Women with a higher libido than their partner – how do you deal with it?
Are there any women here who are in a relationship where they have a significantly higher sex drive and desire for physical affection than their partner? I’d really like to hear how you deal with it and whether you’ve found a way to be happy despite this difference.
For us, it’s currently roughly every 7–10 days that we have sex. I know that this is completely normal and maybe even a lot for many people – but unfortunately, it often isn’t enough for me, and it weighs on me.
My partner is making an effort, and we’re both working on it. At the same time, he needs his own space quite often and then also withdraws physically. During these phases, he sometimes doesn’t want any physical affection at all – not kissing or cuddling. That is particularly difficult for me.
I’ve also tried to find other ways to deal with it, for example by using sex toys. They help to some extent, but it’s simply not the same. It’s not just the sex I’m missing, but above all the closeness, intimacy, affection, and the feeling of being desired. In everyday life, that feeling has almost completely disappeared by now. At the beginning of our relationship, things were very different.
Unfortunately, this is how things have developed over the years since we moved in together.
I’m working a lot on learning to tolerate this situation and not take every rejection personally. At the same time, I’m realizing that the complete lack of physical affection in everyday life is really getting to me. I miss being desired. We don’t flirt, we don’t have chemistry and sex doesn’t feel like Fun. He doesn’t bring up stuff he wants to try. I feel like we only have sex when his physical urges grow to strong after a certain amount of time and in the meantime he doesn’t think one thought about Sex or approaching me sexually.
We always talk about including smaller things in our day to day life ( like quick BJs and stuff) but nothing ever happens or I get a No as an answer.
Breaking up is not an option for me. Apart from this issue, this is the best relationship of my life, and I’m very sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. So I’m not looking for advice on whether I should leave him.
I genuinely want to know: How can you learn to live with a libido mismatch without becoming unhappy yourself?
Are there any women who have experienced something similar? What helped you? Have you found a way of dealing with it that works for both of you? And especially, how do you cope when it’s not just sex you’re missing, but physical affection in general and the feeling of being desired?