Desensitization?
Read cautiously if you struggle w SH validation
Ive never really posted on Reddit, sorry if it’s unusual formatting idk
So I’ve been SH for a bit now and I haven’t done it in a few months but now that it’s getting hotter out my scars on my legs are becoming visible. I find comfort in them in some way but I feel embarrassed about the idea of it being perceived. For some reason, I feel like I want to do it again and I think it’s cause I deep down I don’t validate it and I want to prove a point. I mean factually I know that I have literal scars but they’re kinda thin and white. I guess since I’ve been introduced to it since middle school (high school rn) I kinda got desensitized? I just never felt like it was really SH since I started off on my arms with a dull scissor but I felt it was invalid for a multitude of small reasons, for an example the saying of how one direction is attention seeking while the other if u really want to do damage. I cut in a bunch of different directions around my arms and it left scars but once it faded I guess that’s when I started again. That’s when I found out I’m not just limited to my arm and started doing it on my leg. I unconsciously kept a glass shard from a broken piece of a bowl and I just had the craving for it. So I started SHing again on my right thigh. This time I should just keep going at it in one direction until it felt enough. This left small white scars and going back to what I said in the beginning, I think I’m getting to desensitized to it. I feel like it’s not that big of a deal when deep down I know that this isn’t normal since if I were a friend, I’d tell them “your purposefully hurting yourself, that’s self harm end of story.”I’m not sure what type of advice I’m trying to ask for but I don’t enjoy not understanding myself in this situation. I just want the feel of the glass glide through my skin and smudge the beads of blood. I’m not trying to glorify it but it’s frankly a craving. I’m too scared to cut deep but I don’t think it’s valid. I know I’m just ranting at this point but I don’t know how to stop this feeling.
And I just want to point out that, if you’re causing any form of pain to yourself, it’s absolutely considered SH. You are valid. Personally, I just struggle with it even I know the truth because my brain freaking sucks.