r/ChildLoss

I really need to know if I’m grasping at straws here…

My daughter has HLHS and was doing well. She had no issues. One day she fell, hit her head and vomited. We calmed her down and she was fine. A few days later she stumbled landed in her bottom and started vomiting. My husband and I rushed her to the er cause we thought she had a concussion.

The er team didn’t do anything. No blood tests, no ekg, no echos. All they did was check her sats, watched her walk.(which we told them she was a little wobbly) At one point they had us let her try eating and drinking. Which she vomited, after that they gave her anti nausea meds and sent us home. My husband did ask them why they weren’t doing anymore tests, like an xray to check her head and they told us it wasn’t a big enough fall to need tests. All we did was sit in a room for 5 hours. The nurse popped in maybe twice during that time.

4 days later my daughter died.

Looking back and just checking Google they should’ve done blood tests, ekg and echos for the symptoms of falling and vomiting because that’s a red flag for heart failure… which I didn’t know.

I’m tempted to contact a medical malpractice lawyer but I’m not sure if I’m just looking for someone to blame… my husband is on board to at least talk to a lawyer but I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I can’t help to think that if they ran tests my daughter could still be alive.

Not at all what I was expecting to hear after 5 months of waiting . A perfectly healthy 18 month old girl . My daughter had a rough nights sleep the night before she passed. Couldn’t get settled and sounded congested. The evening before bed she started having a fever & look lethargic, at that time we just thought she was exhausted from the fever. We assumed the fever was coming from her impacted teeth. 😢. We could’ve never imagined it could be something worse. We gave her a safe recommended dose of children’s ibuprofen, she took a little nap and that seemed to help a bit before she ate her dinner and went to bed with me.

She then slept pretty rough like I mentioned before, but woke up in the morning acting like her normal giggly self, playing with her dad & I . She even ate most of her breakfast. It wasn’t until nap time. She started to act lethargic again, but no fever. I noticed one trickle of green snot in her nose, which was very unusual. I know that green usually equals infection. I don’t know how in the hell that didn’t prompt me to take her straight to the hospital. I feel horrible & like a loser & failure. I found her during her afternoon nap, she was face down & already gone 🫩.

We’ve been waiting five months to hear back from the medical examiner, and her cause of death has been listed as “ unexplained sudden death” . I don’t even know what to do with this information, if there are any parents that have any experience with this, can you please give me some advice? I’m also curious to hear any information you have found from your research. I’ve done my own research, and there seems to be some similarities with my daughter symptoms and other children her age who died, and it was classified as sudden unexpected death.

I feel like I owe it to my unborn child. I’m currently pregnant with to keep digging for answers. .

My 20 year old son took his own life last November. We just passed the 6 month mark of existing in this new agonizing and painful version of life.

I have been more active on the suicide bereavement reddit group, as I am still struggling a lot with the trauma of the way he died, but I also read all the posts here and feel so hurt for everyone who has lost a child.

Last week his headstone was completed and installed at his cemetery. It is beautiful and special like he was, but it was so sad to see his name and beginning and end dates carved in stone. It's so final. Something a parent should never have to see or do for their child.

Today the sadness is so heavy of just missing him. I thought the spring might make things a little easier but it just feels all wrong, and worse than winter in some ways. Hugs to everyone out there who is feeling the same today 💔

I need advice, not judgment.

Since going back to work after losing my daughter, I’ve realized how many people in my life knew about her. I work remotely and have friends, clients and business partners all over the world, so now that I’m reconnecting with people again, everyone asks about my daughter. But it also happens in everyday life, at the gym, in the street, at doctors appointments, everywhere.

My daughter died on February 6th. She was 13 months old.

The problem is that I still can’t say those words out loud to most people.

So when people casually ask, “How’s your daughter?”, I often just say:
“She’s fine,” or “She’s at home.”

And afterwards I feel awful for lying.

But saying “she died” to someone I’m not emotionally close to feels almost impossible. I feel like I would completely break down every single time, especially because most people are asking casually and aren’t expecting an answer like that.

I honestly don’t know if this is a normal grief response or if I’m handling this badly. Part of me feels guilty, but another part of me feels like I’m just trying to survive these conversations without collapsing.

Did anyone else experience this after losing a child? How did you deal with everyday conversations when the outside world kept acting normal while your whole world had fallen apart?

He died this past Christmas. We held the funeral in January. Today we entombed his little urn in the new family grave. We had to wait until we had arranged for a grave site and for his cremation so we decided to just wait until spring when it would be beautiful outside, and beautiful it was. There were these little flowers everywhere that looked like someone had sprinkled cotton on the beautiful landscape. It rained the perfect amount to be sad and beautiful but not inconvenient. We had friends and family there. We placed flowers. I sang 'We'll meet again' by Vera Lynn as we took turns scooping on dirt; the same song I sang for him as they took him off life support, as I placed him in his coffin, and that we all sang together at his funeral. It was beautiful.

But it was so hard to let go of his urn.

It's the only time we got to see his urn after he was taken for cremation following the funeral. It weighed so little. I just held it close and cried and thought I could never let go. In a way it was worse than putting him in his coffin because now I truly would never hold him again. This was it. His little life was at it endpoint. And I have to keep going.

We'll meet again some sunny day, my sweet little Rune. Mommy will love you every day until then, and beyond.

Using a throwaway account for privacy reasons

The situation is as follows:

My best friend got unexpectedly pregnant by her boyfriend, we are barely adults and it was her first and only pregnancy so there arent any other kids in the picture. She ended up not giving birth but she still wanted that baby and it had taken a toll on her mental health. She is mouring the loss of her child and what could have been had things wents differently.

With the mothers day coming up in my country I thought giving her a small meaningfull gift could help make her feel better and reaffirm that her grief to losing a child is valid but at the same time I see that it could be very damaging and hurtfull instead.

So what do you think? Are there any women that went through a simmilar situation and what would you feel when recieving such a gift ? Also if I should get her something any ideas on what could it be?

I’m 2 years into losing Ollie. He was my 19yr son. His loss was sudden; unexpected, and all because he didn’t think clearly in a moment. That moment will always be on my mind.
BUT. I’ve taken a few days out this week to think of him. And to be away from ‘normal life’ as there is no normal life after your son dies unexpectedly.
Yet I’ve been able to carry on. With love; support; understanding from people around me. I couldn’t have asked for more. It’s not been enough. But it has helped.
Now I’ve been away. By myself.
And I think I’m coming to terms. I’ve found signs in little things.
I know he is gone but I’m finding my own signs he is still here in my heart.
And I think I’m beginning to find ways of talking to others.
There is light. Albeit sometimes muted; faded; but a beacon. I saw my son today. X