u/Ambitious-Wasabi6818

Came back from the gym tonight did my meal prep. The usual Friday night routine. Sitting here thinking about my life since I got clean and sober, it’s been good; achieved a lot. But then I get these other thoughts.

I think about people sometimes, that could have been in my life for longer periods of time. Then I think about if that would have made any difference to how I feel alone from time to time, or if I would have grown bored and resentful towards them for choosing me.

I think about my cat and how I love him and truly love him and how I’ve felt that for very few people before; not desire or want but just love.

I guess I’ve been thinking about a lot of things tonight and would love to know what you’re thinking about tonight ?

I normally swipe aimlessly on tinder at this hour and figured some actual connection would do me well.

I truly have never dated in a worse place in my life.

I don’t know if it’s the weather or the transient nature of the people here; but something is turning people’s brains into mush here.

I lived and dated in the Midwest, East-coast, and in Europe. I feel like every time I’m talking to someone it ends in 3 ways here: ghosted, “met someone else”, or straight up stood up. This is a pattern that has just persisted for the last 4 years I’ve lived here.

Look before y’all bang on about working on myself I’ve pretty much done the “inner work”. I take care of myself, am not ugly by any means, have hobbies, work hard in my field, and blah blah blah but nothing seems to land here. Hey maybe I’m just boring; god knows !

Maybe it’s because I’m just meeting people through the apps or my condo gym or randomly on the street but in general I just seem to fall for the most unserious flaky motherfuckers I’ve ever met in my life.

Feel free to tell me I’m wrong or dumb or both I just wanted to blast this out into the universe and put my frustration into words. Guess I’m just really shook by how many bad apples I’ve picked while living here. Not to blame the place entirely I made those choices just never had been that pervasive before.