My son’s teacher talked to my son about adhd during a scolding
I had spoken to my son’s (6 yo) assistant principal earlier this week. She had called because he had an office referral for “bad” behavior. I had explained that my son is on a waitlist to see a developmental pediatrician for autism and adhd. I told her that my son struggles with his energy and sensory needs, difficulty following directions, and “being in his own world” in class as my son has told me his teacher says to him in school. His teacher and I had discussed this already last year and I requested that recess not be removed and that he get a wobble seat or desk band but nothing was done.
I told the assistant principal that he was sad about the constant punishment like taking away recess, and being yelled at. He says that he hates his life because of school. He’s in kindergarten and is talking like that. I mentioned requesting a 504 plan while we wait to meet with the pediatrician. The assistant principal said we’d meet to discuss it next week.
I never told my son about adhd or anything. He has no idea what adhd even is. He hasn’t been diagnosed and we haven’t even met the developmental pediatrician yet. But today my son said at recess he missed all 3 whistles to go in because he didn’t hear it. His teacher called him over to talk about missing the whistles. He said his teacher then told him that I, his mother, thinks he has adhd, but that she, the teacher, thinks he doesn’t, and according to my son she said “there’s nothing wrong with you.” It was a part of discipline discussion and was totally irrelevant to the situation. I think she said it to imply that he is choosing to be “bad.”
It feels like wildly inappropriate to mention something like a potential diagnosis. It’s not her place to diagnose him or even mention it to him especially when I haven’t even talked to him about it. Also claiming there’s nothing wrong with him implies that if he is diagnosed that there is something wrong with him. If he isn’t diagnosed, it still implies that having adhd means there’s something wrong with them. She has no idea if he has diagnosed family members or friends which now she’s labeled as having something wrong with them. Also I’m not comfortable with her framing it as if I think something’s wrong with my son. What if she has other students that are diagnosed? She thinks there’s something wrong with them?
I’m not sure how to handle this and I hate conflict but I definitely don’t think I should let it go even though the year is practically over. Also I’m in the middle of divorce and my soon to be ex hates it when I stand up for stuff. He’s from a culture that doesn’t stick out or question authority. I’m worried he’ll prevent support for my son because of joint decision-making.