I don't know when my life started spiraling. Was it when I dropped out of school because of bullying? Or that time when I opened up to my father only to get told that I'm being overly sensitive? I don't know.
I'm 23 now, turning 24 in 8 days. The past years have been... exhausting, more or less.
I've tried everything that would make me happy. Tried to go out of my comfort zone. I tried making others happy. Yet, there's this constant voice inside my head... it's messing up my thoughts.
I... envy people who have families that care. That asks how you are, that shows that they care, that shows that they love you. Well, mine loves me. I think. But for me, that's not enough. Selfish? Yeah. But shouldn't loving your family be normal?
I always show my family and close friends that I care. When they're sad, they open up to me and I listen. I give them advice when they ask, change their mind when they're about to do something stupid, or to brighten up their moods with jokes when I feel like they're down and a joke's all they'll need.
I do those things, not because I want to be a good friend. Because of one philosophy that I've heard since I was young: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I've grown up with that philosophy in mind, but I've never received the same treatment. Not once my entire life.
So, this is it... I'm not writing all this to get pity or compassion. I just want to let it all out. Before I do something stupid.
Just 8 more days. I need to endure...
Maybe this year will be special.
I hope.