r/married

I don’t know what to think but I definitely know what I am feeling. I just don’t have anyone to talk about this with. What are your thoughts? Do you enjoy these books? Where do you draw the line?

The more I talk to people it seems like more couples over 50 are in sexless marriages. What’s your take?

I’m a straight 27(M) married for 2 years to a straight 28(F). We both got married as virgins and I wouldn’t do it any other way. We are both inexperienced, but communicated prior to marriage that we’re open to explore more than just basic sex.
We find that we both enjoy oral sex more than penetration. I have no issue going down on her, however she’ll only go down on me if I’m wearing a condom. Not because of any diseases, but simply because she won’t taste the semen…I think the concept of that disgusts her. I dont mind accommodating, but I’ve heard how much better a blowjob is without a condom and I have fantasy’s of receiving deepthroating, gagging, and sloppy blowjobs. I’m super greatful to my wife and I want to be patient with her, but also I don’t know what to do about this fantasy and desire that I may never experience. I also don’t know if that experience is common in most marriages or not.
Please advise

Lately, the thought of divorce and separation is on my mind A LOT.

My husband and I have had our fair share of struggles. We’ve been together 10 years and over that time, he’s had multiple addictions, tax debts of over $80k, speeding fines, going to court and getting in trouble with the law, lost his job over drugs or silly behaviour a few times, he’s crashed cars and just been really stupid. Mind you, a lot of that was over five years ago and since having my son nearly two years ago, he’s been sober besides a few beers and is actually an amazing dad.

Over the last 6 months, his drinking has gotten worse. He’s gotten roughly $1k worth of driving fines and dabbling in recreational drug use again and just not making the best choices.

We are not getting along. I don’t have much patience for anything anymore I’m so focused on my son and I’m working and doing everything around the house. We agreed he would clean the dog poo and take the bins out but keeps forgetting. He told me if I’m home “all day” why don’t I just take the bin out, not save it for him. I do take the bin out. I also work 4 days a week in a super busy job. we have no family support as we moved interstate. I do everything around the house, I am looking after my son outside my working days. My husband does work 12hour days, 6 days a week so I get that he would be exhausted. But so am I and I feel like he has this mindset that as a woman, the house is my domain.

I don’t know if I like the person he is anymore. I don’t think his choices or even morals align with mine anymore. his lack of accountability is astounding and he is 35. He used to be a nice person but these days, I don’t recognise him anymore. I don’t know if it’s the resentment or the exhaustion but I think about what it would be like to be separated often and part of me is sad by that but another part of me would be so happy not to deal with all of his shit and look after him the way I do. i think my marriage is over but I don’t know how to navigate that.

It’s been 10 years since we got married. I truly believed I had married my soulmate. Yet today I feel like the loneliest person within these four walls.

He’s in the house as I write this, but somehow we’re miles apart. We barely talk. Even roommates usually say hello to each other.
The hardest part is that I still love him. I still miss his warmth, his affection, and feeling wanted.
Maybe that’s just a very human thing—to long for connection.

People often say, “Just leave,” or “Start dating again.” But life isn’t a light switch. There is a journey between where I am today and wherever life takes me next.

For this journey I could use support of a friend. A friend who is on the similar path. A friend who is also lonely in their relationship. I friend who is similar age and life experience as me. A friend who has similar values as me. A friend whose upbringing was as dysfunctional as mine lol.

Are you out there?

I want to find out how to recapture that excitement in my marriage. Really feeling lonely and craving intimacy and I’m particularly interested in any perspectives and advice that wives want to share.

to;dr looking for advice how to increase intimacy and connection.

Summary: help me

I’ve been married for 25 years and I’ve known my wife for over 35 years. Recently, my phone background is a photo of her from when we first fell in love in college.
To me, it’s nostalgic. That’s the woman I love and seeing the picture reminds me of then.
But then I realized something: to anyone else, it probably looks like I have a random 21 year old girl as my background. She’s young enough in the picture that maybe it looks like she could be my daughter, but maybe not, which made me wonder if it’s kind of creepy or if I’m overthinking it.

I’ll add there’s nothing particularly sexy about the photo but big detail - she was goth! Black make up, chains and leather! But that’s just how she looked back then. Also- I look kinda run of the mill these days.

Do any of you keep old photos of your spouse around for sentimental reasons? Especially if they went through “a phase”. Does this seem sweet, weird, or somewhere in between?

I cycle through lots of pictures of my wife and family as my background, so it’s not like it’s always there- just a thought.

My husband followed a girl on instagram several times and I asked him nicely who she was. He then to me that it’s so lame to be asking permission from me whenever he follows someone. I told him it’s called respect and he responded by asking how is it disrespectful in anyway. He also liked stories of girls he follows and reels of thirst traps of girls twerking, cleavage out and even private part is obvious because of the choice of shorts they’re wearing. I told him nicely and ask why and he answered that he just likes the dance moves. I don’t know whatever explanation for him to understand that I’m uncomfortable with it, he just do it anyways. He also logged out his accounts from my phone so I don’t have access. What should I do? Stay unbothered? I don’t know.

We have been in the room mate phase and haven't had sex all year. I got us started in therapy and have been working on myself as has she separately. We had some good days the past few months and tonight it seemed like we might have sex. We kissed a bit as she laid next to me and said she doesnt know how to have us get back to being sexual again. She said she still thinks im handsome and loves me. But she said she wasnt feeling it tonight. Married with 4 kids. I feel Gutted, alone, and trying to find a reason to stay wirh this woman.

I have been married for almost 2 years. It was an arranged marriage, and we live abroad, far away from both of our families.
My husband has an older sister who is married with two kids and lives away from home as well.
Before we got married, I noticed that my (then fiancé) used to get frequent calls from his mother. I asked him if that was normal, and he told me it was only because they were building a new house and she kept calling to discuss it.
Now, almost two years into our marriage, nothing has changed. She still calls almost every single day. She knows everything that is happening in our household because my husband updates her constantly. Whenever he comes home from work, there’s a good chance he’s on the phone with either his mother, his sister, his uncle, or his friends—but most often, it’s his mother.
By the time he’s done talking, he’s tired. He eats, watches TV, scrolls on his phone, and the day is basically over. We rarely get quality time together.
I honestly don’t know whether my mother-in-law likes me or not. She’s usually very reserved with me, often responds with a straight face, and sometimes comes across as rude. Maybe that’s just her personality—I genuinely don’t know.
The thing is, I don’t want to ruin their relationship. I don’t expect him to stop talking to his mother. I think it’s nice that they’re close. But I also feel like there’s no space left for our marriage. Sometimes it feels like there are three people in this marriage instead of two.
I’ve brought this up with my husband more than once, but he brushes it off and says I’m making a big deal out of a silly issue.
So I’m wondering:
Am I being unreasonable here? Is daily contact with parents like this normal after marriage? Or is the real issue not the phone calls themselves, but the fact that our marriage doesn’t seem to get the same time and attention?

I asked my husband I want to go with him to the barbershop and he replied by saying I don’t need to go with him cause it’s a barbershop and it’s a boy thing. What could be his reason why?

Estou vivendo (m) 28 anos na França a 8 meses, meu marido (h) 35 conseguiu um emprego aqui em uma universidade como pesquisador. Ele merece pois estudou muito, apesar de vir de uma família privilegiada.

O plano era eu fazer um curso integral de francês, mas ele começou com certas indiretas sobre eu trabalhar, acredito que por influência da mae dele. (Ela falava para as amigas dela que eu não tinha um emprego)

Eu gostaria de aprender francês e depois fazer um curso e trabalhar, ser independente, mas acabei sendo femme de menage nunca trabalhei com isso, é um serviço digno, minha mãe trabalhava com isso e sempre dizia pra eu estudar para não trabalhar nessa profissão.

Fui muito desprezada pelos clientes, por ser brasileira muitos pensam que passo fome e sou extremamente pobre. Sai do emprego, estou com síndrome do pânico pois na minha mente todos os franceses sao assim, também tenho medo dos prédios que sao modernos aqui, o que nao faz sentido algum. Estou em um hospital psiquiátrico por ter ideações suicid@s…nao tenho saude para voltar ao Brasil agora.

Been dating this guy for 5 years. We’re in our late 20s now. Known him since high school and reconnected in our early 20s. Met each others’ families, got engaged, set our wedding date and chose vendors together. He’s always been there for me (and I tried my best too) and has always been super thoughtful. He was kind and patient when things were good. We’re different people but I thought we meshed well together. 8 months before our wedding date, he completely blindsides me and drops a bombshell that he fell out of love with me, he doesn’t know if I’m the person for him, he’s not sure if I even love him for him (I do) and he starts listing a bunch of things that are “wrong” about me (I’m too quiet at social gatherings, I’m waiting till marriage to do certain things, I’m not stylish, I have too many fam events and am too dependent on my parents, he doesn’t think I appreciate him). The 180 mind boggles me, I don’t recognize this person.

He also has been saying mean things to me during limbo when we tried to work things out (I was apologizing for things I did that hurt him, I really loved him and went out of my way to make him happy in the best way I knew at the time but I had no idea it wasn’t enough, especially when he would tell me I’m perfect or how he’s grateful to do life with me)… mean things he said include how it feels like the cooties when I touch him, how I’m boring and I should be boring with someone else, how he can’t picture me as his wife and how he couldn’t see me walk down the aisle (all things that hurt to hear). He also disclosed that he cheated on me 2 years ago (kissed a girl from school a few times during the span of a week). He eventually broke things off with me saying he can’t proceed because he doesn’t have feelings. This all came as a shock to me because I had no idea he was falling out of love. I thought we were planning for our happily ever after together. Sometimes I blame myself for the things I could’ve done better (been more appreciative, more patient, more outgoing, more stylish) - he evaluated me and didn’t let me in on his problems. Any insight and opinions would be helpful.

Can someone tell me husband, he is married to me not his sister !?

Any woman here feeling emotionally or physically neglected? Maybe your husband stopped making you feel desired, appreciated, or truly satisfied. Looking for someone mature, passionate, and attentive who knows how to make a woman feel alive again.

I was born in a liberal Indian family where I lost my father at age four and with my mother remarried in her 40s. I met a very traditional man in my 20s and married him through a small courtship period. He is 11 years older to me. He is a very good husband. He takes care of the house financially. He treats me with respect in front of others and when we are with each other alone. Before my marriage, I had a regular lifestyle of clubbing and wearing rather bold dresses but all of that has changed for me out of my own change in priorities. I fell for his traditional way of life which seemed so simple with uncomplicated family values. He also buys me gifts and pampers me with outings. He listens to my problems in my own career and advises me properly. Our sex life is really good. He buys me lingerie and makes sure that he listens to me during sex to fulfil all my desires. The only issue I feel is that either he is in 1) fulfilling marriage responsibility roles from a practical real world standpoint 2) satisfying me in bed. There are very little verbal romantic gestures from his end. He hasn't said as much as an I love you to me and he blames his generation (he's an older millennial, on it). He says he would rather show his love through actions rather than words, which I really value and appreciate. But maybe not getting so conscious about public displays of affection or giving me a small kiss even if our maid is looking, or sending me a small I love you or hug GIF during the day would go a long way for me wrt to affirming his love for me. He has tried but he is just not able to be romantic with me in that way. I feel it might be because 1) traditional households don't express love as much 2) he is older 3) men usually don't express emotions as such. what really amuses me is he is extremely passionate in bed and expressive of my beauty and devotion to him and our relationship. What are the reasons for this and how can I get him to love me in more number of ways through verbal expression?

I don’t know what to think but I definitely know what I am feeling. I just don’t have anyone to talk about this with. What are your thoughts? Do you enjoy these books? Where do you draw the line?