u/amorrison96

For those who have been married for long time:

I (M48) have been married almost 20 years; two kids, mortgage, etc. Marriage has been mostly fine, except we're both non-confrontational, which resulted in a lot of avoiding of dealing with things. We get along great, we're a really good team when it comes to household, bills, parenting, etc.

The past 5 years we've occasionally delved into some of the more difficult topics, which primarily center on faith. We were both strong christians when we met, dated, married - it was a fundamental reason for our relationship, and would've been a deal breaker back then. I found my path about 5 years ago and no longer share that faith, and it's amazing how much of life is viewed through the lens of faith.

A year ago we started going to counseling and managed to deal with a lot of the things we had ignored; but the faith thing is an ongoing disconnect, and we're trying to work through it.

On another front, on two separate occasions I've met people for whom I ended up developing a crush. Nothing has happened, reason prevailed and i was able to move on. But this has left me with the question: I don't have that intensity of emotion with my wife any more, and I don't think she does either. We're both very laid back and easy going - another way to look a this is we're not passionate (?).

We don't talk about the topics we know are going to lead to a contentious place; and we're really good at life together in other respects. But it worries me that we may just be comfortable rather than happy.

Does any of this sound familiar to others, and how did you work through it?

Or is that just a boomer thing?

I remember in my teens & early 20s a lot of older people would refer to us with these terms, and it was normal. But if we used them it was weird.

**wow, we feel more strongly about this than I had thought. But it seems it's regional, not generational, and disliked outside of those settings.

"Dude" is the way. Or, if they're wearing a name tag, their name. It's amusing how many times people are thrown off by calling them by the name displayed on their shirt.