I 31M start to feel overwhelmed by my 28F girlfriend.
I (31M) have been with my girlfriend (28F) for almost 3 years now, and lately I’ve started feeling something that honestly makes me feel guilty to even admit.
She loves me a lot. Almost obsessively. And instead of feeling lucky, I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and emotionally distant because of it.
We met through mutual friends. I’m her first real partner. Back when we started dating, she fought really hard for us to happen while I was still unsure, mostly because I had gotten out of a very long-term relationship less than a year earlier.
The beginning of our relationship was honestly amazing. We had common hobbies, a very active social life, traveled a lot together, spent tons of time with friends, and it felt very natural. That “honeymoon phase” lasted a long time. We both work corporate jobs, we’ve traveled a lot together, and we’ve lived together for the past 2 years.
But over the last few weeks, something shifted in me. The best way I can describe it is that I feel like the rope around my neck is slowly tightening.
Recently we went on a ski trip with the same group of friends we usually spend most of our trips with, and for the first time it didn’t feel natural anymore. She told me she didn’t really want to go and that she doesn’t actually like those people very much. That surprised me because these are people we’ve spent a huge part of our social life with.
She’s also becoming more controlling in subtle ways. She asks who I’m texting on my phone (usually it’s literally just my friends). She gets visibly sad whenever I go somewhere without her — work outings, seeing friends, even spending time with my sister.
A lot of her life now seems dependent on my plans. One example that really stuck with me: she got invited somewhere one weekend and initially declined because I was supposed to see my sister. Then my plans got canceled… and suddenly she canceled her meeting and stayed with me instead.
Even though we still spend weekends together like always, she keeps saying we “don’t have quality time anymore” and that she wants us to just sit together, look into each other’s eyes, cuddle, and be fully present together.
And honestly… lately I’ve noticed we don’t really have many deeper conversations anymore. A lot of our time together is just cuddling, her staring at me lovingly, calling me cute names, wanting physical closeness constantly.
She has a bachelorette weekend coming up soon and told me she doesn’t even want to go because it means spending 2 days away from me. She recently skipped dinner with her grandmother just to stay home with me instead. Sometimes between evening activities she comes back home for literally 3 minutes just to see me, even if it makes her late.
The worst part is that I know all of this sounds sweet and loving. I feel like I should be grateful that someone loves me this much.
But instead I feel pressured, suffocated, and increasingly cold emotionally. And the more I notice these small behaviors, the more they push me away instead of pulling me closer.
I don’t know if this is a normal phase in long-term relationships, if she became emotionally dependent on me, or if there’s something wrong with me for reacting this way to being loved.
Any advice how I fight through that feeling? It genuinely bothers me for some time now and I cannot “let go” seeing those things which makes me feel like the worst guy ever.. I don’t want to become more resentful.
P.S. I’ve talked talking to her about it and openly communicate that it sometimes feel overwhelming. She usually cries and tells me that is how it should look like when you are the most important person in someone’s life.
TL;DR: Been with my girlfriend for 3 years, living together for 2. She’s extremely loving and emotionally attached to me, but lately it’s starting to feel overwhelming. She gets sad when I spend time without her, plans most of her life around me, and constantly wants reassurance/attention/quality time. I know it comes from love, but instead of feeling closer I’ve started feeling emotionally distant and guilty about it.