u/Altruistic-Elk-7746

I think I’m actually cooked, I intended on majoring in landscape architecture but I want to change it to molecular and cellar biology. Why the change you may ask?
Because I’ve done one semester of a prestigious architecture course at USC as a high school junior that mentally destroyed me and psychically burnt me out and I suddenly remember all the times I stayed up crying. I don’t know if the environment is the same at Cal, but if it is then I am throwing myself out of the nearest window.
Apparently you have to take two semesters before transferring to MCB. Is there any other way to change your major as soon as possible? I literally don’t think I can survive two semesters of landscape architecture.

Though, I’m not sure if they generally put you in pre-requisites first before you take courses based on your intended major, or they put you in pre requisites that don’t require your intended major.

Please to whoever answers this, you are a god sent. I will give up my life for you and pray that you may reincarnate into a beautiful lotus flower grace by the hands of a gentle gardener. 🥹

F18 here, I know this is super embarrassing to ask but I’m currently trying to recover from an eating disorder, I know that eating disorders stunt growth.

I noticed that I was suppose to be a naturally big chested woman, that’s obvious. As soon as I gain weight back, my chest feels weird and I have to get use to the feeling of what was meant to naturally occur. It feels so fucking strange and I just internally cringe at myself for even having these things.

I’ve tried bras, they feel awkward and uncomfortable. I’m in this awkward place of “I want to get better but without improving” and “I can just stay here forever.”

I (f18) got admitted to berekely but Jesus fucking Christ I could give less of a shit, it isn’t even the school I wanted to go to (I wanted community college) everyone’s talking about how special it is, how great it is, it fucking isn’t great. I’m already suffering from severe stress and academics, I have a AP testing next week. I fucking hate my life, I hate myself, I hate how bitter and resentful I am for choosing a life that I don’t even want to live. I wish I had never been an overachiever so I could have simply gone to community college but that means I would lose out on both of my scholarships.

You know what’s even worse? I cried over the dinner table today with my sister and mother, it was my mother’s birthday yesterday and they didn’t wake me up to celebrate with her. It wasn’t even about not celebrating with her. It was the fact I missed out on celebrating with her when I’m the first one in my family to go to university, it would have been our last celebration of her birthday before going to university and staying there for four years. So now I just look like a stupid eighteen year old throwing crying over not being waken up to celebrate my mother’s birthday. My sister claims she woke me up but I literally have no memory of anyone ever waking me up.

I hate how angry and bitter I’m becoming, I’m too young to be so angry at the world and everyone around me. I’m so tired of living, I pray I get cancer or take someone’s cancer away so I can die. I don’t care anymore if I achieved all these “great things” if they don’t mean shit to me.

I literally haven’t been able to cry in three months and this is the first time I cried ever since I burnt out the feeling. Anyway that’s all.