My mother is obsessed with me?
I am 21F I am struggling mentally really bad rn. My mother is literally obsessed with me as I am a younger child and a girl. She definitely loves me but her love feels overwhelming sometimes. When I was young she never let me go and play with other children , when I was in school told me not to make friends now when I am in college she never lets me go anywhere not even to my friends house for one night out even though she knows her and her parents been to her house so many time. She never allows me to go for any trips. My all friends go to trips wherever they want and it's ok I don't compare myself with them and genuinely happy that they get to go wherever they want but what about me will I ever be able to do things I genuinely want ?
Also I got admission to a good college in tier one but they rejected it saying it's private college but placements were really good there and my family started saying to get admission in my hometown i somehow convinced them to get admission to a decent college but it really breaks my heart as I have to struggle for smallest things. I will be graduating soon I tried placements as I am in engineering and in one drive I cleared 2 round and got selected for final round my mother came with me and the night before told me that even if I get the job she will not allow me to go to the tier 1 city. I totally broke down as I was just sad that my own mother is not even happy about me getting a job and just felt so sad that she don't even like my achievements. Then next day I fumbled the last round as I was just out of my mind. I will be graduating soon but still unemployed and feel so sad and suffocating. I am going to do masters but not in the tier 1 but tier 2 college.
I used to dream about masters and in my 3 rd year I got admission to gre classes my mother was supportive at that time and knew I want to go abroad but now she manipulated me saying that there is war this that it's not safe and I really felt bad as I would have to spend their money which I don't really want i now want to go abroad on my own get fully funded phd or go through after getting a good job. I don't want to waste my parents money as I know they work hard and don't want be dependent on them I am really clear about my dreams and life.
But yesterday my mother told me she met an astrologer and he said your girl will get high education also start earning but will stay in hometown only. That's weighing on my mind as I have always dreamt to go abroad or tier 1 cities as there is no job here in my hometown. I know that the astrologer said that because my aunt was with her and she asked if I will get a job in tier 1 cities then suddenly my mother shouted at her saying that you know I will never let her go away and all so I know the astrologer must have said that to please my mother but still I feel so helpless my brother and father are also toxic and controlling. I literally hate everyone now. My mother also told me that she will get me married after I complete my masters right away she knows I am against marriage. In short my family sees me as a girl who might ruin their reputation nothing more. But I definitely don't want to live as they want sometimes I have really bad thoughts but I hope I can get a good job and move out and go abroad one day as it's my dream to move out of here and break free from people also I know astrologers are not always right as one astrologer once said I will move to France and settle there😂 I hope I do but still what feels horrifying and bad is that my own mother don't want me to become anything just get married and have children and don't ruin their reputation she is also highly educated but still have mindset of a rock. I know I will do something good with my life but it's also so demotivating and feels like maybe I have only one option to break free from them and that's ending evrything.