Held my son for the very last time today
He died this past Christmas. We held the funeral in January. Today we entombed his little urn in the new family grave. We had to wait until we had arranged for a grave site and for his cremation so we decided to just wait until spring when it would be beautiful outside, and beautiful it was. There were these little flowers everywhere that looked like someone had sprinkled cotton on the beautiful landscape. It rained the perfect amount to be sad and beautiful but not inconvenient. We had friends and family there. We placed flowers. I sang 'We'll meet again' by Vera Lynn as we took turns scooping on dirt; the same song I sang for him as they took him off life support, as I placed him in his coffin, and that we all sang together at his funeral. It was beautiful.
But it was so hard to let go of his urn.
It's the only time we got to see his urn after he was taken for cremation following the funeral. It weighed so little. I just held it close and cried and thought I could never let go. In a way it was worse than putting him in his coffin because now I truly would never hold him again. This was it. His little life was at it endpoint. And I have to keep going.
We'll meet again some sunny day, my sweet little Rune. Mommy will love you every day until then, and beyond.