AITAH for considering to break up with my boyfriend because his mom has cancer?
I (18F) have been with my boyfriend (18M) since we were 14. We’re long distance, so we’ve only met a couple of times. Our relationship has always been on and off, and we got back together last year.
The best way I can describe our relationship is like the weather in the Philippines: either sunny or rainy, no in-between. Some days we talk every day like a normal couple, but there are also times when he disappears and barely replies to me at all. That’s actually why we broke up the first time—he ghosted me. Even then, I kept trying to reach out.
I understand that he has a lot on his plate: academics, mental health struggles, and family problems. I really do understand all of that. But sometimes I wonder, what about me?
Whenever I ask him what’s wrong or why he’s distant, he only gives vague answers. At one point, I even started thinking he might be cheating because of how absent he became.
When he opens up about his problems, I’m always there to listen, comfort him, and give advice however I can. But when it comes to me, it feels different.
For example, my dad has CKD Stage 4, and the first time I finally opened up to him about how scared and emotional I was about it, instead of comforting me, he started talking about his mom’s cancer. Mind you, we’ve talked about his mom many times before, but this was my first time opening up about my dad. I was literally crying about my father and my own issues with him, and suddenly the conversation became about his mom again. I just sat there thinking, “Oh… okay then.”
Now I’m going through my own mental health crisis because of family drama, and once again he isn’t emotionally present. This time it’s because his grandmother is sick.
And I know he has every right to be overwhelmed. I know he’s dealing with a lot. I’m not expecting him to comfort me 24/7. But the problem is that whenever he needs me, I’m always there for him no matter what—even when he ghosts me. But whenever I need him, he’s emotionally unavailable.
It feels unfair, and I’m starting to wonder if wanting to leave makes me a bad person because his mom has cancer.