u/Ancient-Area-933

Backstory:
I had three senior dogs, 2 of which I had since they were 8 weeks old, one dog who was my brothers and lived with us when she was 8-13. My last remaining senior dog, Harlow is 10. She has been reactive towards other dogs in the past but never towards her housemates. She was very bonded with the one of my dogs, the one she grew up with, and tolerated my brothers dog. In January, my dog died and three weeks later, my other dog (brothers dog) died also.
Harlow grieved HARD. She was very sad and we were all having a hard time coping. Long story short, I adopted another dog right after.

Today:
It’s been three months since I adopted the new dog (Loki) and at first, it was going really well. He’s a 1.5 year old Aussie mix (the same as my other dog). My old dog died when he was 12 so obviously his energy had settled a lot compared to this new dog. I thought I was completely ready to take on Loki. For the first few weeks, Harlow was playing with him every morning, sharing her space, ect. She used to never play with the other dogs so I thought Loki was breathing some new young life into her. It was really sweet. After a few weeks, Harlow started resource guarding her toys and food and Loki had no manners so every time she would growl, he would instantly start a fight. The fights were never that bad and could be broken up easily and after some space for a day or two, they would go back to playing/wrestling/sleeping together. Over the last three months, the fights happened more often, none of them resulting in injury or super bad but we were always right there to break them up. About a month ago, we hired a trainer and Loki went to board and train at her house for two weeks. In that time, Harlow seemed more relaxed but also a little sad that she didn’t have any friends in the house. I know how much change this is for a senior dog and I thought I was doing what was best for her.
The day he came back from board and train, they were happy to see each other, played together.
I made the stupid mistake of having treats out in the yard right after his return, and immediately, they got into it and we had to put them apart. Harlow knocked Lokis face and he was bleeding (a small gash).
I’m now afraid they won’t be able to get along and they have been completely separated except for walks together for a week now.
She still seems like sometimes she wants to play with him and it gives me hope but other times he will be laying across from her and she will growl at him.
I want to keep Loki safe and he deserves a home where he doesn’t feel like he has to walk on eggshells around my other dog.

Over the last week, we have deeply considered rehoming Loki. It’s breaking my heart, I’ve never had to rehome a dog. I feel stupid, irresponsible, and disappointed in myself. Not to mention the INTENSE amount of guilt and shame I feel. Logically, I think Harlow would prefer to be the only dog and Loki would be better off with someone who will be able to give them their 100 percent attention. I know I won’t be able to give both dogs 100 percent what they need.

The small moments where it feels like she wants to be around him, play with him, are giving me hope but I also feel like I will always be on edge and won’t ever be able to fully let them live and be alone together without constant management. It would be hard on me, and hard on both dogs.

Mostly, I just feel horrible. About the entire situation. I haven’t fully grieved my other dogs because I instantly through myself into a new situation. Harlow has had so much change. And Loki came from the shelter, straight into my house and then into chaos. It’s been three months and he is already attached to me, learning quickly, finally feels like he’s comfortable and adapted to the house. And now he is on rotation schedule with my other dog. Keeping him feels wrong, and rehoming him feels wrong. Neither one feels like the right decision. I guess I am just looking for advice if anyone has any because I feel like I am mentally and emotionally drained. I’m scared Loki won’t adjust to a new place and all his training progress will be lost. To be honest, I’m scared to hurt his feelings. I like him so much, he’s such a good dog, and I really wanted this to work out.

Kind words are appreciated 🥺

Backstory:
I had three senior dogs, 2 of which I had since they were 8 weeks old, one dog who was my brothers and lived with us when she was 8-13. My last remaining senior dog, Harlow is 10. She has been reactive towards other dogs in the past but never towards her housemates. She was very bonded with the one of my dogs, the one she grew up with, and tolerated my brothers dog. In January, my dog died and three weeks later, my other dog (brothers dog) died also.
Harlow grieved HARD. She was very sad and we were all having a hard time coping. Long story short, I adopted another dog right after.

Today:
It’s been three months since I adopted the new dog (Loki) and at first, it was going really well. He’s a 1.5 year old Aussie mix (the same as my other dog). My old dog died when he was 12 so obviously his energy had settled a lot compared to this new dog. I thought I was completely ready to take on Loki. For the first few weeks, Harlow was playing with him every morning, sharing her space, ect. She used to never play with the other dogs so I thought Loki was breathing some new young life into her. It was really sweet. After a few weeks, Harlow started resource guarding her toys and food and Loki had no manners so every time she would growl, he would instantly start a fight. The fights were never that bad and could be broken up easily and after some space for a day or two, they would go back to playing/wrestling/sleeping together. Over the last three months, the fights happened more often, none of them resulting in injury or super bad but we were always right there to break them up. About a month ago, we hired a trainer and Loki went to board and train at her house for two weeks. In that time, Harlow seemed more relaxed but also a little sad that she didn’t have any friends in the house. I know how much change this is for a senior dog and I thought I was doing what was best for her.
The day he came back from board and train, they were happy to see each other, played together.
I made the stupid mistake of having treats out in the yard right after his return, and immediately, they got into it and we had to put them apart. Harlow knocked Lokis face and he was bleeding (a small gash).
I’m now afraid they won’t be able to get along and they have been completely separated except for walks together for a week now.
She still seems like sometimes she wants to play with him and it gives me hope but other times he will be laying across from her and she will growl at him.
I want to keep Loki safe and he deserves a home where he doesn’t feel like he has to walk on eggshells around my other dog.

Over the last week, we have deeply considered rehoming Loki. It’s breaking my heart, I’ve never had to rehome a dog. I feel stupid, irresponsible, and disappointed in myself. Not to mention the INTENSE amount of guilt and shame I feel. Logically, I think Harlow would prefer to be the only dog and Loki would be better off with someone who will be able to give them their 100 percent attention. I know I won’t be able to give both dogs 100 percent what they need.

The small moments where it feels like she wants to be around him, play with him, are giving me hope but I also feel like I will always be on edge and won’t ever be able to fully let them live and be alone together without constant management. It would be hard on me, and hard on both dogs.

Mostly, I just feel horrible. About the entire situation. I haven’t fully grieved my other dogs because I instantly through myself into a new situation. Harlow has had so much change. And Loki came from the shelter, straight into my house and then into chaos. It’s been three months and he is already attached to me, learning quickly, finally feels like he’s comfortable and adapted to the house. And now he is on rotation schedule with my other dog. Keeping him feels wrong, and rehoming him feels wrong. Neither one feels like the right decision. I guess I am just looking for advice if anyone has any because I feel like I am mentally and emotionally drained. I’m scared Loki won’t adjust to a new place and all his training progress will be lost. To be honest, I’m scared to hurt his feelings. I like him so much, he’s such a good dog, and I really wanted this to work out.

Kind words are appreciated 🥺

I had three senior dogs 2 of which were bonded and all three had been around each other/grown up together their whole lives. Dog J and Dog H were the bonded pair. Dog N got along with both dogs, they all lived happily together. In January Dog J died and three weeks later, Dog N also died. I’m sorry if this is hard to follow, I just need advice or if anyone has been in a similar situation. My last remaining senior dog, Dog H is a ten year old pit mix. She is reactive towards other dogs but can get along after slow introduction. She had some resourcing guarding issues but never with the two other dogs she lived with. In February after Dog N passed, we adopted a new dog. Was it impulsive? Yes. But Dog H had never been alone in her life and was greiving HARD after losing Dog J and we didn’t want her health to decline so we thought getting a new friend would help. We met with a dog from the shelter, a 1.5 year old Australian shepherd mix (same breed as dog J). My old girl and him were not reactive when meeting and we decided to bring him home.

They were getting along at first and would play together/wrestle. We never fed them together but they chewed their toys around each other. The first time they fought (teeth clacking/snarling) was over new bones that were given. Looking back, we know we moved too fast, having family over, giving bones and affection at the same time. Since then, it’s been about three months and they have fought a handful of times, probably 5-6 over toys, being too close in a small space, food bowls being left out. (We know this is our fault). We decided to put the new dog into a board a train for two weeks and in that two weeks the trainer said he did great sharing his toys and food and the reactiveness that he also had should be fixed. The day we brought him home, we moved to fast again and they got into it over treats I had laid down next to me. It happened so fast, barely any warning signs. The new dog got a gash above his eye and had to be taken to the vet. The trainer came to our house that night and observed them together and said our old girl needs training for resource guarding over food and toys and also guarding my wife. We knew she wasn’t the best with this.

All this being said, we know it’s our fault. For not training our old girl, for bringing the new dog into our home so fast.

We have kept them separated since that fight and will continue to work with the trainer but we do not want to board and train her. We want to do training in the house. She is ten and a two week board and train feels like too much for all of us.

My question is, if the dogs have already fought, is there a chance they can still live together without being separated all the time? I feel guilty thinking about rehoming the new dog but I don’t want to put him in danger. I also think he is well trained, trainable, and a really good freaking dog who has now been socialized with other dogs. I’m starting to think he will live a better life with someone else and I also think my old girl might be happier alone. I don’t want her to live her last few years stressed out about a new, high energy dog. Their energy levels don’t match and I’m afraid it’s not fair to either of them. I feel so guilty about wanting to possibly rehome the new dog, and I know I made a rash decision during grief. My heart is hurting for so many reasons and I feel terrible for both dogs. Any advice is welcome.