I don't even know what I'm looking for. Maybe vent?
I don't really know why I'm making this post or what I'm even looking for. Maybe hope, maybe understanding.
Almost two years now. One MC, one MMC, and one CP. Endless tests, sadness, anxiety, waiting, pregnancy announcements, insensitive comments, feeling isolated and like a failure.
I feel like my whole life has been put on hold. Like I'm living on standby mode while everyone else keeps moving forward. I don't want to see people, I don't want to talk to people, and I feel this huge emptiness that follows me everywhere.
Today is CD1 after a 2-days delayed period. And honestly, the hormones probably aren't helping either. I had nausea with the delay too, almost like my body was playing some cruel joke on me. I know symptoms before a period don't really mean anything, but emotionally it still hurts.
I don't know how to find hope anymore. And even though I read success stories, sometimes I feel like I'll never be one of them.
I think maybe I just needed to vent. Maybe I just wanted to sit somewhere where people understand this kind of pain without me having to explain it.
I guess I'm just looking for some company in a safe place.