hey folks.
I'm trying to understand if 1) i'm being unreasonable here or 2) we're just kinda incompatible. my boyfriend and i have been dating since october 2025 for reference.
the issue is this-- i hang out with my friends roughly 2/3x a week, usually on weekends. i want my boyfriend to hangout with us sometimes, (maybe once a month or every other week!) but it's hard.
two things making it difficult-
- plans are made the day of
- boyfriend schedule is inflexible.
regarding 1, i've been trying to get things planned in advance but it's hard to get everyone to hang out around the same time because maybe x person will change their mind, or people hang the day before and then are tired and don't want to. it feels like herding sheep (but maybe i'm not trying hard enough.) the group is a bit more chill with plans
and with 2, my boyfriend is busy, but busy and inflexible and i don't fully understand the inflexible part. he started working on a startup apart from his 9-5, that he spends a ton of time on. i support him on this! but he blocks out days for the work, and while we may have sleepovers during these days, we can't fully hangout. usually he has 1 or 2 nights a week reserved for actually hanging out and spending quality time with me. he doesn't see his friends hardly ever. these 1/2 nights that we will hang need to be decided in advance, and if he's decided that he's working on the startup on x days and hanging with me on others it will stay like that. i've asked if it's ok to plan things with friends during this time too, and while i do invite them it's not always easy to get things off the ground.
typically, Friday or saturday i'll get a text from friends to hangout and invite boyfriend.
i've asked my boyfriend to come, but he always says no, because he's working on the startup. i don't want him to stop, but i'm trying to understand why it has to be that day exactly instead of the next day, and we can just move the day we hangout to the day of instead. i am not trying to be disrespectful of him or his time, but i don't understand why it's a problem to work the next day instead of the current one. he'd still have the same amount of time to work on his startup. i've tried to tell him that i don't understand why it's a big deal to swap one hangout day for another, but he says it's like when i had a workout once a week with friends at a specific time. i feel it's not the same because rescheduling that is not just dependent on my schedule, but a few other people's.
i'm beginning to think that he is just using this as an excuse or is a bit of a loner. he really only hangs out with me and it's starting to get to me because it's been months of saying no and at this point i'm thinking to stop asking him entirely. my friends are a huge part of my life, as i live in a different country from my home country and they've made it feel like home for me. my boyfriend lives with his mom, and has had the same group of friends since he was 16.
Are either of us being unreasonable, or are we just incompatible?