The man I married
The man I married.
I thought I’ve seen disrespect and disregard in my previous relationship but nothing compares to the man I married. I thought I had been deceived and betrayed by a lover before but the man I married takes the cake. A man who had little when I met him and I still chose him over and over, in the good whenever we spent time together and made plans about our future and in the bad.
The man I dated was lovely. He didn’t have much always since his career was seasonal. I thought that him being a business owner was telling in regards to his ambition. The man I dated was kind, honest and sweet. He showed me the rawness of relationships and constantly showed me that he would always choose me. I know that I wanted to be with the man I dated.
After a few months he became the man I was engaged to. In hindsight here is where it all began, the ugly. It felt like I was in a pressure cooker wanting to explode and it was a competition of whose explosion would be the biggest, or would matter most. The man I was engaged to wanted to marry me but had no money, knowing that the process of marriage in our culture called for it. At this point he was living with my mother and I due to his rent areas. During our family introduction I lovingly gave the man I was engaged to money to gift my family in secret, trying to hide the shame that would come if he didn’t or if my family knew. I did it with love. All our wedding costs were paid by my family. At some point my parents began to wonder if the man I was engaged to would take care of me but I would still smile and assure them that he was going through a season. I would reassure everyone including myself because what else could I do. Fights became more intense, words were exchanged and at times things would get alittle physical, but hey, what’s love without a little scuffles. Our friends, more of his, who I confided in told me to not marry the man I was engaged to just yet, to instead work on repare and fixing things to help our marriage start strong. But we didn’t listen. Sometimes I think it’s not because I didn’t want to but how could we cancel a wedding that has been planned and paid for by my parents. And so I married the man I was engaged to.
The man I married and I had a short honeymoon stage. After that we got into real issues. He drove me crazy. At a certain month I cried almost 4 times every week. The man I married suffered to. We were both getting out of order. I crashed out once and cut my hair after slapping myself several times. He crashed out and trashed the living room with whatever he could find. Then he took it far and did the worst. The man I married held me down and threaten to hit me, I pleaded with him not to then he spat on my face several times. I tried to retaliate but what can I do against such a strong and heavy man? The next day after the incident, we were at my parents house, acting like the lovely newlyweds. That night his sister called and let us know her husband had been physical with her. Weird right. In the end she decided to stay with the man she married but not until the man I married gave her his words of wisdom, words to say when the man you married wants to hit you, the exact same words I said to him, no change or different placement of words. Since then, something changed. I no longer felt emotionally connected towards the man I married. He is a stranger.
Now I operate like a robot. I iron his clothes, I do the chores, I try to please him and still he still views me as the one in the wrong. He cooked one meal yesterday, a meal that he said he would cook and never spoke to me the whole night. He was angry that I didn’t cook for him and yet he came late, it was 8pm. He says I disrespected him. He didn’t tell me that I should cook since he’ll be late. All he said was that work was taking long and he is hungry and can’t wait to get home. The man I married wants me to read his mind. The man I married has held on to this story, and held it against me because he is unable to see that he is wrong. The man I married forgot that when he is busy snoring I am there washing is shirts, polishing his dusty shoes, ironing his clothes and setting them so in the morning he will find his clothes, socks , tie and shoes ready. Instead I’m the bad one for not cooking one meal. As though he has been making meals before. And now the man I married is angry and has locked himself in the guest bedroom. How can I love this way.
Did I make the right decision? Is this a bump on the road? How long will this last? Is this what women who chose the men the married go through?
I just want to go home or anywhere away from him.