AITA for wanting my stepdaughter to have consequences for hitting people, and being told I have no say?
I’m in a relationship with a man who has a daughter from a previous relationship. We also have a baby together. I’ve been trying really hard to make things work as a blended family, but lately I feel completely shut out and honestly resentful.
My stepdaughter has a pattern of aggressive behaviour — hitting, kicking, screaming at people, throwing things, and generally acting out physically when she doesn’t get her way. I understand kids have emotional struggles and I’m not expecting perfection, but what bothers me is that there are basically no consequences for it. If she hits someone, the response is usually excuses, distraction, or everyone just moving on like nothing happened.
I’ve tried bringing it up calmly and saying that I think there should be some kind of accountability or boundaries so she learns that hurting people isn’t okay. I’m not talking about harsh punishment — just normal parenting consequences and consistency.
But every time I say anything, my partner tells me I “have no say” because she’s not biologically mine. He says I shouldn’t comment on how she’s parented at all.
Here’s where my frustration really comes in: I’m the one financially supporting almost everything. I help support our household, our baby, and honestly a lot of the expenses connected to his situation too. Meanwhile, I get little to no practical, emotional, or financial support from him or his family. So I feel stuck in this position where I’m expected to help carry the weight of everything, but I’m apparently not allowed to have an opinion about behaviour that directly affects the home and people living in it.
I also worry because we now have a baby in the house, and I don’t think aggression should just be ignored around younger children.
My partner thinks I’m overstepping and being unfair to his daughter. I think it’s unfair to expect me to live with ongoing aggression while being told I’m not allowed to speak on it at all.