Is my (future) MIL too controlling? Or do I have a control problem?
My (25f) boyfriend (24M) and I have a trip coming up to visit my MIL and her husband states away from where we live.
CONTEXT: My boyfriend and I had gone to stay with them for a whole summer once before, and I told her I had to bring my dog, because I am the type of person to bring my dog with me on trips. They are my responsibility, and one I do not take lightly. She gave me a list of rules for how my dog would live in her house, and I agreed. Her husband is a CEO and she is a stay at home wife. Neither him nor her grew up with money so although they are wealthy now, they are (sometimes) still practical people. Their house is worth millions. However, after a short while of us living there with the dog, she began to break her own rules. I’d come home and she’d have the dog on the couch, which she told me he was not allowed to do. It made me nervous, but she said it was fine. Basically because she wanted him on the couch. I think anyone in this situation would feel conflicted, because now the rules are changing and shifting.
Fast forward to now. I have a new dog, same breed, good dog. We are supposed to go up for three weeks. She tells my bf that my dog cannot come. Because she doesn’t want her furniture or anything messed up, because of her cats (who were fine with the previous dog) and because last time my dog got on some blankets she “had to throw them away.” She said I did not follow the rules last time, therefore my dog can’t come, no negotiations. He can’t live on the screened porch, he can’t be kept in my room, nothing. Because it would “stress her and her cats out.” I lamented that she changed her own rules last time, so how could I have known what stayed in act and what didn’t? I feel like she’s just making it hard because she wants it her way. It will stress ME out to leave my dog behind and in the care of someone else for three weeks.
Besides the dog, I am also angry at her because she lives by “my house, my rules.” Though it is not HER house. Okay that was mean. Anyway she has also imposed the rules that I may not sleep in the same bedroom as my boyfriend, even though we do this at home because “we are not married.” I agreed to this rule before, and then his BROTHER and his GIRLFRIEND came up to stay, and the two slept in the same room, and me or my boyfriend had to give up sleeping in a bedroom and on the couch to accommodate them. This is an issue with me now, because for the three week trip, she will be having visitors who will also com to stay the night, and he and I will constantly have to be giving up our beds in order to accommodate those guests. Weird right?
Lastly, I am an average attractive girl. I am a model and have an okay figure. I wear bikinis, and I wear what I want to wear because I’m an adult. The bikinis I wear are cheeky. I have a big butt and it’s hard to full coverage the damn thing. I feel also that it’s my body, and if I want to be most comfortable while doing an activity that I enjoy, I am allowed to wear what is most comfortable for ME! They have a pool, and she recently told my bf that I will have to wear modest bathing suits, because she doesn’t want her HUSBAND to see my body. (My bf and I agree her husband would never ever look at me in that way.) He told her that her husband “John” would not look at me that way, and she said she still doesn’t want me to dress like that, because compared to her (a 50+ year old mother of 4, grandmother of 3) I am young and skinny and beautiful.
So her rules are:
- No dog (even though I’ve already brought a dog and she sang his praises at the end of the trip. She NEVER came to me and said she felt I had disobeyed her rules or caused damage in the two years since.)
- No sleeping in the same bed
- No “immodest” clothing
I am at the point where it is not just house rules, like cleaning up after yourself, and being a respectful guest, but more about controlling me and WHO I am. I HATE the idea of being FORCED to dress a different way than I normally would simply because the host of the house I’m staying in is unreasonably insecure.
Am I crazy? Is this normal?? Am I overreacting?
I don’t want to go on this trip anymore because now I don’t feel like it’s a reasonable list of rules to be followed, but a means of controlling us. He’s fine with being controlled, I am not.
Is his mother being overbearing? Unreasonable? Or is it normal for hosts to impose rules like this?