r/AITARelationship

He follows me around the yard barking orders at me while I am mowing

I can't hear because I have headphones in he is screaming freaking out trying to take the lawnmower off me. While I am mowing.the neighbors were watching it was embarrassing.

I ended up stopping because I almost hit him because he kept jumping in front of the mower refusing to move.

I waited for his Uber to take him to bingo and did the lawn and left.

I got a dozen angry voicemails demanding I redo it.

I have to do it again soon .i don't want to. If I don't do it it won't get done. he treated the landscaping co so bad they quit. He will get ticketed by the city . He had many tickets and I helped him fix it.

my boyfriend found out that i have had an abortion in the past. he’s very upset over it and saying it changes everything and that now he has to think about the fact that “another man has gotten his girlfriend pregnant”. that broke me. why is that the first thing coming to mind after i open up about something so deeply personal? he said this is something i should have told him already and that this changes how he feels about us having a kid one day. i’m absolutely devastated that he’s reacting in this way. i feel i’m being reduced to this thing that happened to me years ago, and that his reaction is reflecting some sense of ownership he feels over me. his reaction feels like he now sees me as impure or like im worth less because i have been pregnant before. it doesn’t even feel he is trying to be empathetic at all.

personally i dont understand why this is something that affects him or our relationship so deeply. it is in the past and has nothing to do with him and doesn’t change anything about me. there are people saying it is my fault for not telling him. is there some obligation i have to tell him this?

So what I am asking is like genuinely liking their music and admire them for their character and talent and not like in a fantasising way, is that cheating. Because my boyfriend says it's cheating to admire male artist for their talent. He means all in all supporting or admiring male artists is cheating and wrong? So I am confused about that?

I (24M) have been with my girlfriend (22F) for 9 months. For the first 6 months, we were completely monogamous. Then she started becoming distant and unhappy because she said monogamy wasn’t the kind of relationship she wanted long term. I, wanting her to be happy, decided that we should open the relationship so she could live the kind of life she wanted, and I could also try to adapt and keep the relationship alive. Honestly, it never felt like a fully free choice; it felt like I was adjusting myself to avoid losing her.

Because this was so hard for me, we set very clear boundaries. One of my main non-negotiables was that I didn’t want to know the people she slept with, and I didn’t want them integrated into our daily lives. I told her I couldn’t emotionally handle being constantly exposed to that dynamic. She agreed and promised she would do everything possible not to hurt me. She even said I could veto people or situations if I felt unsafe.

Two months ago, we met a 41-year-old man who works downstairs from our apartment. We became friends quickly, and before long he became a constant presence in our home and routine. For context: in the last 10 days, I spent 8 of them with her, and he was with her every single day during that same period. Not a single night since we had sex with him passed without him being involved or influencing the dynamic in some way. Even when things were supposed to be about me and her, he always ended up being part of it.

I don’t have resentment toward him. If anything, I actually feel a bit of sadness because I genuinely enjoy his friendship and I wouldn’t want to lose that connection.

Three days ago, the three of us had a threesome. Everything was consensual and felt okay in the moment. But emotionally, I was already very vulnerable—it was also my first sexual experience involving another man.

What destroyed me wasn’t the sex. It was everything that came after.

After we finished, she turned away from me, laid on his chest, and fell asleep facing him. Not me. Him.

She knew how hard this situation was for me. Yet in that moment, I was left emotionally alone while she connected with him instead.

The next morning I tried to calmly explain how that made me feel. She told me I was being irrational, insecure, and jealous for no reason.

I asked for space from that dynamic, especially involving him, because I could feel it affecting my mental health and our relationship. I also realized that our alone time as a couple was becoming rare, while he was becoming part of almost every day we had together.

She exploded at me, accusing me of “always ruining everything” and “never being satisfied.”

The night after that, we had planned to spend time together, just the two of us. But before that could happen, she told me she didn’t want to leave the house and tried to cancel it. The reason she gave was that we needed to stay and help him because his marriage was falling apart, and his wife was abusive and not letting him go out or see friends.

That was a breaking point for me. I told her I wasn’t comfortable staying in that dynamic, and instead of it being respected, I felt pressured into accepting it.

That’s when I realized I was slowly losing any sense of emotional safety in my own relationship.

Now I feel like I’ve compromised massively, but my boundaries are still being crossed, and I’m the one being told I’m the problem for reacting to it.

I love her, but I genuinely feel like I’m losing my emotional stability in this relationship.

She doesn’t seem to see any of this as an issue. To her, everything that has happened is completely normal, and she believes she hasn’t failed me, especially on the emotional side regarding the other person. When I try to talk about it, she often gets frustrated that I keep bringing it up, saying I “only talk about this,” but she doesn’t actually engage in resolving it, and she still hasn’t apologized.

At this point, I genuinely feel like the person I’m living with does not love me, and does not respect me at all.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel completely lost, I’ve started doubting myself, and I’ve been feeling so bad lately just for having these feelings in the first place.

I’ll give some background before getting into this week. I’m 22F and my boyfriend is 22M. We’ve been together a little over 2 years. We were both STEM majors, but he graduated with internship experience while I struggled to find opportunities. He now works as an AI engineer at a great company, and we live together in a nice condo with our 2 cats. Overall, I’m very happy with him.

Career-wise, I’ve struggled a lot. I was diagnosed with ADHD recently and have exam anxiety. I graduated with a math degree and strong GPA, but despite applying everywhere, I still haven’t been able to secure a stable job with only 1 actuarial exam and no industry experience.

Last year my boyfriend got his current job through his fraternity while I was still getting rejected from everything. I started considering switching career paths because I just wantEd something. When I brought that up, he was upset and said he “was looking forward to having a dual income sometime.” He apologized later, but that comment stuck with me because I already feel guilty about him financially supporting us. Even my family comment about it.

This past week I was studying aggressively for my exam, so I couldn’t contribute to chores as much, we ate out more, I was anxious constantly, taking prescribed Adderall daily, and staying up until 4am stressing.

I asked him if we could spend a couple hours together each night around 9 so I could decompress. The first night, shortly after we started hanging out, he asked if he could go play Xbox with his friend Brett for 30 minutes. I wasn’t mad about Xbox itself, but we set a time.

We talked about it and agreed on 2 hours together nightly. The very next night, at the 2-hour mark, he asked again if he could go play Xbox with Brett. That bugged me. I felt like a chore.

Later that week he got extremely stressed about our credit card balances even though I had reorganized the finances and the money was accounted for across different accounts. I ended up spending hours explaining everything to calm him down when I really didn’t have the time.

The next day he asked what I wanted for my birthday. I mentioned a Dyson, and he immediately got stressed because they’re expensive and he already thinks my female budget (250/month) is excessive even though we can afford it.

The night before my exam, I asked him to stay up with me until I fell asleep because I was panicking. He did, but I could tell he was exhausted and unhappy about it. We stayed up until 4am and my exam started at 8am.

Now the exam is over, but today he’s been moping around because he’s tired from staying up late all week and waiting in the parking lot during my 5.5-hour exam. I understand he’s tired, but it’s frustrating because I was the one taking the exam after studying 10 hours a day all week.

I genuinely can’t tell whether I’m being immature or whether my feelings are valid. I constantly feel like a financial burden and I’m just trying to get a job.

I have known someone who we’ll call Ruben for about a year. Before our friendship even reached a whole year, we had a falling out over me choosing to continue my friendships with people who have never been fond of Ruben, leading him to become angry with me and cut me off.

Ruben has been dating a girl who we’ll call Olivia for a few months now, and they have broken up a couple of times in between that time. Their relationship has become something so drama filled that most people in their lives tend to just step to the side and allow it to run its course.

However, a mutual friend of me and Ruben, who we’ll call John, recently told me that he caught Ruben kissing a girl. Not only was this girl not Olivia, she was one of her closest friends. After the pair were caught, they begged John to promise not to tell anyone and explained that they “were only doing this because they liked each other a lot“ even though Ruben still loved Olivia.

After John told me about this, we discussed whether or not we should tell Olivia, since she was really in love with Ruben and we felt really bad, but neither of us felt close enough to her for her to believe us.

So, instead I told a mutual friend of me and Olivia, who we’ll call Riley, explaining that they'd been caught kissing and that John had promised not to tell anyone. I told her because I knew she was close enough to Olivia to bring it up without me having to.

What I didn’t expect is that Riley actually ended up talking to Ruben about it instead. And he, of course, simply got defensive and angry saying that people needed to stop spreading rumors and he loved his girlfriend too much to do anything like that.

He then texted John about it, asking where Riley could’ve heard this. John then got upset at me for telling Riley, saying that I needed to speak to Ruben and fix it by lying and saying that I heard it from someone else.

AITAH?

TLDR; my cinephile gf and I had separate bookings for a movie (due to being long distance and prior commitments made) and I then invited a friend to come along with me. She was unhappy with this and is now questioning our relationship, diminishing my character and stating she may never go to the movies again. I don’t see it as the big deal that she does, and think she’s being unfair towards me.

I (27M) will start by prefacing that my gf (27F) and I are in a long distance relationship and have been for 8 years now; I’ve known her for 10 years and there is a 5 hour time zone difference between us. She is a big time movie lover and we would frequently watch movies together over FaceTime over discord etc. and this eventually developed to the stage that we would try and time irl theatre trips at the same time (for example, she would go to an 1:40pm showtime for her which would be a 6:40pm showtime for me) so that we could avail of the new releases as they came out, rather than wait for them to hit streaming.

However, the timing of these things can be tough and so we always try to compromise where necessary (day or two between me seeing it versus when she gets to see it) so that it stays fresh in our minds so we can discuss it, and so the other isn’t having to avoid spoilers too long. This most recent trip to the theatre was one such incident; due to prior commitments, I could only attend a Friday showing and she was sticking with our usual Sunday arrangement — we had talked it over previously and she was fine with this.

The problem struck when a friend of mine reached out to me and asked to hang out, as I haven’t seen him in quite a while, I was eager to do so. He asked if I could do Friday and I explained that I had already booked to go to the theatre, as was agreed between me and my gf. He got back to me a couple days later (Wednesday) and said that was okay and he’d be happy to tag along as the showing time suited him and he just wanted to spend time with me. On the Thursday (so day before the showing) I told my gf there’d been an update to my plans and I’d be going with my friend to the movie and having dinner with him beforehand — she was quiet at this, I asked if she was okay, she stated she was and the conversation moved along.

An hour and a half before the movie began, just before I met up with my friend at the restaurant, my gf texted me and stated that she was bothered by how easily I could rearrange my plans to bring my friend along to the movies with me (since I’d done a second booking to ensure he got the seat next to mine) but couldn’t rearrange with her to get a single day that suited us both. I expressed that I didn’t see the big deal in it as we’ve seen movies on different days prior (usually she would see them before I would in these instances) and she proceeded to question if I’d thought about her at any point of the process when I was adding my friend to the booking, and if I cared as much as she did about the matter and our relationship in general as she feels she compromises more often than I do.

Now, it’s reached a point in the arguing where she’s stating she is deeply hurt by my actions and feels backstabbed by the whole event to the point she’s struggling to say “I love you” and questioning our relationship as I didn’t just go on my own like we usually do (which was never a promise or rule that we had made with each other). She is planning to cancel her ticket to the Sunday showing, and is questioning whether she’s ever going to want to to go to the theatre again as the whole situation has left such a sour taste in her mouth. She has cited I’m being childish and selfish, and that I’m “shit talking her character” and am a “piece of shit” and I have responded by telling her she is being unfair by letting this one day define the person I’ve shown her to be over the last 10 years. So as the title states: am I the asshole in this situation?

My (F30) ended the relationship with my boyfriend(M46) of 10 years because he admitted to loving his therapist.

He had a very rough childhood with his single mom. As a result he has very significant identity level trauma, C-PTSD, disorganized attachment and a bunch of other issues.

He has managed to suppress these for years and outwardly he is very successful, six figure income, owns his own house, single father with full custody of his son.

But internally he is a mess, i never really knew until about 12 months ago, i always felt he was a bit distant and guarded, confused if he liked me. He always told me he loved me and treated me really well but i always felt there was a distance between us.

About a year ago he would just disappear into his home office and lock the door and stay in there for hours. he would do it several times a week and it got to be almost a daily occurrence.

We argued a lot about it, i thought he was watching porn or phoning another woman or something, but after i threatened to leave he told me he was having, what we now know, were emotional flashback/C-PTSD attacks and they were leaving him sobbing uncontrollably, he didn't know why, he wasn't able to suppress them no matter how hard he tried and he didn't want me to see him like that.

So i got it all out of him about his childhood and i forced him to go to therapy. I found him the therapist and made him the first appointment and told him he needed to go it we were to stay together.

Lately he has been a bit too happy to go to his weekly appointment and he has been dressing better to go to them and he always comes back in a good mood, which is surprising given he is supposed to be doing hard work there.

I confronted him about it and we got into a fight and I asked him point blank, do you love your therapist. He said he did. He tried to explain that it wasn't romantic or sexual. He said he just feels excited to see her and is happy when he is around her or when he thinks about going to see her. That it was like feeling like a kid again, when his favorite aunt used to come visit him occasionally.

I felt betrayed and I ended things. He called me an asshole because the only reason he was there was because I made him go. But i don't think i could forgive him.

Am I the asshole ?

My brother and I have been close(very) and it’s been our secret. We still are active and I’m married and older. I’ve never shared this with my hubby. Should I keep it this way? He always tells me how close we are.He loves him and plays golf, goes to Daytona , I don’t know but I think probably not.

I, (26 F) just accepted a new job in an entirely new field of work. I previously worked 8 years in retail and have recently transitioned to a full-time position to a veterinary clinic. It was a very refreshing change and I’ve enjoyed everything about it. My new coworkers have been welcoming, and I’m learning so much about not only the new field I’m working in, but also about myself. I feel like I’m finally getting a fresh start after a nearly 2 year slump of living in fear and a consistent ongoing legal battle with my ex that limited my working ability. He used to show up at my workplace so often that I had to transfer locations for some sense of peace.

However my STBX husband (25 M) and I are coming to a close in our divorce, and things have been amicable these past couple of months. He is in another relationship (with his affair partner (27 F), so the focus hasn’t been directed towards litigation and we solely communicate only about our children. But recently our eldest child (8) told his dad that I have a new job.

This sent my ex into a spiral, and now at every custody exchange or doctor’s appointment since finding out he asks me what I do for work now, where I work and even states that I’m being paranoid, because “it’s not like he’s going to stalk me”. I told him I’m not comfortable sharing that information and nowhere in our legal agreements do I have to inform him of this.

Part of me wants to reach out to my attorney to see what I can do about this, but another part of me is scared he will actually end up stalking me over this as he has done so in the past.

So AITAH or should I tell him?

​

My ex and I were together for 8 months and honestly our relationship was great before college started. Then we ended up in different colleges and had to do long distance.

At first everything was fine, but over time she started getting very close to some male friends in college. She called them besties and said they were just friends, but I became uncomfortable with it. We started arguing about it often.

I accept that I handled some situations badly. One day during an argument I told her something like “today someone may touch you casually, tomorrow they may expect something else.” I said it harshly and I immediately regretted the wording. She felt like I was questioning her character and she was like" i am done!!!!"

The next day I messaged one of her female friends just to ask if my ex was eating/sleeping properly because I was worried about her. Later that day my ex posted a story with one of those male friends and they looked very close in it. Since the breakup was fresh, I assumed they had already moved on together or “patched up.”

I asked her friend about it and her friend got angry and told me that they are friends don't assume things this is why she left you and all

Later that night my ex actually texted me saying she felt touched that I checked on her through her friend, and she was even thinking about getting back together. But when I mentioned that I thought she already got close with the other guy, she got hurt again because she felt I still didn’t trust her. After that we ended things completely.

Now I genuinely don’t know whether I was protecting my relationship boundaries or just becoming insecure and controlling because of long distance.

I really felt very bad I regret it soo much am I too possessive?

AITAH?

asking this because multiple of my friends have told me that it was a great overreaction.

My boyfriend is not very "up with the times" he does not have tiktok and doesn't really know much about internet stuff. However he attended some work summit related to AI recently and now he won't stop using it for every microscopic thing which can be easily searched. I have told him multiple times how horrible ai is especially the environment it is destroying, the water pollution etc etc. This was about three months ago. Now it has gotten to the limit that he talks to chat gpt about things which we can easily talk about together. Nothing relationship related (more in general friend stuff). Yesterday we had decided to watch a movie and he was pretty much on his phone half the movie. I thought it was something work related but later found out that he was telling the ai how the movie was. This pissed me off and I said something along the lines of stop this shit or we are seriously breaking up. My boyfriend along with some of my friends think it isn't really that big of a deal. We are not talking right now and we had a date planned for today. Should i apologise

edit: thanks for all the answers I did apologise and we are okay now. Also told him in detail why ai is horrible in general and he told me he was a bit avoidant about it and apologised too, Not using it will take time but hopefully we get there. Thankyou everyone

I (22F) have been dating my bf (22M) for 6 months now.

I have recently noticed that he talks a lot to Chat GPT. For example, yesterday we were invited to a birthday party and after chatting a bit with my friends, I looked for him and found him alone on his phone typing into CHAT GPT.

This morning, he asked me if I’m bored and I replied “yes” since it’s a Sunday and I have nothing to do. He got offended that I’m bored even though I am with him and then he went silent and started typing on his phone. I asked him who he’s texting, he didn’t reply and I knew right away, it was CHAT GPT again.

I addressed it and he said it helps him regulate his emotions. I told him I find consulting with a robot is probably doing more harm than good. He admitted that he always consults Chat Gpt (his “bro” as he calls it) because it doesn’t critique him and just listens without responding. He says his “bro” is more patient than me and doesn’t react the way I do. Da fuq. So he doesn’t like real human interaction and conversation and prefers a lifeless thing to talk to???

Mind boggling.

For clarification. He is very insecure and also struggling with severe OCD. In the last two months I’ve had quite a few serious talks with him regarding how his insecurities are turning into controlling and manipulative behaviour because he always accuses me of being at fault for his insecurities and asks me for more and more validation while trying to restrict me from certain things.

I don’t mind giving him validation. But with uni, work, the gym, my dog and my hobbies having to give a grown man at least 10 times (no exaggeration, I started counting) validation a day is quite exhausting. It’s never enough for him. I have to reply to the question “Do you love me?”, “Do you like me?”, “Are you tired of me?”, “Are you okay?”, “Everything okay?”, “Are you bored of me?”, “Do you want to breakup?” etc etc soooo many times in just one day.

He refuses any medical assistance and insists on consulting his “bro” instead of a psychologist. I won’t push him to do something he’s not ready for, however consulting Chat Gpt seems so childish to me and so useless. How are you going to consult an emotionless machine and ask it for advice regarding your feelings and your relationship?

Anyway, I was about to get into a petty fight with him and have our CHAT GPTs fight with each other since he likes using his “bros” arguments but I thought Reddit might be a bit less childish. So here I am.

WIBTA if I broke up with him over that?

AITA for getting upset that my girlfriend keeps accusing me of looking at other women and sometimes gets physical with me?

I (28M) have been with my girlfriend (26F) for two years. I love her deeply. I’m genuinely attracted to her, our sex life is great, and I’ve never cheated, flirted, or even looked at another woman in a way that would disrespect her.

But she frequently accuses me of “checking out” other girls when we’re in public. Sometimes it’s someone walking by, sometimes it’s a waitress, sometimes it’s literally someone on TV or in a movie. The thing is: I’m not doing it. At all. I’m not even tempted. I’m madly in love with her.

These accusations get much worse when she’s on her period. I understand hormones can make emotions stronger, and I try to be patient and supportive. But it gets to a level I’ve never experienced before with anyone. I grew up around women, I’ve dated before, and I’ve never had this kind of issue.

When she gets into this mindset, I can’t reason with her. She’ll yell at me, accuse me of being “distracted by other girls,” and a few times she has pushed me or hit me out of anger. I’ve never yelled back or gotten physical. I just shut down or walk away because I don’t know how to handle it.

Afterward, she’ll calm down and act like nothing happened, or say she was just “emotional.” But the accusations come back the next month, and the cycle repeats.

We live together and I want a future with her, but this is becoming a huge problem for me. I’ve never given her a reason to distrust me, and being yelled at or shoved over something I didn’t even do is wearing me down. I don’t know how to bring this up without her getting defensive or angry again.

So Reddit… AITA for feeling like this behavior is becoming a dealbreaker and wanting it to stop?

Me and my girlfriend are in a relationship for 8 month now, but we are not living together yet, so I only see her at the weekends. It takes me 3h to get to her place. This time we agreed that i can come to her place at 8 pm. I had a long day in uni beforehand and she had a photoshoot with friends.

10min before I arrived at her place, she messaged me and asked me if i can come somewhere to pick up the keys, because she wanted to spend more time with her friends.

At this point I already felt sad and I also messaged her that. She apologized and said that she fucked up timewise. I told her that it would have been fair if she would have let me know before and that it feels like I cant rely on her.

Whatever, I picked up the keys, where I also saw her friends. I couldnt hide my dissapointment so they have prolly seen it in my face, but I was not rude or angry (it would have been fine for me to join them, but she didnt invite me and asking felt weird bc withe the message: "can you come and pick up the keys I wanna spend time with my friends" sounded clear enough to me that she doesnt want me to be part of it)

After I picked up the keys and arrived at her place I messaged her that this situation hurt me especially bc we agreed on this time and bc of the time i need to go to her place every weekend

Next fucked up thing is that she doesnt have data outside so she cant send messages when she is outside and she can also not receive them but i really felt like telling her my thoughts and feelings about it

After 4h I stayed at her home alone i called her (she can pick up calls but cant call back) i just wanted to ask when she is coming back bc i already got tired and i had to stay awake to open her the door but the doorbell is really quite so i was afraid that i wouldnt here that and if i said she cant message or call me

She picked up and we talked for 10min where she said that she doesnt understand my reaction and that I destroyed her mood, that she doesnt promise me anything. She asked me if she is not allowed to have fun with her friends or be spontaneous

I said that i would never disallow her that but i feel disrespected and that she doesnt care much about me and that it would have been nice if she at least asked me to join

She got very angry on that and said that she already saw in my face when i picked up the keys that my mood was off and that i would prolly have destroyed it

In fact i was just tired and disapointed

At some point she also said that if i have a problem with that i can pack my stuff again and leave

I also think that her friends have an influence on her reaction bc shw mentioned that they noticed that i didnt kiss her back when i picked up the keys and they felt like i was not happy to see her which is not true

Anyways after i said that i was just tired and upset and overwhelmed with my feelings and the situation she hang up

Around 2h later she said that she will stay at her friends place

I thanked her for letting me know and told her that maybe she would understand me a bit if she would put herself in my situation and think about how shw would feel if i would let her come to my place on a agreed time and tell her 10min before that i switched plans but she can come pick up the keys

I also wished her a good night but she didnt reply

AITAH?

I 18f wanted to get my lashes done for prom. Originally I had asked my uncle for 50$ as I had not known how much lashes cost. Upon realizing the price I was crushed ($168). My date however offered to pay the difference, so I applepayed her the $50 to put twords the deposit (which was 35$). The time was getting close to my lash appointment when we got in an argument and she decided that because of our argument she no longer wanted to pay for the difference. I called my uncle in tears and begged him to send me the money to which he begrudgingly agreed. When he asked how much I needed I told him I was given the fixed price of $180.(even tho it was 168$) Since he already sent the $50 he sent me $130. My date had already ordered the uber and still had some of my money left over from the deposit so we made up and she decided to tag along. I gave her the remaining $130 so that she could just pay on her card. Everything went perfectly and both my date and I were very happy with my lashes.

BUT here’s where things went wrong. The day after prom my date realized the lash lady accidentally charged for the deposit twice. Instead of calling the lady to address the problem she demanded I have my uncle reimburse her. I told her that wasn’t fair and that she should call the lady because it was not my uncles fault, nor would my uncle agree to pay for a mistake that was not his. After some arguing I told her that I would try to ask my uncle for the money when he receives his next check. She dropped the situation however it would be brought up every few days. I’d tell her to call the lady as it wasn’t mine, my uncles or her fault that the lady charged an extra deposit. Again she refused to call the lady and demanded my uncle pay.

Things seemed like she had dropped it for a bit but then today she brought up the situation again more agitated. She told me that I didn’t really love her if I wouldn’t ask for the money from my uncle. After some arguing and me telling her my uncle would not agree and that she needed to call the lady I gave up and texted my uncle. I explained the situation to him and naturally he refused to pay and reiterated what I had said about calling the lash lady. I showed my date the text messages and she became even more upset because I hadn’t “stuck up for her”.

Now she is still upset and refuses to call the lady for her money back. She genuinely cannot see how this is not mine or my uncles fault. If you were in my position what would you do? Any advice is greatly appreciated!!