u/Ameliorate03

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I feel like I’m starting to lose my sense of what’s normal.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. There are a lot of good parts to our relationship. We laugh a lot, we have great chemistry, and I’m finally comfortable around his family after a long time. I really do love him.

But there has been an ongoing issue with honesty.
Over the course of our relationship, I’ve caught him lying about different things, mostly related to substances. When we first started dating, I set a boundary that I wasn’t comfortable with that. Over time, I tried to be more open as long as he was honest with me. The problem is that I keep finding things out instead of him telling me. Every time, we fight, he eventually admits it, apologizes, and says things will be different. Then something else comes up later.
Recently, it got worse.

I found texts where he was talking about going to a reservation and dealing with money for weed. When I asked him about it, he said he went but didn’t buy for himself. He said he was buying for a friend so he could make money to spend on my birthday. The explanation kind of makes sense, but it still bothers me that I had to find it instead of him just telling me.
Then I found something that really messed with me.
For years, he has told me he does not have Instagram. Very clearly. But I recently found his account, and not only does he have one, he’s been active on it. He’s also liking pictures of a girl he used to like.
That honestly made me feel sick. When I confronted him, he said multiple people have access to his account and he didn’t like it. I feel like that’s a lie.

It’s not even just about the likes. It’s the fact that he lied about having the account at all for years. Now I feel like I can’t trust anything he says.
There have also been moments where I thought he might be high. His eyes looked glassy and he seemed off, but he always denies it. I feel like I’m constantly trying to figure out what’s true instead of just trusting my partner.
I feel anxious all the time. Like I have to pay attention to every little thing to feel okay.
At the same time, I still love him. I can’t just turn that off, even though part of me feels like I should leave.
To make things more complicated, we have a big trip abroad coming up that I mostly paid for. I’m worried that we’ll have a great time and I’ll get even more attached, or that something will happen on the trip and I’ll feel worse while being far from home.
I feel really stuck between what I feel and what I think might be right.

So I guess I’m asking:
Am I overreacting for being this upset about the Instagram and everything else?
Why would someone lie for years about something like that?
Is liking a girl’s posts he used to like a red flag in this situation?
What would you do about the trip?
At what point do repeated lies mean the relationship just isn’t fixable?
I would really appreciate honest opinions because I feel like I can’t fully trust my own judgment right now.

TLDR: Boyfriend of 3 years told me he didn’t have Instagram the entire relationship, but I just found out he does and he’s been active (including liking a girl he used to like). There’s also a pattern of lying about other things. I love him but don’t trust him anymore. We have a trip coming up that I mostly paid for — what would you do?