r/AITARelationship

okay so i 22F have recently moved in with my boyfriend 22M and we have been together around 2 years. he works full time and earns around $2,500 a month whereas i work part time and make around $800 per month because im in school full time aswell and work week nights. we currently split all bills equally ( im left with about $200 for groceries for the month) but ive asked recently if he’d contribute more to the house because he makes significantly more money than i do and if we didnt live together i’d be able to afford it more because i’d get help, but because he does live there and makes that amount im not eligible for the help.

All he says to justify it is that i “don’t work hard enough “ because i cant get any extra work and i dont want to get a different job because the one i have suits me perfectly because i go to school during the week and work week nights , off at the weekend, he tells me to just get a different job where i would work both week nights and weekends and i would get next to no free time.

Side note- i have a dog which also needs looked after which he doesn’t do and i do all his walks and look after him , he’ll take him outside for potty and that’s the extent to what he walks him. what do i do because he’s refusing but i think it’s fair. am i the problem? am i being unreasonable? HELP

I (25F) and my ex (29M) (let’s call him Jeff) were together for three and a half years. We lived together for majority of that time, a week or so before I ended up leaving him, I found out he was cheating on me with HIS ex girlfriend that had previously cheated on him (she was married to a whole new man atp btw with a brand new baby).

After I gathered my stuff, left him, his home, and told him that having no contact with him would be the only option for me, he decided that he would drive past my house everyday for a month until this whole situation happened.

One morning I opened my phone to a text from his number (no longer had his contact saved, but obviously recognized his number immediately) the text said; “Hey I know we are obviously not on good terms but I was hoping that we could talk again about you watching the dogs for \*best friends\* wedding?”

I didn’t respond to his text (and wasn’t planning to) until the next text came in a few hours later and it said “Really? Ignoring me seems like the most immature thing to do here.”

I at that point decided to respond with a simple “Please respect that I have decided I want absolutely nothing to do with you anymore and do not contact me as we already discussed.”. After I sent that, shit hit the fan.

Honestly wasn’t expecting what happened next, as I had not heard from his best friend, parents or any of his family after we had broke up. His best friend, fiancée of best friend, both his parents AND his brother all started texting me that I “agreed” to watch the dogs for the wedding (that never happened) also you mean the wedding I was supposed to attend WITH him, for OUR friends?

Everyone started texting me that no wonder he broke up with me, that I was the issue, and this is the reason they can’t trust me with my word, they were glad I was gone from his life and I deserved nothing good (pretty over dramatic for not wanting to watch his dogs, but I guess that’s just me.) At this point I was absolutely FED UP with what was happening, and it seemed no one even knew the REAL reason we had broken up… I started seeing red and did the only thing I thought I could do to end this whole bullshit situation.

I ended up putting them all in one group text and said the following;

“I have ultimately come to the conclusion that \*Jeff\* has not been completely truthful with you all. \*Jeff\* had been cheating on me for the last 4 months of our relationship before I found out and left him. In no universe did I agree to watch his dogs for \*Jeff’s best friends name\* wedding, (also why would I agree to watch his dogs at ANY point if I was also supposed to be attending your wedding? That makes no sense.) I have no clue what narrative he has been telling you but I am NOT the reason your son/friend/brother has decided to be one of the biggest fucking asshats in this generation, but I figure thats all due to you guys and how you let him get away with shit constantly.”

That was where I ended the conversation and blocked them all, but honestly I am truly wondering if I am the asshole?? Any thoughts? Thanks Reddit!

I 20F and bf 22 have been together for 2 years. For context I am a bigger girl and have always had self esteem issues because of this. I have tried losing weight but see no results and then go back to old habits. Now for the story so me and my bf went on vacation to the beach and we were having a good time and during an afternoon in he wanted to try a spice up our s$x life by recording it. I didn’t want to at first but he persuaded me into it. After a good 10 minutes I asked if we could turn it off because I just felt uncomfortable with the camera.
When he turned it off he laid back down and i stupidly said can I see it. Let me just say it was terrible lighting and it looked very cringy. He deleted it and I said ew I look fat. He then says yeah you do. I was shocked because this man constantly wants to do stuff and it always cuddling up on me and grabbing on me. When he said this I was upset and asked do you think I am fat. To which he replied yeah you are fat it wouldn’t hurt to lose a few pounds. This made me have a small panic attack and I started crying and left the room.
For 3 hours he never came to check on me. When I came back to the room he ignored me as I started to pack my bag and getting stuff ready for us to leave the next day. It wasn’t till we were going to bed I said so do you wanna talk about it to where he said what do you want me to say. After that whole fiasco he swept it all under the rug like he usually does. Whenever we get into a fight he just wants to forget about all of it and not talk about it. Or whenever he gets angry he blows up and then everything goes back to normal. I truly do love him but I just can’t forget what he said. Also I try and eat good around him but he never wants to eat what I do. He hates vegetables and only likes to eat fried foods yet he’s skinny as can be I feel like he doesn’t see that not everyone has a good metabolism and can be fit like him. So AITAH for being upset about his comment?

For some context: I have four kids from my previous marriage. We drove separately to the vacation because he couldn't stay the whole time. I had my parents following us as they were coming along too. It makes me feel safer to have someone following because being a single woman of four kids on the road and the possibility of having to stop is daunting. That's the world we live in. We have to think about the scary things especially when kids are involved. Anyways I had already noticed that he would tell little lies here and there so make himself seem more impressive. I chalked it up to him trying to impress me because it wasn't really anything of consequence. Example: he lied about how much he spent on my birthday present saying he spent way more than he did. It was little stuff like that. When we were on vacation I noticed he didn't just do it with me but everyone. He flat out lied to my mom, my sister and her husband. I knew what he said was a lie. I let it go because again this is his first vacation with us. I get wanting to impress your partner's family.

This brings up to the journey home. My parents said they would drive on ahead because he told, well he promised my mom that he would stay with us. We wanted to stop and do a few more fun things with the kids before we headed home. We stopped to fill up on gas and the kids had already used the bathroom then got on the road. A hour into the drive as we are passing a rest stop he calls to say he is going to pull in to use the bathroom and before I can argue he pulls out from behind me to stop. I'm already passing it so I can't stop. He broke his promise to my mom saying he would stay with us. A few hours down the road and he never caught up to us and I had to stop in the middle of nowhere with the kids alone so they could use the bathroom. Luckily nothing happened but I wanted to avoid that.

When we got home it all came to a head and I told him he needed to stop lying to make himself look better. That he didn't need to give his word if he couldn't follow through.

Skip ahead a week and he did the little lying crap to make himself look better again. I had had enough after the road trip. I called it off. I told him he needed to get help if he felt like his initial reaction was to lie. He needed to grow up. Am I the asshole for calling it off? I felt like I gave the situation as much grace as I could but when you immediately lie and can't keep your word then something has to give.

Edit: I didn't break up with him over him leaving us..I didn't need him to follow me. I only prefer it because I have a child on the spectrum. I take every precaution I possibly can, but life is unpredictable. I understand needing to stop. But there are several ways that could have been communicated. Like he could have said I have to use the bathroom again can we stop at the next exit and that would have been fine but that's not what he did. Also that was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back in a long line of this type of behavior. I am a survivor of domestic violence so yes I do have anxiety which I am getting help for.

I (30m) am in a 3 month relationship with my bf (m19). We met on a dating website which doesnt necessarily shows the age first thing. We started talking then the conversation of age got brought up. At first he didn't want to date because of the age thing which I understood and we decided to remain friends. Then a couple of weeks later he said he did want to try a relationship with me. I said as long as he is comfortable with it and if at anytime he wants to change his mind then I will understand. We live 2 hours away, so last month I drove to go out on a date with him. We went and saw a few movies and did spend the night together, I always let him make the first moves because I dont want to make him feel uncomfortable nor feel like he has to do anything. We had the best time and he honestly made me feel like I deserved love for the first time truly. I have had relationships in the past but I have recently discovered (thanks to therapy) I always had self esteem issues and let my past relationships take advantage of me financially. My bf truly loved me for me. He hates whenever I want to buy him things ( he got upset when I bought him a $20 pair of ear buds cause he didnt have any). He is still in high school due to being held back a year but he has already said he wants to move in after the school year. I have already started saving up so we can get him a vehicle so he can have transport so he doesnt have to rely on me and if he wants to get a job he can head to work without challenges. He has told his parents this and despite the age thing at first, they spoke with me and said they would love to have me for dinner at some point. I have told friends and my family about him. They have also been supportive but a coworker found out and she is saying that I shouldn't be doing this because this is predatory. I just want other people's opinion. I dont want to take advantage of him in anyway and I want other people's opinions on this please. Thank you

My bf (23M) was supposed to have his annual friend’s golf tournament this past Monday but got rained out, so they canceled. They decided to reschedule the tournament for Saturday, which is my (22F) birthday. When they do there tournaments it’s not just a 8 or 9 hr round, it’s an all day event that eventually migrates the bars or someone’s house (we’ve been dating for 4 years so I know how it goes).
So, I asked if he could either cancel on them, or just do the tournament and then come home to me. He got all mad saying their tournament only happens once a year and we could celebrate my birthday another day. I get that it’s not his fault that it rained, but I’m just upset that he would pick them over me. So, I’m upset but I agreed to do dinner on Monday night bc he said he would be too hungover on Sunday. AITAH for asking him to spend the time with me?

My marriage hasn't been going well for several months; my partner was constantly avoiding me. Last month, I discovered that he had cheated on me during one of his trips and that the affair had continued for a long time after that. If I hadn't found out, he would have kept doing it; he admitted it but said, "I didn't do anything wrong."
I once mentioned to him what would happen if I opened an OF account, to which he replied, "You don't have the body for that." The way he said it hurt me, so after he admitted to cheating on me, I opened that account in OF I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. He found out yesterday and has been berating me for it, treating me terribly; I told him we're even. AITAH?

I 25 F and my bf 29 M have been dating for roughly a year and 5 months. We’ve had ups and downs early on but recently things have gotten better. We’re doing long distance for the month and everything started out great until he went on a boys trip. He was out 7 days straight partying at clubs till 6 in the morning, this really was a red flag for me although he kept me updated all night I still feel uneasy about it because unfortunately he has broken my trust on a trip in the past (him and his friend were using a dating app but to my knowledge nothing happened). He doesn’t post me on social media and on this trip he told me various girls replied to his story as well as guys.

He got mad at me several times in our month apart for silly things like forgetting to share an outfit picture or having drinks with my friends and miscounting the number I had. I would never imagine going out and partying while dating someone the way he did on this trip, so I think he’s frustrations with me we’re not completely valid. I also know he wouldn’t like it if the roles were reversed. I also sent him a message saying please no boys trip next year and a few days later I see posts on his story saying “can’t wait to do it again in 2027”

Regardless of this which I’m trying to move past, I invited him to a wedding of a distant relative next month. He said no that it was too soon for him to attend the wedding and that it’s something that is important, and he would not to do that with someone after dating for only a year. Of course I was super hurt by this, and after cooling down I reached out and explained to him that the rejection made me like he’s not serious about a future with me. Months prior we had similar arguments when he left me alone for Easter (I live in in a different continent away from family) and another time when I proposed a trip for us to another city in our country, and to both these things he said it was too soon to share together. Additionally when I brought up this feeling to him he threw all the things I’ve had a problem with in the past in my face, including the trip he had just been on. He said I was ungrateful for the things he does to prove he wants a future with me, all while ignoring what I had just said about how the situation made me feel.

I genuinely don’t know what to do, I feel let down.

I had previously made plans with a friend to see a movie at 2:30 PM because she was going out of town for a while. A few days later, my boyfriend invited me to dinner with his aunt and uncle on the same day. It would have been my first time meeting his family.

Dinner was originally planned for around 6:00/6:30 PM. I checked the movie time beforehand and made sure it would end with enough time for us to get to dinner afterward. My boyfriend also asked if he could come to the movie with us, so I bought him a ticket.

On the day of the movie, he told me dinner had been moved up to 5:45 PM. I thought we had agreed that we would still go to the movie but leave early enough to make dinner. He didn't ask me to cancel the movie or say that he no longer wanted to go.

We went to the movie and both got caught up watching it and lost track of time. When I checked with him, he said he had already called a car. At that point, we were going to be about 15 minutes late to dinner.

When we left the theater, he became extremely stressed and started raising his voice at me. He told me I shouldn't have made the movie plans in the first place. When I tried to explain that I had made those plans before the dinner invitation and had originally planned around the later dinner time, he called me a liar and evading. My friend was still with us and was visibly uncomfortable with how he was speaking to me. I felt bad for being defensive but I shut down when he was yelling.

I told him I wasn't comfortable going to dinner with him while he was yelling at me and that I would go if he stopped and calmed down. I was also confused because he had chosen to come to the movie with us, and the timing only became an issue after dinner was moved earlier that day.

I ultimately didn't go to dinner, and he broke up with me afterward after ignoring me and blocking me everywhere. He said I was thoughtless for making us late and that the reason he hadn't asked me to cancel the movie was because "nothing he says matters anyway" and because he felt bad that I had already bought the tickets.

I understand that being late to dinner with his family and double booking myself, especially when I was meeting them for the first time, wasn't ideal, and I could have kept a better eye on the time. But I also feel like it was unfair for him to blame it all on me even though he came with and enjoyed the movie, and I didn't think being 15 minutes late justified being yelled at in front of my friend.

AITA.. i feel like im responsible for ending our rltionship :(

I just got to know that my girlfriend (34F) borrowed money to give to her male friend who had kept pressuring her even though he knew she didn't have a job and relied on me for support. This has happened a couple of times and he's not showing any willingness to pay. She now wants to find money to pay off the loan herself. To be fair to her, I overheard her telling a friend that she wants to slowly cut him off since she feels he's using her as a cash cow.

When I brought it up and questioned her about what was between them that made her feel she owed it to him to do that, she got mad at me. The fact that she's mad that what has happened bothers me makes me even more upset. I don't have any reason to suspect infidelity but the whole thing has got me asking questions. We have had a long talk about this and she has asked him to pay back the money.

AITA for asking her if there's something going on between them?

Tldr: gf borrowed money to give to male friend and now wants to pay it back herself because make friends doesn't want to pay back

I’m starting to feel like I’m completely running on empty, and I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable about this.
My husband and I have a 1-year-old daughter and two older dogs. I work full-time in workplace health and safety, and my job can be pretty stressful. I’m also working toward a promotion and was going to school full-time.
On top of that, I’m responsible for trying to keep up with the household.
My husband works part-time in fast food. He works on the same three days that I have off from my full-time job so that he can be home with our daughter while I’m working. Sometimes he only works two of those days so that I have an extra day to catch up on schoolwork, but generally that’s only when I’m already falling behind.
The problem is that my three days off aren’t really “days off.”
I usually spend one entire day and part of another doing schoolwork. The third day is generally spent cleaning, doing household chores, and trying to spend some time with our daughter before I have to go back to work.
I rarely get meaningful time to myself.
Meanwhile, my husband does have time for himself. He can usually find time to play video games or watch TV, and lately he has also been working on an app that he hopes to eventually sell. I don’t have a problem with him having hobbies or wanting to work on something for himself. What bothers me is that I don’t seem to have an equivalent amount of time to decompress because there is always something else I need to do.
I’m also at the beginning of my second pregnancy, and this pregnancy has been significantly harder on me so far than my first. I’m dealing with worse symptoms while simultaneously trying to keep up with work, parenting, the house, and everything else.
I also already struggle with anxiety and depression, so I know that I have to be careful about how much I’m taking on. I had actually been going to school full-time, but I’ve recently taken a term break for a few months because I was hoping removing school from my plate temporarily would relieve some of the pressure.
Even with that break, though, I’m still feeling incredibly overwhelmed.
I’ve started feeling genuinely burnt out.
What makes this harder is that my husband feels like I’m not doing enough on my three days off. I’m trying to meet his expectations because I don’t want him to feel like he’s the only one doing household chores or carrying the responsibility for the home. But when I don’t get everything done, he sometimes makes sarcastic comments or gets angry with me.
I’ve tried talking to him about how overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted I’m becoming. Instead of feeling heard, I often feel like the conversation gets turned around on me and becomes about what I’m not doing for him.
And honestly, that makes the burnout worse.
I don’t want to be resentful toward my husband. I don’t want to feel like I’m keeping score of who does what. I want us to feel like we’re on the same team. But I’m starting to feel like I’m expected to somehow fit a full-time job, parenting, pregnancy, household responsibilities, and working toward a promotion into the same three days every week.
I’m worried about how much stress I’m carrying and what it’s doing to me emotionally. I’m already feeling like I have very little left in the tank, and I’m scared that if nothing changes, I’m going to completely burn myself out.
I don’t think my husband is doing nothing. He works, takes care of our daughter while I’m at work, and contributes to the household. That’s part of why I’m questioning myself here. Maybe I’m not recognizing everything he does because I’m so overwhelmed.
But at the same time, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want some time to rest when I’m off work, especially when I’m also dealing with pregnancy symptoms and already trying to manage my mental health.
So, AITAH for feeling like I’m doing too much and asking my husband to take some of the pressure off me?

Backstory, I am 24 (F) and so is my stepsister. Our parents just got married (my dad and her mom). My stepsister is and has always been boy crazy since I have met her. Not always been my favorite quality of hers, but I didn’t hold it against her.

She is very close with her mom and it’s to the point where they are more like best friends than a typical mother/daughter. Which can be kind of fine in literally any other scenario.

The night before the wedding, my stepsister continued to tell my brothers SO that our uncle (my dad’s absolute best friend) is “hot.” He’s an attractive man yes, but it didn’t stop there. She continued the night saying (EVEN TO MY DAD AND STEPMOM - her mom) that she wanted to “fuck him”. they all laughed it off which is another story within itself.

The following day, the wedding. My uncle, who married my dad and stepmom, was with all of us for photos during cocktail hour. My stepsister proceeded to then go to my sister and told her “I’m going to fuck your uncle”. my sister was so beyond uncomfortable but again, tried to take it as a joke.

This entire night, my stepsister continued to follow around and be practically on top of my uncle the entire night. To the point where he went to my dad and said “I don’t want to upset anyone, but she’s being very intense” This obviously went nowhere because again, it’s my dads wedding night, and why would someone ever be so serious about this!?

Well, later on at the after party (again she is all over my uncle) he is now absolutely hammered and entertaining it. My sister went up to the stepsister and said “i’m just making sure you actually wouldn’t do this right?” to which my stepsister replied “oh god no, never.”

Fast forward to 2 am when my sister finds my uncle and step sister in the same hotel room.

Following morning, step sister comes clean to her mom, and immediately pulled the mental health card. I’m not getting into that unless more detail is needed to give an opinion.

I have zero sympathy, tolerance, or respect for her (or my uncle). I don’t think I will EVER be able to look her in her eyes again, and not think of how she ruined this wedding.

I removed her from my bachelorette group chat and I got the riot act from my dad.

There is SO much more to this story, but this is the gist of the situation.

So, AITA if I no longer want to associate myself with this person?

First we are not together and are NOT getting back together. So you don’t have to say leave him if that is how you feel. That has been done already.

Okay…. I’m going to try and give as much detail as possible. Let’s set the scene I (28f) have been in a relationship (we’re broken up) for a year and a few months with 33(m). Will call him B. we officially broke up in March because he again reacted out of anger to a situation instead of communicating. He was talking, i said hold one, he didn’t hear me, so he continues to talk and gets mad because “i purposely ignored him”. When i explained that i said hold on, he said i didn’t make sure i heard him. He proceeds to “cuss me out”

On the one hand ok true. On the other it’s not that serious and that is a trigger for him. I acknowledge that. My issue was with the reaction. A simple “hey, are you ignoring me?” And then listen to my answer and elaboration should have shut that down.

Rinse and repeat this scenario, over the course of 15 months. B reacts volatility and i try to be mature and communicate. I have FOR sure lost my temper and spoken out of anger as well. Especially more recently because i am at my wits in but in the beginning. I would Brainstorm ideas to help us both.

Ideas: maybe we take a break from the convo when it gets heated and we come back later, don’t raise our voices, don’t talk over each other, etc…

The CURRENT situation. I have a family friend from child hood since maybe 12-13 years of age. We met in church. He is married with two children. Let me say that. I am ALSO friends with his wife- she was my dance teacher. i literally watched his children grow up. I was at dance practice when they announced their first pregnancy. We have spent countless days, hours, and years being apart of each others life. They showed up when i graduated, came to the hospital when i had my baby, and held me as i cried when i got cheated on by my ex husband. They are like family to me. He essentially adopted me into his family in 2014. So he sometimes refers to me as his girl. He checks in on me often because i am hours away from home alone. He texts whenever he can, i used to be a shift worker so sometimes i worked over night and we would chat. He still does that, if he’s up he will text. NOTHING inappropriate. And i can show the proof to ex boyfriend that there is nothing there.

Saturday my family friend reached out “hey, i need to vent. Do you have time to talk” i am hanging out with B and HIS friends - who i do not enjoy hanging out with because on more than one occasion there has been an issue when we were out with them. I step away - 20 minutes- B comes over to check on me, sees that i am on the phone with family friend and says “oh so that’s what we’re doing, that’s so important that you had to be otp with him this time of night” (it was 11-11:30p). I said don’t do that. Fast forward i go back in sit for 5 minutes then decide to leave so as not to kill the vibe. He follows me and i address the issue.

B’s issue: he is pissed that a grown man is calling a grown man and insists it must be something inappropriate. I explain that it wasn’t and i can show that it’s not and never has been. He proceeds to continue being angry to this day. He insinuates that i must be lying despite having any evidence. He says it’s disrespectful to him as a man. And why would a grown man be calling you in the middle of the night. He’s disrespecting what we got going on (mind you we’re not together but we had JUST revisited a serious conversations with clearly defined, written out boundaries and healthy communication habits.

My issue: is his reaction. He immediately concocted a story in his head despite what i have told him. I HAVE NEVER lied to him. I have no reason to lie to him. He immediately jumps to me being disrespectful and untrustworthy. With no proof. I tell him had he asked i would’ve shown him that we never talk about anything inappropriate and nothing has ever been inappropriate between us. That’s not good enough for him. He fully believes he’s justified in being extremely pissed off still with no evidence. He calls me and says “.. i still got some questions and concerns about that relationship. Because i don’t believe that”

Now my question is: am i tripping for feeling like this is an extremely immature response and not healthy communication between two people. Was i wrong for this to be the final straw for me. His argument is that, he’s valid in his feelings because it’s disrespectful. Now i acknowledge that despite my intent. it can be taken disrespectfully. However, that in no way justifies hurling accusations, jumping to conclusions, and creating false narratives with no evidence. So am i the a-hole. I would like to hear different perspectives. Truly.

AITA for not being okay with my almost-50-year-old partner going on a boys trip when I know what these trips involve?
My partner and I have been together for 8 years. He just “asked” me, with about 48 hours notice, if I’m okay with him going to MGM with his longtime college friends. I genuinely don’t want to control him or be the partner who tells him he can’t go. The problem isn’t really the trip. It’s what historically comes with this particular group.
He and these guys basically bonded in college over partying and ❄️, and almost 30 years later, they still do it pretty much every time they get together. Usually it means staying up all night and getting completely f’d up. He’s probably the “best” of the group, but this has been a recurring issue in our relationship because our values just don’t align here. There have also been some really poor decisions within the friend group over the years involving infidelity, SCs, and even sharing a SW. None of that has happened during our relationship that I know of, and I’m not accusing my partner of cheating, but knowing their history and character makes it hard to just shrug this off. My partner is also very much a follower when he’s around them.
The current itinerary is a baseball game and casinos, but I know this group well enough to know ❄️, SCs and being out until morning are realistic possibilities. And when my partner gets really f’d up, he tends to avoid communicating with me, so the time I’m most uncomfortable is usually when he becomes the least reachable.
There is a lot of good in our relationship. We just have a few recurring areas where our values really don’t align, including parenting and this. He’s basically making the decision mine by saying if I really don’t want him to go, he won’t. But that leaves me feeling like my choices are either telling a grown man he “can’t” go or saying yes to something I’m genuinely uncomfortable with.
Part of me also wonders whether he should even want to go knowing what these nights historically turn into and how much this bothers me. Is there actually a healthy middle ground here? Check-ins? Agreed-upon boundaries? Or am I kidding myself trying to create “rules” for a nearly 50-year-old man?
I want him to enjoy time with his friends without me policing him. But I also don’t think being non-controlling means I have to pretend I’m fine with my partner doing ❄️ all night with a group of men whose judgment and behavior I don’t trust.
AITA if I tell him I’m genuinely not okay with him going? If he does go, what are reasonable boundaries without crossing into controlling behavior?

Throwaway account because this is extremely personal.
Sorry this may be a bit long.

I (33F) have been married to my husband (36M) for almost three years. Our third wedding anniversary would have been next month. We have been separated for about four months, and I have now decided to end the marriage. I’ve asked for a divorce, and he has told me to get “my shit” out of the house this weekend.
I’m now trying to find a lawyer to help me with the divorce and financial settlement, but the cost of legal representation is overwhelming. I’m also trying to understand the paperwork myself because I know very little about our financial situation.
The reason I left isn’t because of one argument or one bad day. There has been a gradual deterioration in our relationship, particularly over the last year and a half.
One of the biggest issues is that I was never given any real information about our finances.
We never had a joint bank account because my husband refused to have one. He kept his finances separate from me and wouldn’t properly discuss them.
The situation with our house has been particularly confusing. He would sometimes tell me it was “just a rental.” Other times he would say that he owned the house. Then he would say that the house wasn’t even in his name.
I honestly don’t know what is true.
The only thing I know we have with both of our names on it is our marriage certificate.
I don’t know what accounts he has, what assets he has, what retirement or pension accounts he has, what debts he has, or even exactly what the situation is with the house.
I did contribute to the household in a number of ways.
I worked full-time throughout the marriage. I paid for essentially all of the groceries and all of the utilities. He would rarely give me money for groceries.
He covered the mortgage and rates, but I don’t know how he managed that because he barely worked.
He has back and hip problems and would sometimes work for 3–6 weeks and then be off work for 3–6 months. During those periods, he was home most of the time.
Despite this, I was still working full-time, doing the grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.
Before we moved into the house, I also painted most of the house myself. I contributed financially toward a new fireplace. When the oven broke, my grandmother gave me $1,000 to help me buy a new one.
I don’t know how any of these contributions would be treated in a financial settlement. I’m not saying they automatically entitle me to anything; I’m just explaining the financial and practical contributions I made because I am now trying to understand our financial position.
My housework was constantly criticised and apparently never good enough, even though he was home most days. He would say he was busy doing things outside in his shed, but I don’t really know what he was doing out there.
My cooking was also constantly criticised. He would tell me that my cooking would “make him sick.”
What makes this particularly confusing for me is that this wasn’t always how he was.
Earlier in our relationship, he would compliment my cooking. I make cultural dishes from my background, and at one point he would even tell me that some of my dishes were better than his own mother’s.
Over the last 1.5 years, his attitude toward me changed drastically.
He became much more critical of me, my cooking, my cleaning, my friends and my family. I increasingly felt like nothing I did was good enough.
His attitude toward the people closest to me also changed.
He used to genuinely enjoy spending time with my parents. He would suggest having dinner with them or doing things together. He seemed to have a good relationship with them.
Now, however, he frequently says negative things about my parents and close friends. When I make decisions about our relationship, he tells me that I’m simply listening to them or being influenced by them.
I’ve tried to explain that my decisions are my own.
I asked for counselling because I wanted us to have a neutral person help us communicate and work through our problems.
I’ve also asked him to take accountability for things he has said and done and to acknowledge how his behaviour has affected me.
His response has essentially been that I’m asking for too much and that what I’m expecting is unrealistic.
That has been one of the biggest reasons I’ve questioned whether the marriage can actually be repaired. I don’t think asking for communication, counselling and accountability is an unreasonable expectation in a marriage that is struggling.
There were also comments that made me question whether he actually respected or trusted me.
When we discussed potentially having children, he told me that if I ever became pregnant, he would request a paternity test.
I wasn’t pregnant, and there was absolutely no reason for him to believe I would cheat on him. That comment was incredibly hurtful because it essentially told me that even if I became pregnant while married to him, he would assume the child might not be his.
There were other comments too, such as telling me, “You could have said no to the marriage,” whenever I raised problems in our relationship.
He refused counselling.
I tried to communicate what I needed and tried to work through things, but I eventually became emotionally exhausted.
After we separated, he sent me a message saying:
“Your parents are what has caused this to happen. Don’t blame me.”
That was particularly upsetting because he had previously enjoyed spending time with my parents and had wanted to have dinner with them and do things with them.
Now he seems to blame them, along with my close friends, for my decision to leave.
One thing that has also really affected me is that he repeatedly tells me that this is a “me problem.”
Whenever I try to explain why I’m hurt or why I think we need to address problems in our relationship, I feel like the responsibility gets turned back onto me. Instead of discussing what I’ve raised, I’m made to feel like I’m the problem for having these concerns in the first place.
It’s made me question myself a lot and wonder whether I’m expecting too much, even though what I’ve been asking for is communication, counselling, accountability, trust and mutual respect.
I’ve now made the decision that I don’t want to continue the marriage.
The practical side of leaving has been incredibly stressful.
I’ve started contacting lawyers, but the costs are extremely high, and I’m trying to find affordable legal assistance while also figuring out what paperwork I need to complete.
The biggest problem is that I don’t know what financial assets actually exist.
I don’t know what is in his accounts, what the house situation actually is, what debts exist, what retirement or pension accounts he has, or what other assets or financial interests he may have.
Because we never had joint accounts and he kept his finances separate from me, I feel like I’m starting from almost nothing in terms of understanding our financial position.
I don’t want revenge. I don’t want to take anything that isn’t mine. I just want a fair financial settlement and to be able to move forward with my life.
But I keep questioning myself.
Was I wrong to leave?
Am I the asshole for deciding that being constantly criticised, not being trusted, being kept in the dark about finances, carrying most of the household responsibilities, being discouraged from seeking counselling, and being told that my expectations of accountability were unrealistic were enough reasons to end my marriage?
And particularly, am I unreasonable for feeling that being told my future children would need a paternity test was a major red flag?
For anyone who has been through a divorce or financial settlement where their spouse kept the finances separate or you didn’t have access to information about the household finances:
How did you find out what assets actually existed? How did you protect yourself financially? And is it possible to navigate the financial settlement process without spending a fortune on lawyers?

My girlfriend (25F) and I (26M) have been together for almost five years. Our relationship has generally been good, although we’ve had a rougher patch lately with a few unrelated arguments.

After Christmas 2024, we decided we were tired of always spending the winter holidays apart. We agreed that starting with Christmas 2025, we would spend them together and alternate between our families.

Her family had already booked a large loft at a ski resort for Christmas 2025, so we spent the holidays with them. This meant I gave up spending Christmas with my own family, who were traveling around Asia and visiting my sister, who was studying there at the time. I was disappointed to miss that trip, but I was okay with it because we'd made this agreement and I expected us to alternate going forward.

A few months ago, my family started discussing plans for Christmas 2026. We have extended family living on another continent, and my girlfriend was included in these conversations. Whenever the destination came up, she basically said, "You guys decide and I'll adapt."

Eventually, my family decided to spend Christmas with our extended family. Some relatives are getting older, and there's a possibility this could be one family member's last Christmas with everyone. The downside is that getting there requires a 13+ hour flight.

When I told my girlfriend we needed to start figuring out dates and booking flights, she suddenly said she wasn't sure she could come. She'll have exams shortly after we return and said she would have to spend most of the trip studying anyway, so she didn't see the point in traveling that far just to study.

I tried suggesting that she could study more before we left, or that we could plan the trip so she'd have dedicated study time while still being able to participate in family activities. She was completely against it and didn't really suggest any compromise or alternative.

A few days later, I brought it up again and told her I felt betrayed. From my perspective, we'd made an agreement, I'd already followed through on my side by giving up Christmas with my family last year, and now that it was my family's turn, she was backing out.

Eventually, we agreed that we'd put the alternating arrangement on hold and restart it at Christmas 2027, when she'll be finished with her studies. It wasn't the outcome I wanted, but I accepted it because I understood that exams were important.

Then yesterday, she mentioned that her family had started planning their Christmas trip and casually said she'd like them to go to Norway.

That really bothered me.

Norway would admittedly be a much shorter and easier flight than the trip my family is planning. But I don't understand why her exams apparently make traveling with my family unreasonable, while she's open to traveling somewhere with her own family during the same holiday period.

There's also another part of this that bothers me. When we originally agreed to alternate holidays, I told my family pretty quickly. They accepted that I wouldn't always spend Christmas with them. My girlfriend, however, still hasn't told her family about our agreement. Her parents have always been fairly controlling of her and her siblings, and she's worried about how they'll react.

Because of that, I'm starting to wonder whether the exams are really the whole reason she doesn't want to come, or whether it's easier for her to disappoint me than to tell her parents she won't be spending Christmas with them.

At the same time, I understand that a 13+ hour flight before exams is very different from a short trip to Norway, and I don't want to act like she's obligated to sacrifice her studies just because I spent last Christmas with her family.

So, AITAH for expecting her to come with my family because we agreed to alternate Christmases? And AITAH for being angry that, after saying she couldn't travel with us because of her exams, she's now talking about traveling to Norway with her family instead?

AITAH for dating right after my ex wife and I broke up? Lots to read sorry
My soon to be ex wife and I broke up almost a year ago. Things were going downhill for a long time. Not trying to talk shit and trash her because it takes 2 to tango. As soon as we broke up I figured that getting out more would be good for me. It started with some friends but a few friends and family suggested I start going on dates again to help with my self confidence. So I figured why not. I only went on dates for about a month and half before I found a girl I really liked. It happened organically. We had a great first date and an even better second date and we just kept hanging out and going out places and I genuinely like her a lot and can really see a future with her but I thought that with my ex wife too. She’s knows my situation and has been nothing but understanding and supportive which was super shocking to me because I figured many people wouldn’t want to date someone until they were done with the whole divorce process. It’s been 10 months now and we still see each other regularly and spend a lot of time together. Sometimes I feel bad though because I feel like it should’ve taken me longer than a month and half to get over my broken marriage. I’m still struggling with a few things personally but I feel like I’m truly over her and content with never seeing her again. I know some people take years just to go out to social scenes but for some reason just meeting people again that I think like me for myself really helped me. In 3 months I’ll be able to file officially and I’m hopeful it will be fast and easy for both of us because I think we both just want to cut the cord and go on with our lives with nothing nasty or mean happening. I’m a lot happier than I’ve been in a long time thanks a lot to this girl. Did I move on too fast? Should I have given myself more time to process things? Am I just an asshole?

So there's this guy who had a crush on me in the past, but I wasn't interested at the time. He ended up getting a girlfriend, and honestly, we were never that close to begin with — like, dating or hooking up was never really on the table back then.

Recently I reconnected with our old friend group, and my best friend and I have been hanging out with him in group settings. Somewhere along the way, she developed a pretty big crush on him. But last week, he was the one flirting with me — asking personal questions like whether I think I'm ready to date again and if I'm over my ex.

Now I'm stuck wondering: would I be the AH if I let things develop with him, whether that's dating or just hooking up? Or should I just shut it down completely and leave him for my best friend, since she's into him?

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Hello,
It is my first time posting here.
Me (26F) and my partner(26M) had a fight a few nights ago. We both live alone in separate apartments. I have severe depression and was medicated for a while, but my doctor stopped the medication. For a while I was ok, but now I have a severe episode again. (It started a few months ago)

In the past few months I could barely function, my home is a disaster and I rarely go out. A few nights ago, my partner came by and after a while started to point out the mess in my apartment. I told him I am well aware of this, but I can barely work (I work from home), and cleaning the house looks like an impossible task now.

He kept on telling me that if I was really bothered by it I could do it, since I have enough energy to play video games. I told him to drop it, but he kept on going. I got very angry and started to cry and yelled at him that maybe he should help me if my the state of my apartment displeases him so much. From there I just kept on yelling and crying because nobody is ever helping me with anything, even if I ask for help. I told him that the only one who ever helped me is one of my friends (28M), but I am too ashamed to ask him to help me clear my house.

My partner told me that his life isn’t easy either, since he works a lot. (More than 12 hours a day and even in weekends). That I expect too much from him and that even with his full schedule he still has time and energy to take care of his apartment.

I told him to leave me alone and to go to his clean apartment then. I cried all night after he left, which made my mental health even worse.

I told my sister about it and she told me that I was too harsh on him and should have not yelled at him. So, AITAH for yelling at him?

P.S. My partner knows about my depression.