u/Ambitious_Towel_1320

For about five years, I was in an on-and-off relationship with a man named Jay. Together, we went through an immense amount of hardship and pain. We endured homelessness, starvation, and the brutality of sleeping on concrete, and our relationship at times became physically abusive. We were both battling drug addiction, which heavily influenced our choices.

Eventually, Jay's frequent arrests caught up with him. During one of his last times in court, the judge gave him two options: serve a flat sentence of 11 months and 30 days, or accept a 5-year probation period with the condition that any violation would trigger a mandatory 5-year prison sentence. Even though we were entirely homeless, he chose probation. He claimed he did it because I wasn't there when he was arrested, we weren't able to say goodbye, and he couldn't stand the thought of me sleeping outside alone while he sat in jail. In reality, I believe he just wanted to get out so he could get high again. Once released, he failed to check in with his probation officer entirely. He ran from the police for about four months before they actually caught him and sent him down the road to serve the full 5-year prison sentence.

While he was locked up, I did my best to stay in touch and answer his calls, but my own life remained incredibly unstable and I was still homeless. About a year and a half into his sentence, I met somebody named Ray. We started seeing each other casually, but we didn't make a formal commitment because he was dealing with a chaotic situation at home trying to remove an ex from his house.

Three years into Jay's sentence, I ended up getting arrested myself and was sentenced to 11 months and 30 days. Near the end of my time, I received a letter from Ray. He explained that he had also just been released from jail, which was why he hadn't reached out sooner, and said he wanted to see me when I got out. He ended up losing his house and everything else because his ex filed a false police report against him. Because he was starting over in a new place, the coast was clear for me to move in with him.

Initially, the arrangement was just a way for him to help me get back on my feet so I could build a real life. However, within a few months, our connection grew, and Ray and I entered into a committed relationship.

...Here's where it gets a little sticky....

Now, Jay has about a year left on his sentence and has been transferred to work release. He's been calling me constantly, but I've been dodging his calls for days at a time because I don’t know how to tell him that I'm with someone else. It was never my intention to replace Jay. I love Jay to death, but I also love Ray to death, too. Even though both men have been unfaithful to me in the past, I choose to stay with Ray while continuing to speak with Jay whenever Ray isn't around.

Jay swears to God that he's a changed man, that he's done with drugs, and that he wants to build a sober life and a home with me. On the other hand, Ray takes care of me right now to the point where I don't even have to work. The bottom line is that I'm in love with two men, and I'm not ready to close the door on either of them.

I'm struggling to tell Jay the truth. I need him to understand that the only reason that I aligned with Randy in the first place is because I was left with absolutely nothing. When Jay went to prison, I was left to fend for myself on the streets, and it damn near killed me, but Ray saved my life. I want both of them, but I know neither would accept that.

I'm preparing to call Jay and tell him about my relationship with Ray and why I started living with him in the first place. . I want to wait until Jay is fully released to see if he can actually follow through on his promises of sobriety and a home. I can't blindly abandon the real stability and love Ray provides just to risk going back to Jay on blind faith because of all of his empty promises and lack of trying in the past. As addicts, we've been down this road before, and I've heard these empty promises too many times. I just need help wording this perfectly so he understands where I stand.

For about five years, I was in an on-and-off relationship with a man named Jay. Together, we went through an immense amount of hardship and pain. We endured homelessness, starvation, and the brutality of sleeping on concrete, and our relationship at times became physically abusive. We were both battling drug addiction, which heavily influenced our choices.

Eventually, Jay's frequent arrests caught up with him. During one of his last times in court, the judge gave him two options: serve a flat sentence of 11 months and 30 days, or accept a 5-year probation period with the condition that any violation would trigger a mandatory 5-year prison sentence. Even though we were entirely homeless, he chose probation. He claimed he did it because I wasn't there when he was arrested, we weren't able to say goodbye, and he couldn't stand the thought of me sleeping outside alone while he sat in jail. In reality, I believe he just wanted to get out so he could get high again. Once released, he failed to check in with his probation officer entirely. He ran from the police for about four months before they actually caught him and sent him down the road to serve the full 5-year prison sentence.

While he was locked up, I did my best to stay in touch and answer his calls, but my own life remained incredibly unstable and I was still homeless. About a year and a half into his sentence, I met somebody named Ray. We started seeing each other casually, but we didn't make a formal commitment because he was dealing with a chaotic situation at home trying to remove an ex from his house.

Three years into Jay's sentence, I ended up getting arrested myself and was sentenced to 11 months and 30 days. Near the end of my time, I received a letter from Ray. He explained that he had also just been released from jail, which was why he hadn't reached out sooner, and said he wanted to see me when I got out. He ended up losing his house and everything else because his ex filed a false police report against him. Because he was starting over in a new place, the coast was clear for me to move in with him.

Initially, the arrangement was just a way for him to help me get back on my feet so I could build a real life. However, within a few months, our connection grew, and Ray and I entered into a committed relationship.

...Here's where it gets a little sticky....

Now, Jay has about a year left on his sentence and has been transferred to work release. He's been calling me constantly, but I've been dodging his calls for days at a time because I don’t know how to tell him that I'm with someone else. It was never my intention to replace Jay. I love Jay to death, but I also love Ray to death, too. Even though both men have been unfaithful to me in the past, I choose to stay with Ray while continuing to speak with Jay whenever Ray isn't around.

Jay swears to God that he's a changed man, that he's done with drugs, and that he wants to build a sober life and a home with me. On the other hand, Ray takes care of me right now to the point where I don't even have to work. The bottom line is that I'm in love with two men, and I'm not ready to close the door on either of them.

I'm struggling to tell Jay the truth. I need him to understand that the only reason that I aligned with Randy in the first place is because I was left with absolutely nothing. When Jay went to prison, I was left to fend for myself on the streets, and it damn near killed me, but Ray saved my life. I want both of them, but I know neither would accept that.

I'm preparing to call Jay and tell him about my relationship with Ray and why I started living with him in the first place. . I want to wait until Jay is fully released to see if he can actually follow through on his promises of sobriety and a home. I can't blindly abandon the real stability and love Ray provides just to risk going back to Jay on blind faith because of all of his empty promises and lack of trying in the past. As addicts, we've been down this road before, and I've heard these empty promises too many times. I just need help wording this perfectly so he understands where I stand.