Has anyone else snapped out of arrested development really late (late 30s) bc of emotional neglect
I had a real come to jesus moment last night.
A number of things have allowed me to live like a teenager well into my 30s. I pay rent, bills, have a job, etc, but the place I just moved out of which was a great deal is absolutely unacceptable (like truly a depression pit). Cleaning it up has been a nightmare.
How I've been behaving in general is very unacceptable.
My brother was autistic with mid level support needs. I have found out I am too with a late diagnosis. Part of me feels like they saw both of us would never be independent or useful but also shamed us terribly for not functioning independently? When I was younger mom would scream at us that nobody helped her around the house or do laundry -- so i yelled back just write down how you do it and then we'll do it. She did. We all started doing our own laundry.
I don't know why I stopped finding independence there but they almost seem to need me to be helpess and well, kinda useless? It fulfills something because damn, why?? Deeply in an identified patient, family systems role. Currently: Single, no kids, no partner, kinda dead end job but it pays decently for little responsibility.
My brother passed during covid it feels like the way they managed him transferred to me and I've been kinda...not right since he died. I have lived on my own pre pandemic with some family bail-outs kinda being routine but after... my dad fanatised about me 'having' to move in with them. When I lived cross country he told me I'd fail in a few months -- I did eventually, but it took 7 years.
Well.
I finally cut all financial ties. I'm in my own place now. It's very late so I don't really expect any accolades or empathy, but I'm horrified at myself. Why people avoid me makes sense. Thank god I've found a good therapist to help me start all this. A few weeks ago we processed a core memory that was causing me a lot of mental anguish every day. I feel like I can finally think.