u/Amber_Valerie — reddlx

Like I shared in my last post, I've started therapy, which is required to get HRT (and anything gender related) in this country. In my second session, the therapist showed me an hour long video about some Swedish detransitioners and told me to not go to any community meetings, because that might "muddy the waters" and give me biased opinions or something.

Today would have been my third session and I was prepared to go there like this and tell him what I tought of his approach. Then the clinic canceled and I'll have to wait for the next session who knows how long. I can't just walk around like this at home, because it's frowned upon. And since a kid is involved and possible custody issues in the medium till long term, my freedom around this issue is severely limited, even in my own home, despite not being a couple anymore with the mother of my only child. Since I told her what is going on with me, she only treated me like garbage.

I decided to at least make a few photos. It's not much, just some light makeup and nailpolish and some clothes that actually spark joy inside me, instead of the rags I'm forced to wear as a "man". It's far from perfect and the beard shadow makes me want to peel off my skin, but I feel like there is potential here and I'm way more comfortable looking like this, compared to how I'm forcing myself to look, in order to be accepted in this society. Even trying out makeup is next to impossible by the way. I got accused twice of wearing some, when I wasn't and called a liar about this.

Okay, I'm just rambling. Or I'm just venting, I guess... Maybe I just wanted people to see me. The real me, or as real as I'm able to get right now.

Greetings from Germany,

Juna

Hello all, I'm Juna. (I had to make a new account, if you know me already!)

I'm from Germany and just started therapy, trying to get a diagnosis for gender dysphoria. This is a prerequisite, to get any trans healthcare in Germany, so I have to do this.

I'm fourty and finally had to come to terms, that living as a man has destroyed everything, including my marriage and my will to take care of my body and mind. This is the basis, with what I walked in there. The therapist is a young man, a few years younger than me even.

For some reason, the clinic decided to let me skip the waiting queue, which would have taken me months, before I could have even begun therapy.

I just had my second session and my therapist is taking a weird approach, to say the least.

First of all, last time we talked about me looking into trans community meetups. He asked me not to go to one of those, because they could "muddy the water" or skew my perception of what it is what I'm going through. Something like that, he was not precise in his speech.

Then he asked, if I had a bit more time on my hand, because he want's to show me a movie. I agreed and that is when he told me, it was a movie from Sweden, about two detransitioners, who share their stories. The movie was fucked up. One of them lied to their husband for 11 years and when it came out they are trans, the husband tried to murder her. The other person shared, that they were not informed before the operations, that the process was not reversable and that they regretted it immediately.

I was not impressed... I've been pondering this issue for over a year now, I've done my homework. I asked him straight away, if he want's to scare me, but he said, this was only to give me another perspective and that we will come back to some of the issues from the video in future sessions.

No idea what to make of this. Not asking me to seek community, when I'm more lonely than ever in my life seems all kinds of messed up.

Mostly wanted to share, but maybe some of you have thoughts on this...