lonely on the playground
Hello
My daughter is 5 and has ASD level 1. She can be very outgoing. She has a speech delay (mild now),with sensory issues, very smart, with very unique ideas and quick thinker. She is courageous, athletic..and she has very high energy and fun. Kids are really drawn to her and want to play with her.
So my concern is...She plays with kids 1/2 of the time. When she wants to play with them, she does well. She can be somewhat reciprocal, and enjoys her time with them.
The next day, the same kids may ask her to play again and she may totally ignore them in a rude way and want to do her own thing! She may go play with the rocks all by herself while all the girls are playing together doing the same activity at the opposite end. It does not bother her at all. She is confident in who she is and does not need to be in a group at all times, she is happy.
Now the issue is, I need help with this and accepting this. I have not told her peers or parents about her diagnosis. They do find it odd that one day she will play with their kid well and ignore them the next (which may hurt their kid's feelings). I rather not tell anyone for now, until she is older and I tell her herself first.
Next is the issue that I am worried she will be permanently excluded in the future (after age 10 or so) if she acts like this, and she will end up lonely, leading to choosing bad friends or partners out of desperation. I also feel having social connections brings so much value (for example, friends may help in times of need, with school work, giving tips on various things that one may not know otherwise). I feel people who have strong social networks can really get ahead in life and I do not want her to miss out on that ..
I also love connecting with the other parents and it is hard when my kid is the only one who is not playing with their kids..in another corner...,..I also personally miss out on forming those relationships. I can deal with that but just a side note.
I really need help with being able to accept that this is perhaps who she is. Perhaps she is just happy this way and I should be too? But it's very difficult for me. I do not want her to be lonely...it really brings me down. It effects my mood alot when she rejects nice kids who seek her and plays all by herself..
I would also like some tips on how to help her make friends. She is only interested in playing when she wants to play....on her terms, which is not how friendships thrive.. I have tried bribing her to play with girls who ask her...but it works only for that day and not sustainable...
Any tips or insight would be appreciated. .