I feel like I married the wrong person 😔
BEFORE MARRIAGE
So we’re both 26 years old, and just got married in January. I’m a US Citizen and she’s a Philippine Citizen, so we have 2 different cultural backgrounds.
Before we got married the relationship was good. We were mostly LDR for about 3 years — every waking and sleeping moment we were on call, we’d update each other no problem, completely faithful to one another and it was peaceful. We never fought with each other and the dates when we are with each other every other month are beautiful memories…
MARRIED
But fast forward to now. We’ve been married for 6 months now and I can’t live peacefully in my own home. It’s almost like walking on eggshells around her cause she always gives me shit for the little things. Like yea Husband and Wife tales are always like “yea you’ll fight over the smallest things” but I don’t want to always accept disrespect in my own home. It’s to the point she’s in one room, and I’m in the other to avoid clashing with her.
She doesn’t have to work — I’m the breadwinner so she gets to be a housewife. I expect the respect as the breadwinner but no, I don’t come home to “hi love, how was your day? Do you need anything?” I always come home to “oh I’m so tired, look I did all this for you — you don’t help me in this house.” *literally just opens the fridge for 5 seconds* “close the fridge youre wasting electricity!” I’m just laying on the couch, trying to relax, minding my own business then I’ll simply go to the bathroom. Next thing you know I’ll hear her bitching that I didn’t fix the couch after laying there and not turning off the electric fan, when literally I was gna go back. The dishes man… she cooks. Guess who has to wash dishes? Me. Honestly its not a problem for me to wash the dishes, but the fuckin audacity for her to create piles of dishes… ok.. so I’ll wash the dishes, then she’ll look at what I washed and get mad that I didn’t do it right (to what she considers right) and say I half-assed it and she ends up washing it again?!!! Like youre the one asking for help, but youre the one getting mad ???That’s just a few of the small things we argue about and yes they are small things.. but hearing it everyday, is fucking insane. My patience has been breaking and setting new limits everyday, YES we’ve compromised and I adjust but the fucking problem is that it’s just me adjusting! Even If I do it, it’s somehow still a problem?!!!
We argued a couple days ago about it, but I brushed it off and acted like it was just another small fight. But she came up to me earlier and basically wanted to communicate about it which I was open and willing to do so. BUT, she told me she was talking on the phone with my sister about it (cause she wanted advice/insight of how to deal with me) but all I understood from what she said was that she played victim, and I’m framed as the bad guy… when we started arguing, I let her talk, let her say her side, but when I start to rebuttal logically and factually — i find her scrolling on her phone not even paying attention to damn thing I say. And this is what she does most of the time we fight. And this time I said fuck this, her disrespect has gone too far.
THOUGHTS
Don’t get me wrong here, my wife is great. She cooks really good, does the laundry, cleans — but all it still doesn’t even out the disrespect. It’s like she has so many complaints with the only things she has to do. Honestly ever since I’ve been adjusting being married to her up until now, I feel like I married the wrong person. I view marriage as a very sacred thing and it really is to death do us part for me, but fuck.. I hate the fact I even have to vent like this to a bunch of strangers, hate the fact I even have these thoughts…
Is it cause of sex? We don’t have sex often. If we do it’s once in a blue moon and I mostly have to resort to jerk off because of my high sex drive. In connection to this is also the feeling of being wanted too. My wife doesn’t make me feel desired like before. These days I’ve been thinking and looking at other women and wonder what if I married her instead? When I talk to girls that are around my age, I can tell they don’t want to fully commit into even just friendly convo because it’s like we both know it could go beyond so and we respect the wedding band… I look down at it and question, fuck man why does it feel like I’m chained down instead of happily married ? I don’t want to cheat on my wife. But I hate the fact that’s even a thought that comes up, I hate the fact I don’t feel attracted to my wife anymore and now look at other women, but ultimately it’s because I’m turned off by how my wife treats me.
I want these thoughts to go away and learn to live with and love my wife faithfully mentally and physically. But idk, it’s hard.
if you read my rant thanks, if you can help me with better insight or perspective on this please lmk.