u/Ecstatic-Scarcity-84

[removed]

Soo I (female 35) have been with my partner (male 43) for almost 11 years. We’ll call him Ted. For years I’ve been wanting more for play in our relationship. I’ve given but rarely receive. He’ll maybe do it once a year.

Almost every single time we get intimate I start off with giving him oral. Sometimes I’ll just do it for him with nothing in return.

I try to shower before asking, I’ve tried different lubes and still Ted just says no. Finally I asked why? If it’s something to do with me I’d like to know. When I Asked him, he said “You know what that’s like down there?”

As a bisexual female I’ve probably gone down on just as many women as him. I told him yes I know what it’s like and I don’t understand why this is a problem for him. He explained half hazardously that he also just didn’t know what to do…

I told him I’d teach him and that I want to feel good too. He said ok but any time I brought it up after that, he just kind of laughed and changed the subject.

Finally the other day him and I were fooling around and I asked again. He just tried pushing my head down and usually idc about that. We like it a little rough but this time I just said no and smiled.

I told him I was on strike. Equal play for equal pay. He agreed to next time and we continued. This next time Ted tried again and I said “me first” he just tried to get me to give him a blow job again. I said no and I guess I ruined the mood. It was the quickest sex ever and he has been a little distant.

Am I the asshole for saying no until he agrees?

So I should start off by saying he’s not technically my husband. Not for another month… we’ve been together for about 10 years and he finally asked me.

I just was a little hesitant to say yes because over the last couple years he’s getting more and more short with me and even just plain annoyed. I’ve tried talking to him and basically said I talk too much and he just wants to sit in silence.

I try to give him his space but my world is small. The only other person I really talk to is my therapist. We live in his home state. We live in the middle of the woods. My entire family is across the the country and I work from home.

I have lots of hobbies and am trying to make more friends but it just seems no matter what I do, I can’t give him enough space. He just sounds annoyed with me. I’m worried. I mean does he even want to marry me or is this just the next step? Is this normal?