My husband (32m) and I (28f) had our first baby in November of 2024. It was a difficult pregnancy. I was told by multiple doctors that it would be nearly impossible for me to get pregnant, and if I did it could be very dangerous. This is because of sexual abuse I endured as a young child that caused lasting damage to my reproductive system. I barely speak to my biological mother because of this and she has never met my children. She allowed the abuse by not believing me when I told her. I know im not the asshole on that one.
Anyways. My husband and I finally got pregnant. I ended up in heart failure, liver failure, kidney failure, and had fluid building around both lungs, heading into respiratory failure and total organ failure. I was dying. I had an emergency c-section at 31 weeks and gave birth to a healthy, 3lb baby boy. He stayed in the nicu for 2 months and we finally went home January of 25. During all this, my sister came to visit me. She offered my dad and step mother cost free transportation to come visit me in the ICU and meet the first grandchild in the NICU. They refused. Their reason? They had a "bad feeling."
My husband's family, however, were there and super supportive and kind. They were excited to meet their first grandchild and everybody cried when they saw how tiny he was in the NICU on a ventilator.
When we finally went home, I had bad PPD. And my husband couldn't take off anymore work. The house, the new baby, and my recovery was all up to me. I ended up back in the hospital with sepsis from a boob infection. Even then, my dad and step mom didnt show. When back home the second time, I was drowning in house work, still trying to recover, and feeding a premature 4lb baby every 3 hours around the clock by myself for days on end. I went 11 days doing this by myself with no help. Husband was working excessively, and then got covid so he had to stay away from us. He did his best to help when he could. I begged my step mom for help and there was always some excuse as to why they couldn't come help. Up until this point, thought we had grown closer. We talked on the phone almost everyday and she would come over and clean my house for me (too big and pregnant to do it all by myself) but the thing about ut was... I was paying for her help.
When I couldn't pay, they didnt show.
For context, my dad had a stroke at 33 years old. After that, they have lived below the poverty line. They did their best to raise me, but we were dirt poor. I always gave them a pass because of this. When they didnt show up to my high school graduation, I gave them a pass. When they didn't show up to any of my college graduations (paramedic school, then nursing school) i gave them a pass. But when they didnt show up for me when I was critically ill, and their only grandchild who was super premature, I started to see who they really were. Remember, it wouldn't have costed them anything to come see us (we were 2 hours away) because my sister was going to bring them and even feed them for free. They didnt meet their grandchild until he was 3 months old, and I brought him to them. I cut them off last year around October. Sometimes I feel bad about it, but I warned them that if they didnt start showing up for their grandchild, they needed to go no contact. I told them they weren't going to break his heart, or make him feel alone and unloved like they did me.
So, am I the asshole?