r/Newlyweds

I’ve been married for a month and I’m already feeling deeply insecure and overshadowed by my husband. When people see us together, I can feel them judging me and thinking he made the wrong choice. It makes me feel small and like I don’t measure up.

His personality and looks make me feel constantly in his shadow, even though he never does anything to make me feel this way. He’s a really charismatic, social, intellectual, sharp guy who stays in shape and has a strong presence. As a husband he’s great. I’m more introverted, 5’6 and a little skinny, and next to him I just feel average.

I’m a simple girl and this is already weighing on me after only a month. I want to level up myself in every way possible so I can feel more confident around other people when we’re together.

What should I do?

Thanks in advance

Can someone share the dos and don’ts of being a wife? I’d love to hear your advice, tips, and little hacks that have helped your marriage. I just want to be the best wife I can be and learn from those with more experience.

Examples of the kind of advice I’m looking for:
- Do you have a cleaning routine? (e.g., vacuum twice a week, deep clean once a month)
- How often do you cook, meal prep, or order takeout?
- Any laundry, grocery shopping, or home organization tips?
- Small things you do that make your husband feel loved or appreciated.
- Habits that keep your marriage strong (date nights, check-ins, spending quality time, etc.).
- Things you avoid doing that have helped prevent unnecessary arguments.
- Budgeting or money-management habits that work well as a couple.
- Any daily, weekly, or monthly routines you swear by.

Advice Request: What practical habits, routines, and life hacks have made you a better wife or strengthened your marriage?
TL;DR: I’m looking for practical wife tips—from household routines to relationship habits—to help me become the best wife I can be.
Summary: I’d love to hear real-life routines, schedules, and habits that have worked for you, whether it’s cleaning, cooking, communication, or anything else that contributes to a happy marriage.

Married about six months, together a little over two years. I adore my husband. He is kind, steady, and genuinely my best friend. I can't say that out loud to many people because it feels like admitting the problem: now that we live together, the sexual tension has mostly evaporated.

When we were dating there was built-in anticipation. Getting ready, the drive over, the little nerves. Now the moment dinner is done it's like someone hit the comfy switch. We watch a show, I fold laundry, he scrolls, we both yawn. Then I have this small panic: is this our sex life now? I start overthinking every touch and it kills the mood.

He still initiates sometimes, but I notice I'm less responsive. Not because I don't find him attractive, more because my brain keeps switching to roommate mode. When we do have sex it's good. I just wish I wanted it ahead of time, if that makes sense.

I tried the obvious stuff: lingerie once, scheduling a date night, trying to go to bed at the same time. It all felt forced and then I got embarrassed and backed off.

Has anyone dealt with this drop-off in desire after moving in or getting married? What actually helped you bring the spark back without turning it into a Serious Talk every week? I want this to be fun again, not a performance review.

Hi everyone,

I met this girl 1.5 years back through arrange marriage setup. We have similar education background, similar career and from the same city. In this time we have been trying to know each other better. And we both figured out that we both are poles apart. Our likings, the living style we want, our ideologies, fitness goals and even our energy. She is quite loud and i am a calm person. I don’t want kids in future but she is fond of kids. For my happiness, she tells me ok we won’t have kids but i know she wants them in future. She is very emotionally dependent on me but i am a practical person so there is a gap in expectations there as well. In starting she wanted to change me on how i am and we had a long discussion on just accepting each other’s personalities. She doesn’t change me now. She is in a hurry to marry as her all friends are married and only she is the single left. In this 1.5 years, we had a lot fights where i got to know she has anger issues but she controller it afterwards.

Now talking about the positives here: We have a very good friendship. We share things with each other without hesitation. She takes a lot of effort for this relationship and tells me that we both have to work on it. Loves me a lot. She is close to her family. I have never met someone taking so much efforts to stay with me.

We are getting married in 3 months now. But idk there is a fear in me that we both are just opposite and am i taking the right decision. I am very scared about this marriage. I know there is a cold feet everyone experienced but i think this is not cold feet. I genuinely am scared if she is the right person. Am i overthinking a lot? Can someone please advice here on what should be the right mindset here?

tl;dr met a girl through arrange marriage. Poles apart. Getting scared if i am making a right choice. Need advice

so my spouse and i just bought our first home together and we're replacing the fridge which is ancient and needs to go. we've been going back and forth on whether to get a french door or side by side and we honestly can't agree.

i like the french door because the wide fridge space on top seems more practical for how we store food and the bottom freezer makes sense since we don't use the freezer as often. my spouse prefers side by side because they like having the freezer at eye level and thinks the narrower doors work better in our kitchen layout.

we cook a lot and meal prep on weekends so fridge space matters more to us than freezer space. our kitchen isn't huge so door clearance is also something we're thinking about.

has anyone made this decision recently and landed on one over the other? would love to hear what actually works in practice for a household that uses the fridge heavily.

We have only been married a few months and, overall, things are good. We treat each other well, we talk and laugh, and we are settling into routines. Still, our sex life feels harder now than when we were dating.

Before the wedding there was more natural momentum. Now it feels like we either have to schedule it or it does not happen. If we do schedule it, it feels pressured and neither of us is really into it. I do not want sex to become another item on a to do list.

The mismatch is this: I want sex more often and I miss the little flirting and touch during the day. My partner says they are attracted to me but that they need to feel relaxed and not rushed. I am trying not to take it personally, but I get resentful when I initiate and get a soft no or a rain check that never turns into anything.

We are both tired from work and family stuff, so I get that. Still, I am worried we are setting a pattern this early.

For anyone who went through something similar as newlyweds, what actually helped in practice? Not just "communicate." Did you set a target frequency, focus on non sexual touch, do brief check ins, plan specific date nights, or take initiating off the table for a while? How do you bring this up in a way that does not make your partner feel like they are failing and does not leave you feeling rejected?

Any concrete suggestions or phrases that worked for you would be really helpful.

i got married in an arranged marriage setup.

After marriage, i used to wake up around 6am, and my husband was waking up at 5am every single day without missing a beat from day 1.

so i just assumed, okay, this guy is a proper morning person.

but nowwwww, after 7–8 months, once we got comfortable/close enough, i found out he was actually not a morning person at all 😭.

like the kind of person who can sleep till 11am if not awaken

the reason he used to get up at 5am was because he thought i might feel awkward getting ready, bathing, changing clothes etc in front of a complete stranger / new man.

so he would wake up early, get ready first, and leave the room before i woke up.

and honestly… when i found that out, it just made me feel so soft about him 🥹

We've been married a few months and, overall, things are really good. We're affectionate, we laugh a lot, and we genuinely like each other as roommates and teammates. But I'm already noticing how easy it is for our sexual energy to slide into autopilot once work, chores, and normal life kick back in.

Neither of us is rejecting the other. It's more that we both default to screens at night (I play games and she scrolls), we get sleepy, and the flirty momentum just disappears unless one of us makes a deliberate move. When we do have sex it's great; I don't want to wake up a year from now and realize we stopped prioritizing it.

Looking for practical ideas from other newlyweds:

- What small habits actually helped you keep initiating and feeling wanted without making it feel scheduled or clinical?

- Any routines that helped you transition from 'couch and phones' to real us time?

- Low pressure ways to build anticipation during the day?

- If you tried date nights or intimacy challenges, what worked and what felt forced?

Open to ideas from either side, including stuff you wish you had started earlier. We're both willing, I just want to be smarter about this now while we're still building our patterns.

I’m getting married through an arranged marriage, and over the last year, a lot of small incidents have started adding up. Individually, they may seem minor, but together they’re making me question everything.
Some examples:

1. He recently went on a work trip. I asked with whom did you go. He said no one. Then kept on lying for two days. And eventually agreed with the names. Those were a few clients only but when i said sach kyu nahi bola phele hi. He said - its not my habit to tell everything. You were digging in- thats why i didnt. But it was the first time when i asked in last one year.

2. My fiancé has repeatedly asked me about my salary before and after every interview. However, whenever I ask about his, the numbers keep changing. Last year he said one figure, this year another, and his family has mentioned a completely different number. It’s not about the money, it’s about the lack of honesty.

3. We have been planning a **2-day wedding for 1.5 months**, and his family is insisting on using a particular wedding planner/vendor. The issue isn’t pricing; it’s that the vendor is extremely slow, gives no clarity, takes forever to respond, and we still don’t have basic things finalized. Every concern I raise gets dismissed. The vendor is my fiances client- that is why he is not able to speak.

4. Before we got engaged, I was shown a room that was supposed to be renovated into our room/study. A year later, nothing has been done. Now when I ask about it, I’m made to feel like I’m making a “demand” instead of expecting something that was promised from day one.

During disagreements, my fiancé tends to shut down instead of communicating. We recently had an argument, didn’t speak for days, and when I tried to talk, he said he had “nothing to say.” Still i thought i will speak to him at night- texted him. He had slept. Wow.

None of these issues alone feel like a dealbreaker. But together they make me feel unheard, misled, and like my concerns are never taken seriously.

**Am I overthinking or these sound like genuine compatibility and trust issues that I should seriously reconsider before getting married?**
**Now i have emotional attachment with him. That is why it is tough to take a call. Help me decide the factors to say yes or no.**

I’d really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who’ve been through arranged marriages.

If you had to choose only one, which would matter more to you, and why?

Married a few months and it feels like whiplash. There was all the wedding hype and honeymoon glow, and then overnight we became roommates who love each other but barely touch.

I know everyone says the first year is an adjustment, but I did not expect our sex life to go from regular and playful to this pattern of long dry spells, followed by one tired attempt that feels like a box we are checking.

I am the one initiating most of the time and I am tired of it. Not because I want some perfect movie version of marriage, but because I miss feeling wanted. When I bring it up my husband is sweet and says he is stressed and exhausted and that it is not me. He says he still finds me attractive. Then nothing changes.

I am trying not to make it into a fight, but I am quietly getting resentful. I can feel myself pulling back in other ways. Why should I bother being flirty or wear something cute to bed if we are just going to scroll our phones and pass out?

The worst part is I feel guilty being upset because everything else is good. We do date nights, we laugh, we are a solid team. I did not expect to be in the newlywed stage and feel this kind of loneliness. I have even wondered if something structured and playful like Arya might help us reconnect intimately.

If you have been here, did it get better? What actually helped, not just vague advice like "communicate more"?

Bonus points if pre marriage you was really hyped for it but now wish you’d maybe not gotten so excited. I’m not asking if you’re miserable just if you realised it didn’t live upto the hype and wish you hadn’t kept encouraging your single or couple friends to also get married.

I know proposing is a huge step and can be nerve wreaking. Did you find it easy to ask her? Did you have a plan? Did your emotions shut you down and cause delays?

My brother very recently asked his girlfriend and he stressed so much beforehand. We're close and I can be brutally honest, as sisters are. He was calling me and texting for weeks, asking woman's "feelings" questions and how this will look, etc. He got so tightly wound before his planned date, he threw up. . He wanted her, but the anxiety of asking surprised to me.

Before going into this, please be kind ind your responses.

My fiancée and I recently realized that we may view certain social situations differently, and I am trying to understand how couples work through differences like this.

We discussed a hypothetical situation where she is out with a single friend, they meet two men at a bar, and the four of them are invited back to one of the men’s homes to continue hanging out. She said she would be comfortable going as part of the group and would leave if her friend started hooking up with one of them.

My reaction was that two women and two men leaving a bar and going back to a private home could feel somewhat like a double-date setting, even if nobody intends anything inappropriate and she clearly says she is engaged. I would personally be uncomfortable with that situation and would likely avoid it myself.

After I explained that, she said she understood why it bothered me and would not do it if I was uncomfortable. At the same time, she still feels that if I were genuinely okay with it, then it would not necessarily be a problem.

So she would avoid it because it makes me uncomfortable, but she would not necessarily see it as a problem if I were genuinely okay with it. I would never do it, because I feel it’s sending the wrong message to the other person and our marriage.

We both trust each other and love each other deeply. I do not believe trust means never feeling uncomfortable with a particular situation, though. To me, trusting someone and feeling that a situation is appropriate are related but not identical. I can trust that she would not cheat while still feeling that a certain setting sends the wrong message or crosses a boundary for me.

I do not think she is unfaithful, and I am not saying she should not spend time with single friends. I am trying to understand whether we simply have different instincts about what feels appropriate in a committed relationship, and whether that difference matters long term.

How do couples determine whether a difference like this is just a boundary that needs to be discussed, or a sign that they have meaningfully different expectations about marriage?

Please be respectful in your responses to both sides. I am genuinely trying to understand this, not invite aggressive comments toward either of us.

TL;DR: My fiancée and I trust each other and give each other independence, but we have different instincts about whether going back to a private home with a single friend and two men or two women is appropriate. She would avoid it because it makes me uncomfortable, but she would not necessarily see it as a problem if I were genuinely okay with it. I would never do it, because I feel it’s sending the wrong message to the other person and our marriage. I am trying to understand the difference between trust, comfort, boundaries, and long-term compatibility.

Been a member of this sub for about a year maybe, I’m actually a fiancée and not yet a newlywed. It has always been one of my favourite subs to peruse, but the one problem with it was there were rarely that many new posts day over day.

However, in the last 2 weeks or so, I am seeing almost the same post every single day about mismatched libidos/sex issues in early marriage. Hey, don’t get me wrong, been there with my Fiancé too, it’s a real problem, but I swear I have seen different but the same posts about that issue alone on this sub every day recently, always by different accounts with no post history.

It isn’t the only issue/topic up for conversation in newlywed life either, and isn’t in keeping with the usual mix of content I am used to seeing here, which is usually a mix of some Christian marriage content, arranged marriage questions and newlywed appreciation along with a balanced about of sex discussion, good or bad.

I haven’t noticed any comments calling it out either, I can’t be the only one who has noticed this?

The man I married.

I thought I’ve seen disrespect and disregard in my previous relationship but nothing compares to the man I married. I thought I had been deceived and betrayed by a lover before but the man I married takes the cake. A man who had little when I met him and I still chose him over and over, in the good whenever we spent time together and made plans about our future and in the bad.

The man I dated was lovely. He didn’t have much always since his career was seasonal. I thought that him being a business owner was telling in regards to his ambition. The man I dated was kind, honest and sweet. He showed me the rawness of relationships and constantly showed me that he would always choose me. I know that I wanted to be with the man I dated.

After a few months he became the man I was engaged to. In hindsight here is where it all began, the ugly. It felt like I was in a pressure cooker wanting to explode and it was a competition of whose explosion would be the biggest, or would matter most. The man I was engaged to wanted to marry me but had no money, knowing that the process of marriage in our culture called for it. At this point he was living with my mother and I due to his rent areas. During our family introduction I lovingly gave the man I was engaged to money to gift my family in secret, trying to hide the shame that would come if he didn’t or if my family knew. I did it with love. All our wedding costs were paid by my family. At some point my parents began to wonder if the man I was engaged to would take care of me but I would still smile and assure them that he was going through a season. I would reassure everyone including myself because what else could I do. Fights became more intense, words were exchanged and at times things would get alittle physical, but hey, what’s love without a little scuffles. Our friends, more of his, who I confided in told me to not marry the man I was engaged to just yet, to instead work on repare and fixing things to help our marriage start strong. But we didn’t listen. Sometimes I think it’s not because I didn’t want to but how could we cancel a wedding that has been planned and paid for by my parents. And so I married the man I was engaged to.

The man I married and I had a short honeymoon stage. After that we got into real issues. He drove me crazy. At a certain month I cried almost 4 times every week. The man I married suffered to. We were both getting out of order. I crashed out once and cut my hair after slapping myself several times. He crashed out and trashed the living room with whatever he could find. Then he took it far and did the worst. The man I married held me down and threaten to hit me, I pleaded with him not to then he spat on my face several times. I tried to retaliate but what can I do against such a strong and heavy man? The next day after the incident, we were at my parents house, acting like the lovely newlyweds. That night his sister called and let us know her husband had been physical with her. Weird right. In the end she decided to stay with the man she married but not until the man I married gave her his words of wisdom, words to say when the man you married wants to hit you, the exact same words I said to him, no change or different placement of words. Since then, something changed. I no longer felt emotionally connected towards the man I married. He is a stranger.

Now I operate like a robot. I iron his clothes, I do the chores, I try to please him and still he still views me as the one in the wrong. He cooked one meal yesterday, a meal that he said he would cook and never spoke to me the whole night. He was angry that I didn’t cook for him and yet he came late, it was 8pm. He says I disrespected him. He didn’t tell me that I should cook since he’ll be late. All he said was that work was taking long and he is hungry and can’t wait to get home. The man I married wants me to read his mind. The man I married has held on to this story, and held it against me because he is unable to see that he is wrong. The man I married forgot that when he is busy snoring I am there washing is shirts, polishing his dusty shoes, ironing his clothes and setting them so in the morning he will find his clothes, socks , tie and shoes ready. Instead I’m the bad one for not cooking one meal. As though he has been making meals before. And now the man I married is angry and has locked himself in the guest bedroom. How can I love this way.

Did I make the right decision? Is this a bump on the road? How long will this last? Is this what women who chose the men the married go through?

I just want to go home or anywhere away from him.

I 25 female going to get married in few months .I lied to my fiancee that I never had a boyfriend and my body count is zero but my body count is three.

Now he is expecting that I'm going to bleed on the first night after marriage. What should I do I cannot tell him the truth.