u/Ambitious-Zombie9649

for context I’m 18 and I’m only living with my maternal aunty for two months before I move back to my mums. I love my grandparents but I don’t know how I’m managing with them around. for context me and my aunt live in a two bedroom home and previously it was just me and my aunt.

however now my grandparents are here and my grandpa sleeps in my aunts room and my grandma and my aunt sleep in my bed while I sleep on a sheet and a pillow on the ground. Due to the short nature of my stay I’ve got most of my stuff in my suitcase and I feel messy because Ive just got it above my suitcase.

The main reason I’m annoyed is because I can’t get proper sleep on the ground and I end up being extremely lazy in my lessons which isn’t good cause I’ve got exams coming up. I wouldn’t mind sleeping on the ground if it was for a few days but I’m gonna be sleeping on the ground for the rest of my stay. Im not used to sleeping on the ground and I do have issues with sleep where I will manage to sleep a few hours but not get the proper sleep I need. I’m an extremely heavy sleeper and I find that I function the best when I’ve got ten hours of sleep however I need to be fully comfortable to sleep somewhere and right now the floor is causing me back pain.

The other big issue is that I have nowhere to study at home. Before my grandparents got here my aunt left a little coffee table that I’d use while i would sit on the ground, it wasn’t comfortable but at least I had something. that coffee table is being used downstairs and I don’t have anyplace to study. I could use the dining table but my aunt is so picky about things I don’t want to test it. I’m gonna try using the library but I barely have energy for my lessons so I don’t know if I’ll even have the motivation to go to the library.

Another one of my problems is that my grandma is a type two diabetic and when my aunt isn’t home she wants me to inject my grandmother and I’m vehemently against it because I’m extremely uncomfortable with injecting someone with anything.

Another major problem is that during my half term break my aunt has invited my other aunt and her newborn child to stay and I don’t know how sleeping arrangements are even going to work.

it’s currently 1:30 in the morning as I’m typing this and I have to be up at 7 am. am I in the wrong for this

hi so for context I’ve been raised in a somewhat religious household. My parents are Muslims but they aren’t super religious but still kind of religious. like for example they care about eating halal meat but not about me wearing the hijab I just need to dress modestly. no tank tops or shorts but they’re fine with leggings and a tight fitting shirt or an off the shoulder top.

They raised me for the first thirteen years of my life in a Muslim country, it wasn’t that culturally religious but it was still there. They put me in a private school that had Islamic classes as religion classes but it wasn’t a religious school. They also had a Quran teacher who taught me and we’d go back to our own country for religious holidays. My parents would listen to music and dance but my mum seemed more disapproving of me enjoying art as a kid. she’d let do it and she’d let me get art supplies often but every now and then she’d tell me off and say it wasn’t allowed but that didn’t stop me.

I think I first started to lose interest in religion when I had those Quran lessons as a kid and I was at the age where my teacher would ask if I had prayed and ’d either lie or shamelessly say I didn’t ( go me as a kid!) and I would try and pray when my mum would tell me off for it or if someone told me to and was actually watching me but I didn’t really feel it, like I didn’t feel like there was any spiritual presence there and I was trying to get it over with because I didn’t really get it. I had no interest in religion and it was quite obvious.

An interesting moment for me as a kid was Eid Al Adha because it was when you’d sacrifice an animal for god and I was back in my home country and I kind of befriended the goat that we were gonna sacrifice and I knew it was gonna die and I didn’t want it to die but I kind of had to accept it. The day before it died I didn’t go see it because I felt like it would hurt too much and then the next morning I woke my 8 year old self up and headed downstairs only to be met with the decapitated head of the goat I had befriended. It was a weird moment and I didn’t cry or anything I just looked at it until my grandma called me over. It was weird watching everyone eating the animal I had befriended and acting like the sacrifice was normal.

At around ten years old is kind of when I started questioning it more. By this point I had already heard the stories of hell and accepted that I was likely going there because I would inevitably sin. I even thought of a loophole where I would live my life how I wanted and ask for forgiveness on my deathbed. i remember the moment I was about to ask if you could leave Islam but the teacher never picked on me.

At thirteen was when I had realized I didn’t believe in Islam anymore and it wasn’t some profound moment it was just that I didn’t abide by the religion in any way and it would be better not to pretend I believed in the religion. Thirteen was also the age my parents moved me to a mainly secular country and I got bullied for being an ugly kid (character development at its peak) and it was a bad time for me and in those moments I truly realized I was alone. There was no God out there because he wouldn’t let this happen to me, he wouldn’t give me anxiety and make it so bad in my head that I wanted to kill myself. My mum would tell me to pray to God to make it better but that felt stupid and like she wasn‘t seeing me at all

At fifteen is when I moved schools and I still wasn’t fully healed at all, I was still depressed and I would break down crying multiple times in school for no reason and have panic attacks even though I wasn’t being bullied. It hurt so bad I resorted to self harm to cope with the pain. Around this age is when I started asking my R.E teacher about the existence of god and he was impressed with me and truthfully answered that he didn’t know. I was a little troll and I would troll people on Roblox about knowing their own religions like people who claimed to be Christian but couldn’t name 5 Bible quotes. I also distinctly remember trolling this one guy who was on tiktok live until 4 am because of his performative Christianity.

I don’t want anyone to try and convince me to go back to religion because it’s not gonna work but also I want the opinions of fellow atheists and if they had a profound moment of disbelief or was it gradual.