r/AITARelationship

I (45M) have been with my partner (40F) for around 20 years and we have a 5-year-old daughter together. Over the last couple of months, my partner became heavily involved in a mobile game alongside Discord communities linked to the game. What started as casual gaming escalated massively. She was spending huge amounts of time on her phone, sometimes staying up through the night because of events, time zones and talking to people online.
At one point she was barely sleeping, constantly exhausted, emotionally distant and permanently on her phone. Family life started falling apart. I was and am doing almost all of the parenting, school runs, housework, meals, bedtime routines etc. Our daughter started becoming emotionally affected by the tension and imbalance at home.
The thing that hurt most personally to me was that she also became emotionally close to other men online. She insists nothing physical happened, but they were talking privately a lot while she was emotionally withdrawing from me. I also later found out there had been fake/catfish-style photos shared online involving filters/edited images and conversations that crossed boundaries for me in a long-term relationship. That completely destroyed my trust.

We’ve had several long conversations where she’s apologised and promised things would improve. She said she would:
\\- reduce game time,
\\- become more present with our daughter,
\\- reconnect as a family,
\\- delete the game/Discord.
Although some small improvements have happened recently (she has cooked a couple of times and you now only have to call her 4 times before she looks up from her phone), but overall I still feel like I’m carrying almost everything emotionally and practically.

The hardest part is that whenever I try to talk about the relationship or family situation she quickly says she feels overwhelmed and shuts the conversation down. But if I ask about the game, she can talk about it enthusiastically for over an hour.
I’m now emotionally exhausted, my mental health has taken a huge hit, and I honestly feel like I’m reaching the point where I want a clean break because I can’t keep living like this.
She says I’m being controlling and doesn’t understand why I can’t just accept gaming as her outlet, but from my perspective this has gone way beyond normal gaming and has seriously damaged our relationship and affected our daughter.
AITA for feeling like this relationship may now be over?

So me 33m her 30f. I don’t have any kids and never been married but her married with 4 kids two biologically hers 3 of them under 5 and one is a teen. We started out fwb because we were coworkers and she’s married. I cut her off because it’s been at least 8 months and she hasn’t filed for a divorce yet. Her husband is trans and not working I believe.

I asked her about him living there and she said she’s not gonna kick him out if her kids need a place to stay but one moment he didn’t want anything to do with the kids next thing I know he didn’t want me to meet the kids but after they talked he was ok with it. I’ve asked her why has it taken so long to file and she’s said she’s been busy with work kids, parents etc but she makes plenty of time for me. She claim she was pregnant at one point but turned out she wasn’t. Her brother called me from her phone to talk about it yet I’ve never met or spoken to him before but he wanted to know what my plans were for the baby.

Still no pregnancy claims as of later either and it’s been over two weeks. We no longer work together so work isn’t a problem because she’s not my boss anymore. I feel like I’m staying with her because she’s been supporting me and loving on me and I enjoy her company till her touch overstimulates me or she wakes me up in my sleep because of how she sleeps

I keep expressing that I’m concerned about her wellbeing with her husband going through her phone because I thought it was clear they’re getting a divorce but he’s dating someone else and wants to have a conversation with me. Her dad wants to talk to me and meet me and I don’t want to meet him because I don’t know where our relationship is headed with her still being married. I feel like she’s not being truthful about allot of stuff. I do love and care for her but in my soul this isn’t how I’ve envisioned my love life and I’ve expressed that to her and all my multiple concerns and she says she hears me and that I’m overthinking things but I’m not happy

I (21m) broke up with my ex (21f). We were friends for 5 years and I always liked her but because of mental health, I couldn’t fully attend her and led her on. She gave me another chance after a whole year of not talking and we started dating last year. Me and her trauma bonded and she was everything to me. The one person in my life I was fully myself around and I could tell her anything and everything. She did everything for me just so I wouldn’t need to do stuff. I wanted to marry her. She was my first everything and I feel like the luckiest guy cause how many chances she has given me. I am young but I saw everything with her. I wanted to be better for her and changed majors as well. She however struggles with mental health. She has ADHD and BPD and her ups and downs were a lot for me but I still stayed because she stayed when I was showing my issues. We got way too codependent on one another and I would cry when she needed to leave and the same for her. This summer, I made many plans with my guy friends and I left the apartment we live together at night a lot. Everytime I needed to leave she would cry and I felt bad but I wanted to have fun. Two weeks ago I was getting sick of it and asked her for a break. I didn’t want to break up with her, just needed space. But I guess I made it sound like I wanted to end it cause I was mad and she completely broke down and I was scared she was going to hurt herself. I know her history and I was scared and I couldn’t handle all that. I love her to death but that was way too triggering for me and I just can’t do it. I told her that I didn’t want to break up and she accepted it and I left. This is where I feel like I messed up. The night I left, I got on Hinge. I was scrolling and sending likes. I also asked a girl on a date. I can tell my gf was still sad because she would send me these paragraphs about how sorry she was and blaming herself. I feel bad now thinking about it because I also went on yk websites and websites where you can talk to others. I wanted to just distract myself but I couldn’t bring myself to end it. Ig I was cheating. Then I kept going out with friends and I decided to text her that I still needed more time to heal. But I kept going on hinge and all that. I forgot I left my computer at her house and she went through it and found everything. She texted me crying saying I cheated and I figured it was already too late now. I felt awful but I was already going to end it anyways but I guess I should’ve been honest. Some part of me wanted to see if I can find someone before letting her go. I still love her and I want to speak to her in person. I wanted to just be away and process before seeing her but I couldn’t sleep at night and I was out all day with friends drinking and smoking to forget. I wanted to just forget her because at night I would keep looking at pictures of her and I am so hurt right now. But I can’t bring myself to think I actually cheated because in my head I was done but I just didn’t tell her yet. I asked to see her next week so we can end on good terms but I don’t even know what I meant by that. I still want to be friends with her and have her in my life but I feel like it’s just over. AITAH?

Context:
My girlfriend and I have had small conversations about this guy coworker who she became friends with. She never told no and in fact comforts me many times about how I am the only one for her and that she’s always going to be there to comfort and listen to me I ever want.
There is nothing wrong with there friendship as it’s purely platonic. I don’t want her to stop being his friend either as they are in a friend group and she really happy with all of them.
My thing is this guy and her text almsot everyday. Even when I’m present and I’ve brought it up that hey Id rather that she wait till she’s home to text him. He’s done nothing wrong and neither is she. I’m just being cautious as this her first guy friend

Story:
\*\* \*\*Recently we had a little care with her being late 2 weeks on her period. She is a very anxious girl and she was pretty down and she can show it. We took a test and negative cool all is done. One day asks me if I can ask her sister through text for something she left at home. I seriously for the life me couldn’t find her and her context wasn’t showing up so I searched up “2 weeks”. That being because I was there when she texted her about it as we went to her house to do the test. And when I search it up, the guy coworkers name shows up. She had texted him about it. It surprised me b it did not upset me because I had told some of my friends too it’s a stressful situation and I understand why she vented to someone.
Fast forward a bit and we’re In bed talking about things and I was just telling her that I was okay with her hanging out with guy coworker and interacting. I admitted he made me a little jealous and insecure at times but I wasn’t going to let that ruin her friend ship. She reminded me that her phone is an open book and that she isn’t looking actively trying to hangout with him on their own. We are good. I don’t know what took over me but I asked like this:
\- will be her responses
Hey I have to ask you something important
\*\*-\*\*oh sure
I wanna ask and it might be weird but I want you to be honest with me
\*\*-\*\*okay go ahead
Did you tell him you were two weeks late
\-(pause ) no I didn’t why would I?

My heart sank. She’s lying to me and I know that she is. I gave her multiple opportunities to come clean saying hey are you sure you are telling the truth I feel you off and she kept saying no. Then I told her that I saw the texts and she confessed and her words were
You scared me how you started the question and with Avery thing about him making you jealous and a little insecure I didn’t want just say yes and make you feel worse.
In all honest had she said yes I wouldn’t have cared but she didn’t and I’m still in shock.
She kept apologizing and saying that there’s nothing there and that I can look through her phone and she promises that nothing there and she feels bad that she lied. She dosent want me to doubt her when she tells me something. I know her she’s never lied but I feel hurt it happened and I just can stop thinking about if there is something else that she could be lying about.
She was sad all night and all day today and kept reminding me how sorry she was. I told her that I want some boundaries with him and explained them and she was okay with it and promised that she wasn’t saying yes just to try to make me happy but to actually make sure they are there.

Im not a perfect person as I have lied to her to and have come clean but if didn’t know the truth would she have come clean? Ask if you have any questions :) anything helps for real and thank you for your time.

Ps I’m sorry I suck at writing I am legit on my phone at 10 pm. And sorry for no grammar I hate doing this but I’m actually anxious over this

​

My girlfriend of 2 years, has a tshirt that she borrowed from her best friend, who is gay, apparently. I mean, the guy has also had a crush on me for a ridiculously long time, and I've been good friends with him even before I started dating her. Apparently, 2-3 years ago, my girlfriend took this guy's ( her best friend ) tshirt because it was comfortable, and this was a time when this guy was really, GENUINELY homosexual, a time when he was confessing to a lot of my guy friends and might have had a massive crush on me. But over time, idk what brain chemicals hit him but he started liking women, but still shows some homosexual tendencies. Regardless, my girlfriend, still wears his tshirt, to this day, telling me that it is severely comfortable and that it has shaped itself to become her shirt. I feel uncomfortable about it, should I feel this way? Because as far as I know right now, the guy really treats my girl like a sister, but given his past records after he had his slight "heterosexual transition", I don't trust him, or infact any guy. Should I be this uncomfortable? And please, it is a request that no one feeds into my overthinking. If anyone has genuine advice and opinions on the matter, please share them.

note to mods: i made this new account because he knows what my old account is. i do not want him to see this.

hey guys. i need some help in regards to what to do in my relationship, and i'm curious if anyone else has gone through this. i want to be as open and honest as possible. i'm making plans to leave my partner, and he doesn't know yet. i'm not planning to blindside him or kick him to the curb at all. there's part of me that still loves him.

i live with my partner, currently. we've been together almost 2 years. when we first started dating, he and his roommates were moving out, so i let him move in with me after only 3 months of dating -- red flag #1, i know. but i thought we were in love.

our first year was tumultuous, but happy. they worked a decent job that made pretty good money, and so did i. we balanced work and home life pretty easily and in general had a lot of fun together. but he started to get more and more miserable at his job. at some point, i had an emergency and his job would not let him take time off to help me recover, so he quit. at the time, i thought this was such a noble sacrifice and it meant a lot to me.

however, things got really tough. he said he was constantly looking for work and was going out of his way to find a new job, but looking back i'm not so sure. he turned down two opportunities my parents provided, wouldn't do doordash or shipt, and the financial onus was on me. he took over the cleaning and cooking and pet care while i worked, but would often fall into deep depressive pits due to his struggles with BPD. he started saying he actually enjoyed being a stay-at-home boyfriend. meanwhile, i'm working my ass off and getting loans from work and crying and pleading with bill collectors just to get things paid. again, he was out of work and i thought he was really trying. he finally got a job, and before going to the interview he joked "i guess i'll go since you MADE me get a job." at the time i thought this was just him playing around, but i remember feeling very nervous.

he started making jokes about me being his "walking wallet" and spent almost all of his paycheck when he got it. i'll be fair and say i only asked him to pay a certain amount of bills because of the discrepancy in our incomes, and he DID do that, but after that pretty much everything went to his hobbies. we used to send cute texts throughout the day, but now he only texts me when he needs money or for me to pick up something for him.

a year later and he still has the job. things are still pretty tight and i'm still paying for almost everything. he's helping around the house but is spending a lot of time on his computer and at a hobby store in town. he took on a second job because we want to get out of our current living situation and move somewhere else, but quit after 2 weeks -- i told him this was fine, i said when it started affecting his mental health he could leave. but after that, he seemed to sink into himself and missed about 3 days of work. he got a final strike, as he had called out a lot in the past month. he still works there, but there didn't seem to be much... urgency about the problem. previous to this, he joked about quitting and said "c'mooooon you can support us both! if we move out to a place with lower rent it'll be easier!" he's in a current spiral of depression right now and i'm trying to be sympathetic. and i know he's been having issues with his medication.

when he got the second job, we agreed that i'd take over the cooking and cleaning and animal care since he'd be gone all day. he blew up at me a few weeks ago because i didn't wash the right pants and didn't speak to me for almost 2 days. he said we needed to talk and that i wasn't doing enough around the house, which wasn't fair since he was working 2 jobs. and i agreed, i promised i'd do better. i did start doing better; i'd come home from work and clean and cook and make sure things were in good shape. but after he quit, he... stopped helping me altogether. i can't drive and at first he promised to take me and pick me up from work so i can save on lyft. he hasn't done that in months. we've also borrowed an insane amount of money from my parents.

he asks me to get him things when i'm all the way across the room, and leaves trash on my desk when i'm not using it. while he games, he just hands me trash to throw away. he says i'm too loud and can't control the volume of my voice, but he's on twitch every night with his friends hooting and hollering. if i'm doing something, he makes me drop everything to do what he wants to do. i can pick movies, but i can't get him into any TV shows i want to watch together because he gives up about an episode in. yet i've sat through all of his favorite shows.

yesterday i had a massive mental breakdown after therapy. i haven't been happy in years and i thought it might just be me; my medication changing, my weight gain, just anything. but i started thinking about where my life is. i live in an apartment i can't afford taking care of animals i can't afford and cleaning up after my partner. i haven't gone to the doctor in two years but i pay his medical bills, for his insurance, and for his psych visits/meds. my glasses are hanging on by a hair but he just got new contacts. do you see what i'm saying?

i know a lot of this is on me. i cannot set boundaries, i cannot say no, and i'm weak-willed. i have my addictions as well, and i rushed into this way too fast. i decided last minute to come stay with my dad, and i haven't told my partner how i feel yet. i'm terrified to go home. when he gets mad, he lashes out and then doesn't speak to me for days. i don't think he'll be violent, but i'm scared.

my question is; am i wrong for wanting to leave? am i going about this the wrong way? i don't want to hurt him or kick him out on the street, but i don't think i can do this much longer.

Advice needed: Need advice on lies in a marriage.

TLDR: He’s making it seem like it’s all no big deal and I’m the crazy person. Are these omissions acceptable to others? Edit to say he’s making this all about the fact that I violated his boundaries by reading his text messages and looking at this phone.

Summary:
I’d like to preface this whole conversation with the fact that my husband is a great guy and is always trying to help people. When we are good, which is a good chunk of the time we are great. We’ve been together 15 years, married for 10 next week. He’s 39 and I’m 37, I was further along in school and career in our younger years because he took some time to figure himself out, party, do the enjoy life thing. But now, we are decently similar career wise. I maybe make 2x what he does, but everything has always gone into one account and there’s no issues with that or anything. I travel a couple times a month for my job and work out consistently, he travels occasionally but we are both in a demanding field and work a lot. My husband has had adhd his whole life, depression, and his dad had bipolar/other things and while my husband has never been diagnosed, I can see some episodes of mania. We have a beautiful young daughter who is likely on the spectrum so she has been a bit challenging.

So recently, he’s been having a lot of verbal outbursts, getting angry at everything. Again, work is stressful and he is older than some folks at his level because he was a little delayed in starting his career and I think it kills his ego with our wage gap even though he’s never come out and said it. I’ve become a bit untrusting towards him and started snooping. Between the snooping and him telling me things, I’ve found out that he has had guns in the home for 7 years without telling me, he has been on adderall and downloads apps and deletes them so I don’t find out when he’s getting his prescription and most recently, he’s decided to co-sign for our nieces student loans without telling me. Other weird things I’ve found out he’s been lying about. He has pushed his father not living with us as my fault - his father requires round the clock nurse and medical care and is no longer mobile. He struggles to even help me with our daughter before work and I do most of the back and forth to school and bedtime etc because he struggles with multitasking. He also gets upset that I work out in the AM because he dosent want to have to wake up and be alert for our child, telling me I should just work out at home. With him, things seem to be a moving goalpost and things are always my fault. Our daughters issues etc are my fault for not doing enough.

When I confronted him on the loans and not consulting me(seems everyone in his family knew, and he didn’t bother to disclose to me though everything in our finances is combined), I said that it’s kool if he wants to do that but I should have the agency to financially separate accounts etc and hedge my risks, he flipped out as he has been, threw a drink at me and lots of mean words. He apologizes the next day for the yelling and admits the adderall use etc. says he’s going to change but when I don’t immediately give in he continues to flip out and of course shows that he never intended to do the work on fixing himself that he claimed he would.

For the record - I would have been more than happy to help our neice but in the right way - ie, have her take the loans out and then we help her pay when she graduates. The issue isn’t the money, it’s the lack of bringing your partner into the discussion. Even if we didnt agree and he ultimately chose to do it, I’d feel better knowing he told me. He thinks that we have different “value systems” and I’m selfish even though I’ve been an active financial and time participant in all our neices and nephews lives. I do think he tries to play the hero complex thing esp when things aren’t going well in other aspects of his life.

I don’t want to make this seem one sided. I am 100% an intense person, im a stubborn only child, and can be rigid at times and so in no way am i saying this is all a him thing. I am probably not as outwardly generous as he is willing to just sign on things without thinking through the implications and I also am probably a lot more direct and headstrong than him so again I know this is not all on him.

But, im just not sure that anything going on is okay and need some help on how others would see this situation because many of my friends aren’t married.

Am I wrong [29F] here?

I was helping my boyfriend by meeting back to house to ensure his car doesnt overheat and cut off. It was on the side of the road yesterday so we were picking it up.. While driving home, a van bumped my car from behind twice at a stoplight. My 1 year old was in the car FYI..I immediately called my boyfriend, and he and his friend started ( on a 3 way call) saying the van might follow me home, which made me panic. I got really anxious and started driving toward a friend's house because they told me to.

Then I realized the van was actually my boyfriend the whole time. He swapped the car for the van bc the car broke down again. It was all a prank. I told him it wasn't funny—it scared me, and I genuinely felt like I was being stalked. Instead of apologizing, he said I "don't know how to take a joke" and said im acting like a b****. He even said his friend thought it was funny too.

I calmly explained that it made me feel unsafe and uncomfortable. I wasn't yelling or insulting him. Now he's packed a bag and plans to stay somewhere else because I said the prank wasn't funny. Also, before this he was upset with me regarding something else so wealready weren't speaking before this.

Am I really overreacting, or was this prank out of line? His friend said I'll get over it and it was nothing

I (F26) need to vent about a bizarre situation I’ve been dealing with recently, and I’m curious to see how outsiders read this dynamic.

I’ve been seeing a guy in his 30s who I first crossed paths with at a local sports watch party. He approached me to ask about the match, and at first, it just felt like a casual, passing conversation with a stranger. We ended up staying through another match together, realized we shared a lot of similarities, and he even played a demo of his music to get my opinion. The vibe shifted, he started initiating physical contact, and the chemistry was undeniably there. For context, I’m moving abroad in about a month, so my intentions from the very beginning were completely fixed: I did not want anything serious. Since I'm currently in my funemployment era, I had the time to see him a few times this past week, though we don't actually text much outside of setting up plans.

The second time we met up, we opened up more, and the chemistry felt completely natural. But during that meetup, he also started dropping these cryptic hints about his personal life. He casually made a comment saying that he "was in" a long-distance relationship, following it up by explaining that he is a deeply romantic, physical guy who absolutely cannot handle being in an LDR. Because he framed it in the past tense, it was incredibly ambiguous and felt like a riddle, and he quickly changed the subject before clarifying anything. Throughout all of this, he was laying it on thick, romanticizing our connection as some sort of profound awakening in his life, and telling me how unforgettable our interaction was. He kept repeating that he "doesn't know why he's doing this" or why he ended up here, constantly framing us as just "two lonely people having fun."

During that exact conversation, I was honest with him too. I told him that I don’t usually do things like this. Getting involved with a complete stranger like this is very out of the ordinary for me. I explained that I usually tend to attach very quickly, which is why I was making a conscious effort to keep everything strictly casual. He completely agreed with me on that, along with many other aspects of this supposed deep "connection." Eventually, we hooked up, and afterward, we started opening up about our life problems. That's when he finally confirmed the truth: he is actively, currently the one in a LDR. He emphasized how much he hates the distance, making it sound like a miserable situation.

What he doesn't know is that I’ve done some digging. He never actually gave me his artist name, but I knew his real name, which was enough to track down his social accounts. Through that, I found his SO, and a lot of things clicked into place once I saw her profile. When I initially found his socials and saw his SO, I thought they had broken up or something because of how he was acting. That's why I had agreed to have a so-called fling with him in the first place, given that I'll be out of the country in a month.

My intuition immediately went into overdrive. When I straight-up asked him, "Are you single?" he met me with an ambiguous "it's complicated" answer. Based on that and my own internet research, I knew exactly what was up. I directly followed it up by asking him if I was intervening with anything going on in his life, and once again, no answer.

After sitting on that information, I messaged him directly today and told him straight up that our connection doesn't change the fact that this dynamic sounds a lot like cheating to me. I explicitly told him that if he were single, I would have absolutely no problems having fun with him. I’m completely down for a casual summer fling, but I draw a hard line at being dragged into someone else's relationship drama.

He immediately went into de-escalation mode and tried to lower the tension, claiming he thought he had laid it all out clearly during one of our first conversations. He told me that we both just stumbled into a messy gray area together. I fired back a text reminding him that he only mentioned hating long-distance relationships, not that he was actively in one.

Honestly, right now I feel more entertained by the absolute absurdity of it all rather than miserable, especially since I already know the truth. Everything only started a week ago so I haven’t been exactly attached to this guy yet. 

Am I the asshole for finding this entire situation funny instead of being upset?

A few days ago i ended my relationship with my partner of 9 months. We were getting into the stage of thinking about doing more intimate things, and we ended up doing so. Our relationship has been on the rocks for about 2 months and we would constantly argue. Two days ago I found out that my now ex told one of my old friends who i no longer speak to due to being perverted about the intimate details of what we did, as well as sharing my name. As expected the old friend told many of my close friends and old friends and im completely shocked and hurt that my partner would do such a thing. Now they continue to beg me for a second chance saying it isnt as bad as i make it out to be. Am i in the wrong?

**TL;DR:** My male colleague was seeing multiple women while telling each of them he was single. When he started dating a younger colleague, I warned her about his lies because I felt she deserved to know. She confronted him, and now I’m being told I shouldn’t have gotten involved.

I (33F) work with a man (36M) who became a close friend a few months ago. We eventually started a friends-with-benefits arrangement because I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship at the time.
Over time, though, it became much more than that. We spent most of our free time together. He called me constantly, wanted me around all the time, and discouraged me from spending time with my own friends. He also repeatedly told me not to date anyone else because “you have me.”
The problem was that he didn’t hold himself to the same standard. Throughout our arrangement, he continued talking to and sleeping with other women. Initially I accepted it because we weren’t officially together, but eventually it started to bother me. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him sleeping with other women anymore. He promised he’d stop the sex with others, he continued seeing other women in other ways and talked to them romantically.

A few weeks ago, a junior colleague (27F) joined our department for a temporary placement. She asked me if I was dating him because everyone assumes we’re together due to how much time we spent together. I told her we weren’t.
Soon after, she started talking to him. He showed me her messages and joked that she was interested in him. I could also see that he was encouraging the flirting. I told him that if he genuinely wanted to date her, that was his choice, but if he was just adding another woman to the list of people he was stringing along, I wasn’t comfortable watching it happen. He told me I was more important and that he’d back off, but he didn’t.

Now just yo mention, I’ve tried ending things with him multiple times, but he always managed to pull me back in. All I wanted was an FWB for my sexual needs but it became very weird. After all this with that colleague I finally cut things off for good a week ago, although we still communicate professionally because we work together. I was done with our weird thing. He tried to get me back again but this time I remained cold.
I shared all this with female friend of mine and she said you should warn that girl about him.
Yesterday I asked her privately whether they were seeing each other. She said yes.
I told her, woman to woman, that he had been dating and sleeping with multiple women at the same time and had repeatedly lied to them. I also told her she should make her own decision, but I felt she deserved to know because she’d been considerate enough to ask me before pursuing him.
She was shocked. She told me he’d said he was completely single, hadn’t been involved with any British women since moving here, didn’t talk to other women, and had even offered to let her look through his phone. I knew several of those statements weren’t true because he’d openly shown me messages from other women and had hooked up with some of them while we were involved.
I asked her not to mention that I’d told her any of this, but she apparently confronted him anyway. Later that evening I saw them together in his car.
I spoke to another mutual friend, who thinks I was completely wrong for getting involved and should have stayed out of it. He doesn’t know that the man and I were sleeping together, but he knows we’ve always been unusually close.
Did I cross a line by telling her the truth? I genuinely wanted to save her from his list of women.

Hi guys, I’m 24f, and have been with my bf (24m) for a year.

We were having a conversation today over phone about how he’s about to publish the website for his personal training business. He had also told me that his mom heard about this and sent him a message saying she was proud of him, apologized to him, and offered to take him to buy new clothes and running shoes. Him and her don’t have a good relationship, he had cut her off once for something that had happened, then they reconnected after a year and were fine for another year until she did something again that made him not want to be in her life anymore. He recently went low contact (not full NC yet) with her again. He told me he felt like her message was pure manipulation to guilt trip him.

I agreed and said it sounded really manipulative. For extra context, I am autistic and have ADHD as well as anxiety, and sometimes I have good intentions but will accidentally say something really blunt or inconsiderate without realizing it was harmful until afterwards. Sometimes I will overthink little things, like how I should respond in serious moments, and I end up making it worse. That’s exactly what I did here. I was thinking to myself, what is he gonna do? Is he gonna maintain contact with her (even just for the business connections because she also owns her own business)? Is he gonna respond to her? Is he gonna take up her offer? It was from a sense of pure curiosity and honestly wanting to not say the “wrong” thing. But I instead came off very insulting and asked “are you going to take advantage of that?” In regard to her taking him shopping. I am NOT a materialistic person, and for me to hyperfixate on that instead of his feelings was extremely wrong of me.

He got upset at me, and of course he’s allowed to be upset at me, I was very rude and inconsiderate. But then he accused me of being selfish because my mind immediately went to asking him if he would use his own mom for free stuff. He also said I was projecting and showing my true character more and more and now he is having second thoughts about us and has a terrible impression of me.

I texted him afterwards apologizing. I specifically said:

“I’m sorry, that does come off as really fucked up

That’s not something I would do and I know it’s not something you would do either, the connection in my mind is extremely selfish

For me to list that out loud is extremely concerning and I am sorry for leaving a terrible impression“

He was very short in his response. I followed it up by saying that I’m sorry, and i didn’t mean to alarm or upset, but that doesn’t change the impact of my action. I need to be more cautious and considerate going forward. He just told me he learns more and more about my character every week. I tried more and more to explain my intentions and the thoughts I had in the moment, and again, I know it doesn’t change how wrong I was, but I did not mean it with any ill intent.

He told me to stop explaining myself and now he’s scared of me. He said I do this often and always claim it’s just a slip up in my communication, and I need to realize how selfish my tendencies have always been. Wrote “I’m getting genuinely worried of who you are as a person”.

He listed two past examples of me being selfish. One of them genuinely was, it was months ago when we had sex and when I thought someone was about to walk in on us, out of instinct I covered myself with the blanket while he was still exposed. Yeah, that is very, very selfish. That happened in January and I have apologized countless times for it, and in his shoes I’d feel distrustful too after that.

The other example he used was when his family got covid and we had been exposed as well. I immediately freaked out, because between the time of being exposed to covid and being notified of it, I had visited my sick grandfather and was terrified he’d catch it and pass away. I didn’t realize until after he was upset at me that his grandmother also had cancer and was at risk of catching covid too because she was exposed. Because I had immediately thought of my own family instead of asking about his family first (which I should have done), that was really telling to him about my selfishness.

I apologized again and again and said I understood why he was scared of me, and I am showing through these tendencies I can be very inconsiderate. I did feel invalidaded when he specifically told me it’s not an issue of my communication and I just inherently think selfishly. There are times I have, and there are times I feel I have been very selfless. I can’t tell him he’s wrong for feeling the way he does, but it makes me feel like nothing else I do matters when he’s already set on determining my entire character. I explained my intentions again in a paragraph.

He responded to it saying I’m denying and lying about my intentions, and he’s scared of people like me. Said he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me anymore.

I kept trying to explain that I see where he’s coming from, though wasn’t lying. Yes I did explain and I see how that comes off as defensive, but I was also really putting in an emphasis to apologize and validate his feelings first and foremost.

Then he sent me:

“why won’t you just be honest with yourself.
You know you yourself don’t even have time to process quick. Please just stop. Your head in the heat of that did not have time to think of all those other things, based on the history of your processing, you simply didn’t reply,
Until hearing something that stuck out to make you reply, and that was towards of her offer of clothes/shoes, which makes you immediately say “take advantage”. You take 10 minutes to think out texts. You take 14 minutes to form an entire different perspective that doesn’t exist. You’re gonna sit there and tell me that in 30 seconds, you processed all of the outcomes, and then “just happened to say the worst thing in the worst way”. No. It’s just you, and how your head worked based on the words it heard, in that moment.

You can be in denial,

I’m not.

And I’m doing all this work and everything for someone who continues to prove they just aren’t a good person. This denial and explanation instead of acceptance of who you are and growth is why we won’t ever work, until you accept yourself and change. Growth is impossible through denial. I’m done denying who you are and that’s why I’m done seeing you, regardless of last night”

At this point he kept claiming I’m lying and I just gave in and agreed with him because I was tired and wanted to make things okay again. After doing that, he told me to be more grateful that he was speaking to me so patiently and maturely. Then he said he feels very distrustful of me now because I lied.

Then he randomly asked me if conventionally attractive people are often times more single because their partners start to feel insecure and make them feel more alone. I don’t really get how his physique (on top of being a trainer he is a pro athlete) and constantly doing better in his life has anything to do with our issues, so I was honest that yeah maybe it’s like that for some people, but for our relationship I don’t feel insecure of how you’re doing, i only ever feel proud and I want to be better as well so we can grow together. I wrote a few paragraphs reflecting on my feelings of the matter, things that maybe did used to be insecurities but aren’t anymore, and I reassured him that it isn’t the case. In those paragraphs, i gave him compliments and specifically wrote how I’m in the wrong and honestly put myself down a bit just so show that I’m sorry for everything today.

He said I was extremely defensive and snappy, how I’m taking everything he says as accusatory, and how I am prioritizing explaining my own reasons instead of validating his feelings. I was genuinely so confused because I thought I was answering a question and I didn’t feel snappy at all, so I wrote this but did apologize multiple times afterwards. He literally cannot communicate with me despite not finding a single flaw in his own communication, how I make it so impossible, I take everything he says personally, he wants to be alone tonight, and to fuck off. Even brought up an example of how he called me earlier to talk about it, and asked what the wind was (I guess he heard wind from my end of the phone? I was confused because I was sitting in a silent bedroom so I said “what? I’m not outside right now”), I even took that as an accusation and attacked him. I was bewildered because I was genuinely confused, not upset, but I thought maybe my tone had come off wrong or something.

The very last text he sent is that he’s sad every night because of me and I’m making him cry

You can say this is a small thing to have an argument over but things like this happen more and more often and I feel so confused. I’m not asking this for validation, if I am in the wrong snd overreacting or the buttface, PLEASE let me know because I am going crazy

Hi guys so basically this sounds insane and I cant believe that this is real but I am kind of dating this (famousish) influencer.

Before we met I knew of this person and had seen their tiktoks before and thought they were funny/cute but never imagined that I would start dating them cuz like he has such a huge following

I am posting this on a burner account and keeping their name private because they honestly might find it but if you guess in the comments i will confirm because i want you to believe the integrity of this story cuz it sounds crazy but its true.

Basically how we started talking was they reached out to me first because we kind of have a similar circle/friends who know each other but more like friend of a friend of a friend and honestly just fate/red string theory cuz honestly idek how we got in touch lol its honestly just crazy and unbelievable

I honestly would have thought he was catfishing me if i hadnt met him in person lol

He fits the profile of my type (u can see on my page) and is known for like food reviews which is kind of how we met but thats like a long story

im also not trying to brag lol but its honestly still kind of unbelivable for me. On his page he is very nice and funny which is like his online persona but its truly what he is in real life too which is just crazy to me. hes just so down to earth.

but basically the problem is that he doesnt rlly want to make us public which is fine but ik he probably has a strong following of women and just in general like i feel like if we're getting serious he should be posting me but i rlly want us to be out there but i feel like when i mention it he thinks i want him for clout which truly is not true

whenever i bring it up he gets annoyed and like we obviously talk abt his content and stuff but whenever im like "oh what a cute couples trend we should do it" he gets kinda uncomfrotable and is like "maybe haha.." which is code for no. when i kind of started pushing for it more he was telling me abt how its for my safety and wellbeing and that i should understand that his fans might start getting into our personal lives and might be critical of the relationship, but that statement honestly made me mad cuz is he implying that his fans would think im not good enough for him or smth?

basically am i in the wrong or is he right and i should just stop pressuring him to make us public and should want the relattionship to be private, cuz i do understand that he wants to keep his life private but i also do want to make it more official.

Edit: since this has come up a lot in the comments so far, we are in an official relationship just to make it clear and have gone on more then a few dates, we have been OFFICIALLY dating for 3 months and was talking for a month before that, which is still a short time but some people think we have only gone on a few dates which isnt true

Edit 2: after seeing the overwhelming responses confirming that I am indeed the asshole ive decided to send an apology to him and obviously stop persisting and truly understand his wishes to keep the relationship private, as I should have wanted and valued that from the beginning and not kept pushing his boundaries and understood his logical reasoning. luckily he is being very understanding too and things are going well between us! some of the comments were pretty harsh but thanks for helping me see i was in the wrong as i think it has helped our relationship and my view of it, and i was being really immature and definitely the asshole.

I (27M) was recently in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend (22F). To everyone around us, we were the perfect, genuine couple. For context, I come from a very dysfunctional background—my father chronically cheated on my mother, and I’ve been cheated on in past relationships. I spent 4 years in therapy working through this because I want to build a healthy, peaceful family where my future kids don't have to witness violent fights. I thought I found that with her. She even told me I was the only good man she’d ever dated.

​The issue started in our mutual friend group chat. A guy in the group textually told my girlfriend, right in front of me: "Come over and screw me."

​I lost my temper and confronted him in the chat. He replied with pure arrogance, saying he didn't care about what I had to say. I immediately texted my girlfriend privately, telling her she needed to cut contact with this disrespectul idiot. Instead, she laughed it off and continued talking to him in the chat as if nothing happened.

​When I asked her how she could accept such a blatant boundary violation, she told me to calm down, called it a "joke," and said I was overreacting. I told her that if this is her standard for respect, I am breaking up with her.

​She then spammed me on every platform and eventually sent an email apologizing, claiming she was just stressed out from a recent hospital stay and wanted to laugh. I asked her, "Do you honestly find another man telling you to screw him funny?" She said she no longer saw it that way, but the trust was entirely broken. I officially cut ties with both her and that guy.

​Later, a mutual female friend tried to ambush me by bringing my ex to a cafe to "talk." My ex sat there in silence. I simply paid for my coffee, got up, and walked out.

​A few days later, the guy who made the comment showed up at my house. He begged me to listen, apologized for causing drama, and said he cut ties with my ex to show good faith. But then he started psychoanalyzing me, saying that because of my past trauma and being cheated on, I am just terrified of abandonment and projecting my "issues" onto her, ruining a great relationship over "nothing." I coldly told him he had 5 minutes to leave my property or I’d call the police. He left.

​Now, that same female friend who initially supported my decision texted me on WhatsApp, flipping the script. She is now claiming I’m a "mental patient" who is throwing his childhood trauma onto other people just because I chose my peace of mind. My ex is also posting passive-aggressive breakup songs on social media.

​They are actively turning the narrative into me being a broken, traumatized guy who ruined a perfect relationship over a joke.

​AITA for choosing my peace of mind and enforcing my boundaries?

Me (49F) and my friend, Sarah (49f) have been friends since high school. Sarah asked me to go to MT with her on a vacation. I knew she wanted to see a “friend” (shes married) but he backed out. But we decided to go anyway. She booked air B&B and flights. I promptly paid my half when she told me the total. We get to MT. I guess she put the rental under my name and I paid $500 for the vehicle. She said nothing bout paying me back or anything. So I had her drive and pay for gas 🤷🏻‍♀️ We go to dispensary cuz it’s legal there and I enjoy to partake. Get to our room, walk around town to find a place for supper. We eat , I paud for supper cuz I was excited, and get back to our room. I break out my goods and sit outside to enjoy the weather and sunset. The next day we went to see old faithful. I’ve always wanted to see it. But it was rushed she rushed through everything. I like to go with the flow. I was annoyed but went along. She asked what I wanted to get for supper and I said there’s a cute lil place on the corner we walked by. She just disregarded anything I said and just decided where to go. All week it was her dictating what we were doing. When we got back from our “outings” I’d sit outside and relax watching the clouds. The mountains are beautiful. I FaceTimed every night with my son and a cpl other friends. Her family never called her once. She FaceTimed with (what I thought) was a mutual friend. She was obsessed with posting on social media so this “friend” could see we were in MT anyway. (Who cares?) she had to go everywhere her boss wanted her to go and take pics to send to her. Huh? Fast forward to present. Word got back to me that she’s been telling ppl that she pretty much paid for everything and I just sat outside and got “weeded up”. Every evening she wanted to just walk around town to see if she can get cat called like 15yr olds. She made a big deal that I wouldn’t walk across the street to the gas station. Says I put her in danger. Seriously grow up. It was a very quaint town. Not even traffic after 10pm. It was fine. We’re grown ass women. I’m just annoyed and haven’t talked to her since. So am I the asshole for wanting to relax and smoke in the evening on my vacation?

Hi there, I didn't think I would need to post on Reddit until this incident. I've listened to a lot of stories but didn't think I would need other people's opinions about my life. I know it's bad to go through your partners phone but he (36M) has been so secretive lately. I (27F) finally figured out his passcode and saw that my husband (we are not legally married it's just easier to call him this since we've been together for 7 years and have a son together) has been messaging and hanging out with an old coworker of our which has been a point of contingency between us. He sent this coworker explicit pictures. I am not someone who is good with handling conflict or tough conversations it just turns into a screaming match and him gaslighting me that I'm the problem and everything is my fault. Reddit please help I'm spiraling and don't know what to do. WIBTAH for wanting to leave my husband after going through his phone?

I (41F) have been with my partner (43M) for seven years. We own a house together and have a blended family with four kids.

Our relationship has been difficult for a while. There are a lot of things that frustrate me, but I rarely bring them up because I don't feel heard. When I do try to express concerns, I often feel dismissed or even ridiculed. I also struggle with anxiety, which can be severe and is a huge challenge for my partner (I faint). A couple of weeks ago, I told my partner that I felt like our relationship was at a crossroads.

Recently, two incidents have become the focus of every argument.

The first happened while I was asleep. My partner accidentally shined a light directly into my eyes, waking me up. Apparently I immediately yelled, "OMG, [partner's name]!" He apologized at the time, but I have a very light sleep and ended up lying awake with insomnia. I even had a panic attack because I had this feeling that somehow the situation would end up becoming my fault. Sure enough, the next day he was upset with me for yelling at him when I woke up.

The second incident happened before we were leaving for a concert. I spent about an hour getting the kids ready for bed. It was my partner's turn to clean the kitchen before we left. When I came back, only about half of it had been cleaned. I was frustrated because we were running late and my dad was there to take care of the kids. My partner said I should have specifically told him which parts of the kitchen still needed cleaning and accused me of micromanaging him.

I admit my tone wasn't great, and I apologized for that. But he still insists my entire reaction was completely over the top.

This morning I tried to have a serious conversation with him. I told him that I've been under a lot of emotional distress, and that I feel trapped because every time I try to talk about issues in our relationship, I don't feel heard and nothing changes.

His response was that he "can't handle my distress anymore." He then brought up those same two incidents again, told me I have anger issues, suggested we install cameras in the house so I could see how I supposedly talk to him, and said that I'm the only problem in the relationship.

At this point, I'm honestly thinking about moving out. I've been considering leaving for a while, but what really gets me is that every attempt to discuss deeper relationship issues somehow comes back to these relatively small moments and ends with me being told that I'm the sole problem.

There are kids involved, which makes the decision much harder.

AITA for wanting to end the relationship over this?

I (25F) and my husband (27M) have been married for just over a year now, we have been together just over 5 years.

I have never been someone who had the overwhelming desire to be a mother, being maternal never came naturally to me. When me and my husband first met in 2021 kids were definitely in the conversation as we got me serious. My husband said he wants one child at some point in his life and I agreed.

We have a very good relationship and we really are best friends, bought a house together in 2022, engaged in 2023.

In late 2023, I decided to come of the contraceptive pill due to it effecting my mental and physical health. We had a discussion around other contraception and we got into the topic of kids, long story short a few months after coming off the contraception we decided to try for a baby.

We both had prior medical conditions which meant making a baby has not guaranteed to be straight forward. But just 2 months after trying I fell pregnant (Feb 2024). We was both and mix of excited and scared, we had a first private scan at 7 weeks and all was well but unfortunately at our 12 weeks scan we found out our baby has stopped developing and around 10 weeks and there was no longer a heart beat.

This was an incredibly tough time for us both, my body had not realised the baby had passed so was not processing the miscarriage. I had to go into hospital for 2 days to have the miscarriage done medically. This was also not a great experience and I ended up unconscious for almost an hour. This was terrifying for my husband, who was sat by my side the whole time.

A few months after this, we decided we were not going to think about kids or trying for a baby for a few years. This did have some effect on our sex like as I did not go back onto contraception after the miscarriage due to the issues I experienced before.

There was still things we wanted to do in life and we wanted to focus on ourselves for a bit instead. We had a good few years not thinking about kids, as I turned 25 and saw a lot of people around me having babies or planning to start families the more I felt like it was not for me. I have some immediate family with small children and I never feel the want or need to have children of my own whenever I am around them. I don’t really know how to communicate with children I just end up talking to them like an adult. Doing baby voices and playing pretend just does not come naturally to me and the more time I spend around kids and babies the more uncomfortable I feel.

I just feel like have no strong feelings towards have children in my life ever and I have not felt maternal, I knew a child had always been a part of my husbands life plans. We got married mid 2025 and we did really talk about having children since the miscarriage but the feelings I was having around not having children started not long after our honeymoon.

It is also important to note that not long after the miscarriage I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life and I knew this would highly impact a pregnancy at any point in the future making it very difficult for me and my health though a pregnancy. This was a large factor in my decision.

Over the past year now, I have been processing these thought and feeling with myself to come to the decision that having children is not for me. It has taken a long time to come to this for myself and I did not want to mention it to my husband until I was certain.

Well, last night the conversation came us as my husband could tell I had been acting strange the past week or so as I know I wanted to have this conversation but didn’t know how to bring it up. And in situations like this I generally just shut down. I am someone who has suffered with my mental health and extreme anxiety pretty much my whole life and sometimes I am difficult to communicate with because of this.

The subject of me not wanting children has come up a couple of times in passing conversations over the past few weeks. I said that I don’t think he took what I was saying then seriously but it’s true and that I have come to the decision that I don’t want to have children. I ran through my reasoning with me and it was very calm, caring and understanding. I told him at this point my main concern was him. I did not want to waste him life with me if not having children would make him unhappy. I love him so much and I can’t hold him back if that’s something he wants in life. He said he needs some time to think about it for himself, which is totally fair.

I’m so scared of losing him but equally scared of holding him back and making him life and future unhappy. His happiness is my main priority and if that is not with me because we will not be having children I might have to let him go.

AITA for telling my husband I don’t want children after we got married?

Hello everyone, my name is Ethan, and my boyfriend’s name is Noah.

For context, Noah and I have been together for about five months. During that time our relationship has been really good overall, but one of our biggest issues has always been communication. This situation is one of those times where better communication could have made all the difference.

A few days ago, Noah told me he needed some space. I respected that completely and gave him the time he asked for because I love him and wanted to support him.
Today I spent the day with some friends. At one point we were fishing when my friend Ryan noticed a golf cart full of girls driving by. Since he was the only single one in our group of four, I jokingly yelled, “Hey, my buddy thinks y’all are cute!”.

I honestly didn’t expect them to come back, but they did. My friends immediately looked at me like I had to explain myself. The problem is that I’m extremely shy around people I don’t know. I’m even nervous around my own boyfriend sometimes. I completely froze and couldn’t even get the words out to say, “Sorry, it was just a joke.” We ended up ignoring the situation until they eventually drove away.
We kept fishing and later went home. Throughout the day I was texting Noah to check in on him and see how he was doing.

After we got home, my friend Tyler left to go play basketball, leaving just Ryan and me. We decided to mess around on Omegle for fun since we’d never see any of those people again.
During a break, I came across an Instagram Reel of a guy walking up to random cars while acting overly dramatic and seductive with music playing. Ryan thought it looked funny and suggested we recreate it. I agreed without really thinking much about it.

I clicked on the audio from the Reel, not realizing it had flirtatious undertones, and copied what the guy in the video did. Ryan recorded me, and after watching it back, we both thought it was funny, so I posted it.
Noah didn’t think it was funny at all. He blocked me almost immediately.
Earlier, I had already explained the golf cart situation to him, and he told me he trusted me, so I never imagined this video would become such a huge issue.

I started calling and texting him repeatedly because I desperately wanted to explain myself. When he finally answered a couple of times, he refused to really talk or let me explain what had happened. I understood why he was hurt because I know what I did looked bad, but I just wanted the chance to explain my side.
While I was stepping away from my friends to focus on our relationship, he spent most of the time talking with his own friends instead of me.
Before hanging up, he told me he’d call me back. He never did.

I deleted the post before many people saw it and apologized sincerely for hurting him. I admitted that I hadn’t thought things through and asked if we could communicate about everything because that’s something we’ve always struggled with.

Instead, he ignored many of my messages, acted like everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t, and made it obvious that he believed I was entirely at fault. He even called me insulting names, compared me to one of his exes, and said things like, “What if I did that with people who have flirted with me, but in real life?”

I told him he could do whatever he felt he needed to in order to feel better, although I honestly hoped he wouldn’t. I did point out that there was a difference between making a joke with strangers online that I’d never see again and intentionally flirting with people in real life.

At that point I felt scared, confused, and honestly hurt. I felt like I wasn’t receiving the same respect I always tried to give him. Whenever someone approaches me or flirts with me, I always tell him because I want him to trust me. Meanwhile, I later found out through one of his friends that people had been flirting with him, and I had never even known about it.

I admit that I’ve made mistakes before, but so has he. The difference is that I always try to communicate openly and reassure him, while he often shuts me out and doesn’t tell me much, which leaves me feeling ignored.

This is the story as accurately as I remember it. Right now, I’m still waiting for a call or even a text from him, hoping we can finally have an honest conversation.

UPDATE: It’s been 3 days since, I feel like he wants to break up but he doesn’t want to “hurt my feelings.” And he has put a time limit on our relationship saying if he didn’t feel drained after 1-3 weeks, we would stay together.
Other options he gave me included, staying friends for a long time, or never talking again forever.
He’s been reposting on his socials about trusting and being cheated on while still not talking to me, and last night he texted wanting to call but I was really busy. And when I was ready to call he was calling his friend (same one) and I’m pretty sure they went to sleep on the phone (we always did that).

. I am 19 years old and I was seeing this guy who was 26 and lived about 30 minutes from me and we would see each other all the time. I slowly started to notice that his affection in this talking stage was becoming forced

Mind you we would see each other ever week for a couple of days. He would be affectionate, polite to my mother, he was very old school. I absolutely adored him. The third month of this, he started to get distant, didn’t text me as much, and chose to spend time with his friends more and more. I didn’t mind it at first because that was his life and I wasn’t going to be that needy type of girl

Now, a few times he sent me videos because I asked how he was doing and he was js having fun with his friends but I noticed a specific girl always touching him. I noticed this a few times and finally asked him about it and he said “she’s just like that with everyone” Mind you he never wanted me to meet his friends when I was fine with him meeting mine which was odd. He also said she was flirty with everyone and completely defended her.

Over to the fourth month (ish) this behavior continued. Then I told him I missed him and he said “well I said that’s how it was going to be” and then I said “is that supposed to mean something” he responded with “do you want it to mean something?” I could sense the attitude through the text. Then I asked what was wrong and he said “well you know gas prices are high” and I said “I’m willing to pay for that” (I didn’t even have a job mind you but I had money) then he said “It’s to exhausting“

I responded with, “ You know maybe you should have figured that out before all of this. If it's to exhausting for you then im not going to continue with someone who is thinking like that when they are acting like my boyfriend. Thats just leading me on. I'm sorry tee. I'm ok with being friends on a respectful note but not like how we were before if that's where this is” All he said back was OKAY.

Am I the asshole for saying this