So, I (M) just went through my first real relationship and I'm literally going crazy. I met this girl, Y, in March 2025 (I was 14 and she was 15; now I'm 15 and she's 16). From the beginning, everything was weird. Two days later, she was already telling me about other guys asking for her number. I was totally into it, but she kept me in that gray area for months, saying she "wasn't ready" because of a toxic past and her strict, overprotective parents who, honestly, looked down on me.
There was also this "best friend," Faustino. They were way too close, and he'd bring her gifts and candy right in front of me. She knew it gave me serious anxiety, but she never set any boundaries. I finally snapped and broke up with her coldly (just a short text), and we both cried our eyes out on a final phone call. But then school became a nightmare. She started telling everyone she hated me because of a false rumor she heard in the girls' bathroom that I had a new girlfriend. Even Faustino stopped talking to her because he couldn't believe she was acting so immaturely.
Months later, I was foolish enough to write to her to clear things up. We tried again, and I gave it my all: my mental health, my time, and my heart. But she only held onto me in bits and pieces. She'd give me hope, act like we were back together, and then just disappear. I also struggled with being honest back then; I lied about silly things because I felt less than her and her other suitors. I put her on such a high pedestal that I was afraid to be myself.
The breaking point was when she told me that being with Faustino on her birthday made her feel "safe and at peace." That devastated me. I finally snapped and sent her a really nasty, vicious text. I said everything I'd been holding back for months. I know I was harsh. A few days later, I saw her at school with A, a guy in my class who had literally been bragging about how he was going to "get rid of her." She knew this and still went straight for him.
It took me a year to build something with her, and it took him two days to replace me. Now I feel like garbage. I keep comparing myself to him: Is he better? Is he more charismatic? I still love her and miss her a lot, even though I know she's not good for me. I feel like an idiot for that last message.
Despite everything, I'm still stuck in a loop because I still love her and miss her more than I want to admit, even though my head knows that being with her is toxic for my soul. I also have to be honest about my own mistakes: I wasn't perfect. Sometimes I lied. I lied about stupid things because it made me so insecure; I put her on such a high pedestal that I felt inferior to her and her other suitors. I wanted to be the perfect guy she deserved, so I hid my flaws and never really told her how I felt.
I kept it all to myself until the day she told me that being with Faustino on her birthday made her feel "safe" and "at peace." That's when my heart broke. Even with all the drama and knowing she's not good for me, I still just want my girl back, and the longing hurts terribly, it's unbearable.