My mom is in the hospital again
Right before i had a practice with my band i look at my phone to see a text from my grandma:
“Hi there. Your mom is in hospital in (my city). She has pneumonia and likely a failed liver. They have drained her stomach & she’s on a pile of antibiotics. Don’t know what the prognosis is as didn’t see any doctors while I was there. She said they are taking her thru withdrawal process. I haven’t heard anymore yet today and will keep you in the loop.
Love you!”
Initially i had a reaction, a stronger reaction to anything than ive had in a long time. If i had the freedom i would have went to the hospital to see her, but unfortunately i did not.
I went through my day and for a while it felt like i was in a tunnel far away from reality iykwim, then i gradually forgot about what was happening and i had a great day.
Now i cant feel anything, and to feel something i have to force it and it doesnt feel genuine.
I’m scared.
I made a post a bit under a year ago in this subreddit about my mom as well.
What scares me more is that i have zero faith that my mom will get better, knowing her personality.
I feel like ive failed as a son, in not having any emotions about her condition as well as having no faith in her.
As im typing this i have a blank expression on my face, and i dont really feel much
Maybe its just a coping mechanism but i hate it
I want to feel something, i dont want to forget whats happening, i want to be able to fully acknowledge whats happening and feel something