6 Months of Missing My Twins
6 months ago today, my whole life came crashing down.
We found out our twins Kai & Lennon no longer had heartbeats at 15+3. On a random Wednesday in November. What was supposed to be any other day and an average every 2 week scan, turned into my absolute nightmare. I will never forget the sounds that came out of my husband as he sobbed. The long nearly 2 hour drive back to our local hospital to head to the labour and delivery unit. The faces of my nurses and the great care they took of me. Birthing my precious babies, only hearing silence. Holding them in my arms and telling them how much mommy loved them and that I am sorry they couldn’t stay.
Their birth was traumatic because it started and ended in death, but it was also so beautiful because it was their birth.
A lot has changed in 6 months, but I miss them everyday. I wish they were here with me. At a minimum if they stayed in as long as they could they would be 7 weeks today. My life should be chaos learning how to be a mom to 2 newborn identical twins. But instead they are dancing in the sky looking after me and their dad, and sending us signs when we need them most.
I hope there is an alternate universe where right now I’m sitting on my couch watching them sleep soundly & going to bed knowing I will have a sleepless night ahead.
To my babies Kai and Lennon, our time together was far too short, I wish I had an eternity with you. I love you, I miss you, and I wish you were here. 🦋💖🦋