​
i’m a sophomore chemistry major. my classes start from 9 am to 7 pm, and it takes me at least an hour to get to my university. i always find myself motivated for the first few days of the semester, but near the end, i start to feel like i have no motivation at all.
i spend most of my time alone in the library, either reviewing or just chilling whenever i have vacant time. i don’t really have university friends to hang out with, and to be honest, i actually prefer being alone. i do worry most of the time, especially these days, because my courses are getting harder and i’m barely passing anymore. but even though i remind myself of the consequences of not pulling all-nighters or reviewing days before, i still can’t get myself to do the things i have to.
i get home by 8 pm, and instead of doing requirements or studying, i just sleep. i think part of me feels this way because there were times i really did try and study hard, but i still couldn’t do my best. after experiencing that over and over throughout the semester, i think i just got tired of it, to the point where it feels like there’s no point in trying anymore.
it’s weird because i know the consequences, like i said, but i just can’t do it. i haven’t been able to open up my feelings to my close friends because i feel like i might be too repetitive and annoying. at this point, i’m getting more and more anxious about failing and disappointing my parents.