work, observe, but it's always something inside of me "waiting" to be done with the day.

My father was wealthy growing up - all of that wealth disappeared in my late teens.

I don't really care about making money, it doesn't motivate me. I've bought and sold so many different sport cars because I got bored of them after a few months. I don't want a mansion, I don't want designer clothes, a rolex doesn't interest me, not even a ferrari -I can't be asked to take care of all of that ... I don't know what I want anymore, though I know money will bring me freedom & security.

I've tried finding sources of "fire" like my family, my evolution, my vision, but ultimately enjoyment doesn't come from making money though that initial "dopamine" hit of closing a contract is nice.

I chose this work because I knew it would evolve me in social aspects and balance my will + thinking to be on par with feeling. It will also help me in what I want try to do because of the field I'm in.

But something in me doesn't like this life I'm living. This path feels really boring and traditional, there's nothing exciting going on and no adventure. I'm bored, something tells me I'm wasting my life, but the money I'm making is decent if I manage to drag myself through each day. It will set me up long term that's for sure.

I do know I have a desire shift my identity: In 7th grade I remember begging my parents to take me to a military style school, I desired to do something difficult and to train in an "untraditional sense."

Wondering if people who are more educated in Anthroposophy can give me some insight as I'm still learning, but not at a high enough level.

I found a nice deal on a BMW wagon, but it’s Xdrive. It has a very rare color combo, immaculate, low miles, very good price. One of the bests I’ve seen.

I like working on my cars, lightly modifying them and I heard that xdrive doesn’t have a lot of aftermarket parts RWD has. RWD is also less to maintain.

I’m looking for a daily driver, I live in Midwest, so we got a lot of snow so it could be good, but did any of you get the xdrive and regret not waiting?