r/Newlyweds

Hi guys! I love my wife. We are recently married, and I’ve always wanted a family. We’re totally in sync on this.

But, lately I feel like all she does is talk about having kids, when we will have kids, things we’ll do to get pregnant easier. We are planning on having kids in 3 years (she’s 30) and I get that due to age, there are time constraints.

But… the focus is kind of freaking me out. Like she’s just waiting for this, and focused on this. I’ve never been freaked out by the thought of kids - but the feeling that this is a mission is kind of freaking me out.

I have a lot of goals for us and for myself career wise and I always figured we’d work on our goals together and have kids when we’re further along but I guess that time is now….

Got into a marriage with the consensus to have kids but 3 years into the marriage, wife decided that she doesn’t want kids anymore. Is this a fair change of mind?

Me \[25M\] and my wife \[24F\] come from middle-class families. We decided to marry impulsively without knowing each other well. Within 1.5 months, we got married, and we both took a stand for each other. She even left her job as an air hostess to be with me.

We lived together for 1.5 months, but her expectations of an expensive lifestyle, international travel, and a ₹25L car started putting financial pressure on me. Eventually, she went to her parents' house.

Yesterday, I went to convince her to return, but she said she's not ready for marriage and wants to live freely without the marriage tag. However, she was still kissing me and sitting in my lap in front of her parents.

I'm confused. How can someone show so much love while saying they don't want to continue the marriage? Does she love me but feel overwhelmed by marriage, or has she changed her mind?

How to initiate the conversation with him? What do i even talk about? I am not an introvert but i have no idea on what to talk about to him.
He feels like I dont have any interest in initiating the convo, and he is okay with taking things slow for me.

But i feel guilty that i am not able to talk properly.
Main issue for me is i dont know what to talk.

People who did arrange marriage! HELP!

So there is this rumour which we heard from so long that on first night every husband gives some advices to her wife.

Can any married men or women share that here.

Or just what they have discussed on that night if it's an arrange marriage.

And any other things which you can share from that night related to physical intimacy.

My husband and I married last month. I only ever wear the wedding band and original ring he gave me. However I’ve noticed men notice the rings more now when stacked than just when I wore the first ring when first meeting me. For example getting gas, checking out at the store, in restaurants, etc etc.
Just because I’m in married bliss am I noticing it more? Or do people actually notice and acknowledge I’m off limits?

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How long did it take you to realize you found the one?

I know I am moving too fast in this relationship. But it was like love at first sight for both of us and that’s something neither of us have experienced before. Typically when a man likes me too much it turns me off from him. But this time it’s different. We’re matching each other’s energies and effort. Everything is great right now. Sure, honeymoon phase. But what if this is THE one? What if this is the real deal? And how do I not self sabotage this really good thing happening to me right now?

me and my husband got married 3 months ago. I love my husband and want it to work. i moved cities for my husband and quit my job to do so. he insisted I do this. I asked him multiple times leading up to it if he was sure, I offered to keep my job in my home city and move when I got a job. after moving in, my husband did not offer me any money. I eventually got the guts to ask a month later. we have fought about this multiple times- nasty fights. he has now taken accountability and apologised. I love him and I know he loves me. since then he always makes sure I’m ok for money.

it still gets me I had to ask. I feel like he only gives me money because I brought it up, like he doesn’t really want to, like he sees me as a burden.

I forgive him and appreciate his apology but I feel as though I’m lost some respect for him. I feel like I resent him.

how do I get over this? do I speak to him about it? am I valid in feeling this way or am I holding onto things too much?

Been married for a little over one year with a new home.

Since engagement really, my spouse is very cold, less affectionate and we are connecting less and less. At first I thought it was because of decision fatigue and wedding planning stressors.

Deep conversations I try to have get a few words and then end. Going to bed at different times.

When we were dating we would spend hours talking and were so connected. It doesn't even feel like the same relationship.

I have brought up many times how I am feeling something is off, different and not the same and I am met with anger and mostly it gets turned around on me, never getting resolved. The things I bring up that I'm not happy with, never get changed.

I'm wondering if this is a normal part of a new marriage and stress that comes with a new move.

Tl;dr I dont even feel like I'm in the same relationship.

I know this is still a long post, but I’ve got a lot on my mind and genuinely want outside perspectives. (Made a post before but it was to long, just wanted to summarize this one a bit more)

My wife and I have been together for 4 years and married for 5 months. Unfortunately, we haven’t really been able to enjoy our marriage. Since getting married, it feels like we’ve spent more time arguing, being hurt, disappointed, or emotionally disconnected than actually enjoying being husband and wife.
For context, I’m naturally a very easygoing person but I’m a people pleaser. I tend to put other people before myself, struggle with boundaries, and I really don’t enjoy conflict. My wife had a difficult upbringing and became very independent at a young age. I do believe she has a lot of childhood traumas that has affected how she handles conflict, her emotions, communication, and relationships.

The biggest issue throughout our relationship has been communication.
When something upsets her, she often shuts down and stops communicating with me. Sometimes she’ll say she’s fine when she clearly isn’t, and I’ll repeatedly ask what’s wrong because I genuinely want to understand and fix things but even than she won’t say. Than when it finally gets to a certain point she’ll blame me and say I didn’t care enough to find out what was hurting her or that I should have just known. Eventually I started feeling like I was expected to figure out what was wrong without being told, like expected to read her mind to a certain degree.

This pattern along with other stuff has happened for years. We’ve broken up and gotten back together multiple times because of it. Eventually I got to the point where I would apologize for things I didn’t even know I had done just to restore peace. Over time, I stopped doing that because she realized I wasn’t sure what I was apologizing for.

Another pattern is that when she becomes upset bc of a disagreement I tend to cave and prioritize her emotions over my own meaning I’ll give in to what she wants even when I don’t agree with it. I’ve realized that I’ve done this for years because id rather save the peace than have her stonewall me or shutdown. Sometimes these shutdowns would last days. It felt like I was talking to myself for days and at a certain point I thought she was punishing me for her being upset. When she did this it just came off really cold, I felt like I could get seriously hurt and she just wouldn’t care bc she was mad. I think doing this tho has caused me to slowly lose myself in many ways tho.

Despite all of this, I loved her deeply and always tried to show it. I drove hours just to see her, bought her food, filled her gas tank, wrote songs for her, planned special birthdays, took her on trips, consistently told her I loved her, and tried to be there for her emotionally.
But she continued to feel like I wasn’t giving her enough.

Eventually I became completely burned out. I felt like no matter how much I poured into her, it was never enough, and I started questioning whether I even recognized myself anymore.
Before getting married, I actually told her that I wanted us to focus on fixing our relationship before getting married. I knew we had serious problems and was worried that marriage wouldn’t magically fix them.

She wanted to move forward with marriage, and we can fix things along the way which made me hesistant but eventually I agreed. Looking back, I wish I had trusted my hesitation more bc we spent so much time planning we didn’t even have the chance to work on things.
Our wedding itself was complicated. I was genuinely happy and enjoyed the celebration, but my wife was extremely upset throughout the day and barely seemed to enjoy it. There were a lot of issues surrounding the planning, and I felt like many of them came down to poor communication and expectations. She was more so unhappy with the wedding planner but allowed that to ruin the whole day for her.

Then came our honeymoon, which is where something changed in me.
We went to Jamaica and had a major argument. She was upset, withdrawn, and didn’t want me helping her. At one point she told me:
“I’m grown and you’re grown. I can take care of myself. I’m gonna do what I wanna do and you can do what you wanna do.”
Later, she explained that when she’s upset, she doesn’t expect anyone to show up for her or care for her, and she tends to push people away.

That really hurt me because I had spent years trying to show her that I would be there for her.
After that, something in me changed. I started emotionally withdrawing and feeling like I needed to protect myself instead of constantly trying to prove that I loved her.

There have also been other things said during arguments that have really hurt me. She has told me she regrets the time we’ve spent together and, before our wedding, even said she would marry me for convenience rather than disappoint everyone. I know people say hurtful things when they’re angry, and I’ve tried to forgive those moments, but eventually some of those words started to stick with me.
Now we’re 5 months into marriage and things feel worse.

Some nights we’re okay. We eat together, watch something, laugh, and I remember why I love her. Other nights we’re barely talking. Sometimes she’s crying in the bathroom and I’m trying to figure out how to help. She doesn’t wear her wedding ring anymore.
I know I have my own issues. I need to work on boundaries, communication, conflict avoidance, and probably a lot of other things. I’m not trying to paint myself as perfect.
But I also feel like I’m expected to work on my issues while simply learning how to navigate hers.

I’m exhausted.
I love my wife deeply, but I feel like I’ve spent years trying to love her in the way she needs while slowly losing myself in the process.
Lately I’ve been thinking about divorce more and more. Part of me wants to leave and live a quiet life alone. But another part of me feels like leaving would mean abandoning someone I love, especially knowing that she has her own wounds.

I’m honestly just hurt and confused.
So I’m asking people who have been married, divorced, gone through similar relationship dynamics, or even just have an outside perspective:

Am I looking at this situation clearly? Is this something that can realistically be repaired with both people willing to do the work, or does it sound like we’ve reached a point where staying together may be doing more harm than good?

I’m not looking for people to blindly tell me to leave or stay. I genuinely want honest perspectives, especially from people who have experienced something similar.

Before marriage me and my wife were colleagues and friends.

Married for 3 years now, before marriage I used to share everything with her when we were just friends she just used to listen to me quietly.

Now when I share stuff with her she reacts, gives me feedback I didn't ask for or says something that makes me feel down.

I know that might be because we are emotionally connected now and are involved in each others lives, however I don't share much with her and I can act natural or say what how I truly feel.

I have told her why I am unable to share stuff with her now.

How can be go about being heat friends honest and natural with each other.