r/babyloss

Some of you know my story, and some may not. I birthed my darling IVF daughter 41wks sleeping. Today I had her post mortem meeting. It was hard, I cried the whole time. Now, staring at this bit of paper that tells me what happened to my baby, has opened up so much blame...so much more pain, I am devastated, knowing if I would've just accepted to be induced at 40wks, my baby girl would be here, with me, exactly 3 months old, instead of being in a permanent resting place way before her time. She lost her life, because I wanted to hold on longer and give her a chance to come when she was ready, I didn't want to force her into the world, because quite simply there were no signs of anything being wrong to have to do this. So yes, I declined induction, and now 3 months later I find out why she was born sleeping, and this is why..... Diffuse villous immaturity and fetal vascular malperfusion. With a hyper coiled umbilical cord. I asked the question, we all ask, if I delivered her at 40wks, could this have been avoided, my consultant simply said "yes". 😭😭 I am utterly shattered, all over again.

I'm desperate.

In November, my mom died after months in the hospital. Shortly before she died, I found out I was pregnant. I was able to tell her; she smiled and died the next day. My world fell apart, but I tried to stay strong for my baby. I had some bleeding in December, and that’s when I was told I was expecting twins, but that the girl hadn’t made it. And once again, something inside me broke. It was my first pregnancy, and I was very anxious. In January, I had my first major screening. My baby was underdeveloped. There were many painful exams and appointments. At 30 weeks, I had a very painful stillbirth. It was late April, and I was afraid of the upcoming Mother’s Day. In the meantime, my father had been admitted to the hospital because of pain; no one knew exactly what was wrong.

Mother’s Day arrived. My first Mother’s Day without my mom. My first Mother’s Day as a mom, but without my children. I was devastated. Then I got a call from the hospital: my father had died. On Mother’s Day. I still feel numb and empty today. Weeks went by, and in June my doctor told me I was pregnant again. I was scared—almost panicked—but there was a heartbeat. I was still sad because of the loss before, but I thought we deserved a healthy baby. Today I had to go to the doctor for my first major screening. No heartbeat.

My baby was gone ... Again.

I'm almost 35.

I'm scared.

I feel empty.

I feel lost.

I don't want to go on anymore.

I lost my baby 2 months ago at 33 weeks, to a placental abruption. It was very sudden and it happened at work, and then all of a sudden I was bleeding and my baby died and I was out of work for 8 weeks. I go back to work in a little over a week.

Right now I’m visiting my family and husbands family in our home state. It’s very awkward because most people have not mentioned my loss to me. Several of them sent flowers when it happened or commented on my Facebook post well wishes and prayers, but to me face, or even over text, most of my family and friends and coworkers have have nothing to me personally. Even seeing them in person there has been no mention of it or them asking how I am doing.

I am a pretty private person, and quiet, but I think in this situation the silence is even more isolating and sad. It’s not that they don’t care, I’m sure, and I wouldn’t probably know what to say anyway if asked, but it would be nice to have the tragedy recognized and spoken to me. I’m starting to think, after having to almost pretend it didn’t happen around people since no one seems to want to talk about it, that maybe I should be moved on by now and back to normal. Like this is something that happened all the time and I should move on?

But then my internal struggle is also guilt… for acting normal and like I’m okay, guilt for not crying more, guilt for being a bad mom to my toddler.

I’m just curious, if people aren’t going to ask me, but I want to bring it up myself to kind of break the awkwardness, what should I say? Do you guys tell the story of what happened (medically speaking), what do you say about your baby? I only held my baby for 12 hours. She was perfect, 4 lb 4 oz, and beautiful. But I was also very drugged up and sleep deprived and it was in the middle of the night and dark. I have a hard time knowing how to talk about her beyond that.

Here again another birthday has gone by

I wipe my tears as I think of the years

Living without my princess by my side

My plans were many and my hopes were great

Now about my neck I feel a huge weight

Though time has made the emptiness easier to bear

Every morning my heart breaks as I say a short prayer

It is difficult to live my life without your smile

But I know to see you again will be awhile

I’ll light a candle for you and make the most of this day

And desire that someday as this life fades away

That we will reunite and I will once again feel

You in my arms as this sadness repeals

But alas today is a day I fight to get through

I hope you can hear me say Happy Birthday and Daddy loves you

Sorry to post so frequently here. But I just need to get this off my chest.

Trigger warning: Living child

I'm taking my 5yo son to swimming lessons, and today, as I was preparing him to leave, two ladies approached where I was to ask if they could sit there as I was leaving. I said yes, no problem. One of them was a granny, and she started asking how old my son is, his name, etc. And then comes the question that I hate "Is he your only one?" and I've learned to say yes, for short, as I don't want to talk about my loss to everyone. And then all of a sudden, she says: "Mommy is being lazy about having kids," like if she was talking to my son. I was shocked and so angry. I wanted to respond "Oh I'm not lazy it's just that my body doesn't work properly because I had another one but she died" I just didn't say anything because I didn't want my son to hear, he was right there. I just got up and left. I've been sad the whole day.

i lost my first child to sids back in 2022 when she was 2 months old. i have always talked about her to my 2nd, we refer to her as sissy, and she often runs around yelling “sissy! sissy!”. she’s starting to get to the age where she’s gonna ask where sissy is soon. how do you tell a kid that young? what would you tell her?

At 25 weeks I had been asking chat gpt “why my butt felt soaked in the morning”. It would give me reassuring answers that everything was normal. It didn’t tell me it could me amniotic fluid or to call my obgyn or go to the hospital. I know how stupid this sounds, but I know for a fact if it hinted at any of those my baby would be alive because I would have been alerted.

I feel like a complete idiot, a horrible mother and completely negligent. All my self respect is gone. How could I have trusted AI with the life of my child???

At 26 weeks I went in with a fever and by that time I had Chorioamnionitis. This could have all been prevented or at least I wouldn’t feel this guilt if I had just gone in instead of looking things up on my phone.

I can’t let this guilt go. I’m almost 30 years old putting the life of my child at risk for what? I really felt like everything was okay. I really did. I had no other symptoms and I really assumed everything was okay.

When I told my mom that I had asked ChatGPT about my symptoms the look on her face was just horrified. I’ll never forget it.

The guilt I feel is debilitating. I can’t believe this is my life. I can’t believe I lost my daughter.

I just lost my first and only baby two months ago due to medical malpractice and prom.

I’m fine for a few hours at most and I can share encouragement and support to other moms and then I get extremely triggered and horrified this is my life.

I just got a “hug in a box” delivery from a distant family member and it triggered me so much I just started crying and screaming that I don’t want that. I WANT MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!

I just threw it in the closet. I think I was also extremely upset at who sent it. Their daughter (my long distance cousin) is expecting a baby girl like I was in September and I just don’t need pity from people with perfect lives. I know I sound to bitter jealous and ugly, and it’s because I am. I’m very private and I was hoping my grandma and my mom would respect that but one of them told the whole family basically that I lost my daughter. I feel violated.

I didn’t want anyone to know because it’s not like I even talk to most of them. I’m just so hurt and devastated and I thought my privacy was respected and it’s not and now I’ll be seen as the sad cousin who lost her baby. Not that I care what they think but it wasn’t their business to share. My daughter is my daughter and she’s sacred to me.

I call my mom to complain and she says “I’m coming over tomorrow to take you to the doctors” I screamed at her to leave me alone and I hung up. I told her if she tries to take me to a doctor I’m calling the police on her. Mind you I never do that or talk to my mom that way. But she barely comes over or checks on me as much as I would as a mom to a daughter going through this and she has the audacity to try to force me to go to a doctors.

I’m sorry this is a lot. I don’t know anyone else I can talk to. I believe in Jesus and I know my daughter is in heaven but this doesn’t make it any easier. I’m angry at him too. I feel so alone.

I lost my baby girl 4 weeks ago, she was healthy, I was healthy
Everything test was perfect , she just stopped moving. At first I thought maybe I just need to eat something sweet or cold I tried everything. I went to the hospital just to make sure she was okay, I was almost certain It was just a quick check up. The nurse came in and hooked me up with the monitor they put on your belly, she said there’s your baby’s heart . I was relieved, i said thank god
Until the doctor came in and did a sanogram.
I could tell something was wrong. She called another doctor and they both confirmed the my baby’s heart was no longer beating.
I had no bleeding no nothing if it wasn’t for me going to check on her idk how long I would’ve gone not knowing.
I feel so empty, crushed , heartbroken,
I want to try again but I’m so terrified. Part of me wished something was wrong so I can fix it. It drives me crazy knowing I did everything I was supposed to do.
I don’t know if I should try again or if I should wait .
Physically I’m fine I just got my first period
Mentally I know if I’m able to get pregnant and have my baby in my arms i know that would heal me.
I’m 34
I have two teenagers from my previous marriage
I’m recently married 2 years to be exact, my husband doesn’t have any kids this year was our first.
I feel so lonely even though I hav such a supportive husband/ family

It has been five months since I lost my beloved son, Pedro.

I was 15 weeks pregnant when I felt intense pain in the middle of the night; I went to the bathroom, and he was born right into my hands. I had to hold his tiny body and come to terms with the fact that I had lost everything that day.

This is our story—Pedro’s and mine.

I’ve thought about taking my own life many times since that day; the only thing holding me back was a lack of courage, because I didn't want to die in pain—otherwise, I would have done it.

What I want to tell other mothers today is that when people say you learn to live with the pain and it becomes "easier" (though I don't think that's quite the right word), it is true.

Two weeks ago, I woke up without the urge to die. It all happened because of a thought or a memory—I think I had read somewhere that "your child would want you to move forward."

In my case, I was thinking about separating from my partner and living in seclusion until I had the chance to give up on everything and end my life. Then, I had this thought: "My son wouldn't want his mom and dad to separate."

That simple thought gave me the courage to keep living.

You might think that’s a silly thought, or that it doesn't matter because it doesn't heal your pain. What I can tell you is that nothing will heal your pain, but when people say you learn to cope with it—it’s an indescribable feeling; the wound is still there, but it is possible to move forward.

The wave of grief will still wash over you from time to time, but you will be able to breathe again, even while missing your baby.

Sending love to all the moms in the group ❤️

Hi everyone, 12 weeks ago I lost my little boy. He was born sleeping at 24 weeks and it has been emotionally the hardest thing I’ve ever ever experienced, still not sure where to go or what to do next.

I had some tests done and baby had a postmortem preformed, it’s came back in my bloods that I’m positive for APS .. and I’m still awaiting postmortem results to really find out what’s happened. I really don’t know much about APS and the drs have given me very limited information and referred me to haematology for more info etc. but waiting in the mean time between referrals is difficult.

But I’m really worried… I really wanted another baby. But I’m so scared of it happening again as I’ve barely made it through this time.
I suppose I’m just looking for some advice, maybe people who have the same and had a baby? What their pregnancies looked like?

Thank you & sorry if not much of above make sense I’m finding it hard to write down my thoughts.

At 32, I had my first baby. She's was my joy. Now she left me. It's the greatest loss I've ever experienced. I'm just numb and in complete shock. Doctor said she died from respiratory failure due to Gastroenteritis

I’m 6 months pregnant and, from the moment I found out I was pregnant, it has been non-stop worry.

We lost our son to a preterm loss two years ago at 24 + 3. He was born following a traumatic spontaneous labour and passed away a day later in NICU. Cervical shortening and placental issues were the two things potentially identified that contributed to early labour.

This time around, from about 6 weeks, I had the usual sickness and extreme fatigue, but it was coupled with constant worry because a specialised plan had been put in place for me following my previous pregnancy.

I’ve been under consultant-led care from day one. I started daily blood thinner injections, progesterone and multiple tablets. From around 3 months I was signed off work for 3 months while we had weekly checks on the length of my cervix, as cervical issues were identified as one of the possible causes of my previous preterm labour.

By 18 weeks, I had a double cervical stitch placed under spinal anaesthetic. I experienced some of the worst pain I’ve ever had while recovering from it and it took about two weeks before I started feeling somewhat normal again.

Just as I thought, okay, maybe I can finally have a little bit of normality now, I developed severe pelvic girdle pain.

I can’t walk very far, can’t drive, can’t bend down properly and can’t even lie down comfortably. There are certain exercises I can’t do because of my cervical stitch, so I feel limited in what I can do to alleviate the pain. I struggle with basic daily activities, and I genuinely mean the bare minimum.

I’m tired ALL the time. I want to go out and do normal things, but everything feels like it takes an enormous amount of energy. The stitch gives me tightenings and pressure if I'm up on my feet or sat down too long.

And it doesn’t really end here either. I still have regular scans and weekly checks ahead of me, and at 35 weeks I need to have the cervical stitch removed, which means another spinal anaesthetic. Then I feel like I’ll enter a completely different phase of worry — waiting to see when labour will start. Obviously, by that point I’ll hopefully have a full-ish term baby, which I’m incredibly grateful for, but it still feels like there’s never really a point in this pregnancy where I can just relax and enjoy it. It’s constantly getting through one milestone just to start worrying about the next one.

I’m so incredibly grateful to be pregnant and I’m looking forward to meeting my baby and finally being able to hold and cuddle him. But I genuinely don’t think I’m cut out for pregnancy. It feels like my whole body is broken. There hasn’t really been a point in this pregnancy where I’ve been able to just enjoy being pregnant without there being another layer of worry, medication, appointments, procedures or pain.

And now I think I’m starting to feel overwhelmed about the newborn stage too. I keep thinking, am I still going to feel this physically awful when he gets here? Am I going to have the energy to actually enjoy him?

I just want to be present with my baby. 😔

For anyone else who has been pregnant after loss, did you feel like this too? Did you desperately want your baby but find that you just didn’t enjoy pregnancy at all because there were so many other layers to it after what you’d been through? And did things feel different once your baby was finally here?

Hello all,

I’m still very fresh in my grief and my loss was only three weeks ago. My beautiful baby Mila. I miss her so much it hurts. I feel like I died when she died.

I’m struggling because I keep trying to relive the memories of my extended hospital stay prior to her birth, the memories from labor and her delivery, and the memories from her time in the NICU. But it’s like my brain is blocking me from accessing a lot of them. And they don’t feel clear, they feel cloudy. I’m terrified I’m losing the memories, and I don’t want to. I want to remember every detail (even the extremely traumatic ones). Because those are all a part of her story.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Could it just be my brain’s response to grief and it trying to protect me? For those who have experienced this, have you found a way to allow those memories to surface?

I will never forget my baby girl, but I don’t want to lose the memories as they help me feel closer to her

I had one successful pregnancy in 2022, followed by a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks in 2024, a chemical pregnancy in 2025, and the loss of my twins at 19 weeks in 2026.

I’ve been pregnant 3 times for two years, but sadly, I still don’t have a baby to bring home. During those losses, my friend who was pregnant just a few weeks ahead of me welcomed two children and is the second trimester with her third.

It just sucks. Knowing she’s pregnant again makes my whole day feel heavy. I’m happy for her, but it also hurts so much because it reminds me of everything I’ve lost.

She was 15days old when she passed away. She was born with an unidentifiable platelet issues. She is my 2nd baby. It's sooo hard. I feel numb inside. I don't know how to process all that. Am on auto pilot mode. I have no idea how ill join work again. I no longer have any purpose. I just want to die. I can't sleep, I can't eat. The grief is horrible. How do I get over it?

I experienced a second trimester pregnancy loss with my triplet girls at 19 weeks on 3/31/2026 due to PROMM.

I am having a surgery this week to remove some scar tissue and leftover placenta in my uterus. After I’m healed from this, my husband and I can start Letrozole/ trigger injection treatments followed by scheduled intercourse to hopefully conceive again. We were very lucky to have had our first treatment work when we conceived the girls.

I am wondering if anyone has been through something similar? I’m worried the treatment might not work as well since my body has been through so much in comparison to the first time. I realize this is my anxiety talking, but any words of advice or comfort would be appreciated!!

Thanks for reading

It will be 10 weeks tomorrow since we found out our beautiful girl was sick with hydrops and it was also the same day that she passed away. I feel I’m struggling more now than at the beginning, like it’s now just hitting me the finality of everything that no matter how many trinkets I buy or how many letters I write to her she’s not coming back and it’s not going to change. It’s destroying me. I don’t want to be here…not in a way where I would ever harm myself, I would never do that but in a ‘what the f is the point’ type way, I feel like I’ll never be properly happy again. I’ve started therapy (I’ve only had two sessions) but has anyone any recommendations for anything else that helped them?

I’m also obsessed with becoming pregnant again, I currently have my second period postpartum and we tried this month…I can’t help but feel I would cope better if I were pregnant (I’m very aware that will come with its own set of challenges).

Lastly, am I alone in becoming obsessed with my partner? I’m usually a very independent person and I have lots of friends but I feel like I could cut everyone off and just be with him all day everyday which I’m aware isn’t healthy.

Basically a rant/looking for anyone who relates to any of these things! I’m so sorry we’re all here.