Don't know what to think (dealing with an avoidant)
Me and my (ex) boyfriend broke up 2 days ago, and we'd been together for 3 years. For the last 1.5 years, we were always together, to the point where we saw each other literally every day and slept together 3 times a week.
But in july 2025 he had a crisis: he started to feel anxious and stressed, and he pulled away. That time we took a 1-week break, but after 3 days he texted me saying he was sorry, and we got back together. The next months were fine, nothing much happened until january (when I discovered some things he would do while masturbating, better to discuss those in advance) and february 2026, when after a stupid argument about a scientist he panicked and had a brief anxiety attack. I was really shocked and worried about him. He never tells me anything; if he's sad about something, he doesn't really know the reasons himself, so communication with him has always been difficult.
In march the fights increased because I started to want more care from him. I think I started to become less and less secure after the event in january, and at that point he probably started to feel too overwhelmed. At the end of March he said he wanted to leave me, but after a few minutes he changed his mind, so I understood he was just really stressed out (though I don't really justify these behaviors).
April was quite good, he even proposed booking a 2-day vacation for our 3rd anniversary in may. But on the 29th-30th we fought again over some stupid math stuff, and the next day he went into crisis again and decided to take a break. Initially I told him to take all the time he wanted and to go to therapy, but being left that way made me even more anxious.
So after two weeks, 2 days ago, we saw each other again. He was still really confused and contradictory, but he just wanted to be left alone without thinking about me, so he decided to leave me.
I'm so sad right now. I've tried to accept it, but the more I try to kill my hope, the worse I feel. So I've decided to wait a few months: I will focus on myself, but leave the door a little bit open in case he comes back. I'm going to therapy too, because I guess that my becoming anxious created even more anxiety in him. But when we saw each other 2 days ago, he literally burst into tears when I started to kiss him, and he said it felt good. He also always said to me that he loved me a lot, and he wanted to be with me forever and so on....
So I really don't know what I should hope for, or what the chances are of him coming back. He wanted me to move on, but I really believe it was just a way to protect himself from the risk of me reaching out while he was trying to get better, and because he didn't want to deceive me.
What do you think?